Letterbox is driving me insane

[Lifeisnotsimple]

Ok we have been letterboxing for 5 yrs. The last 2 yrs have been awful. Its not the birth famiy but social services. Their communication is terrible. Nothing has been sent, theysay they have rung us but havent. Ive updated my details and spoke to so many people( because you never get the same person twice). I have to do all he chasing but im sick of it now and my dc has got to the point he no longer wants to participate. Tbh this doesnt seem worth it.

[Trainham]

Just stop , Mine didn't want to it anymore and there was never any response . So I stopped and no one followed it up . If they had I would have said it's not in the interest of the children. All adults now and they never regretted it not being kept up .

[flapjackfairy]

I agree just give up it isnt worth the grief if your child doesn't want to engage anymore.

[Lifeisnotsimple]

Thanks i think i will its too much effort.

[onlytherain]

How is your child? Could you make an official complaint?

Just because birth parents don't write back, doesn't mean they are not reading it or don't care.

[UnderTheNameOfSanders]

I don't think it is fair to give up just because SS are disorganised.
You don't need to involve your DC, just write from you to the BPs.

[foreverandever22]

I'd strongly suggest you continue sending your letter/photos etc even if the BPs don't reply or SS are a nightmare (I thought Conram or Barnardos handled letterbox contact?)
I view it as a duty as an adoptive parent, an act of faith. Even if you can't see the immediate benefit right now. It's also a kindness to the BPs even if they can't/don't show you appreciation.

[ohmustyou]

Letterbox is handled by the LA, and often handled poorly. It's incredibly difficult to write letters into the ether. Have you done it @foreverandever22 ?

[UnderTheNameOfSanders]

@ohmustyou

Letterbox is handled by the LA, and often handled poorly. It's incredibly difficult to write letters into the ether. Have you done it @foreverandever22 ?

We wrote into the ether for 2-3 years to an extended relative.
In the end our DD said she wanted to stop.
So we wrote one more saying that unless we heard they wanted us to continue we would stop. We didn't hear, so we stopped.

It is hard, but as the issue seems to be with SS not the BF, I'd continue even if letters are shorter than you'd otherwise do.

[ohmustyou]

@UnderTheNameOfSanders

We also write into the ether, although I have reduced the frequency to annual rather than twice a year, as there's not much to say when it's one way.

@foreverandever22 I suspect has not been in this position, yet sits in judgement.

[foreverandever22]

I am not currently in this position in that I completely understand why my AC's BP's don't reply...but I am still am writing to the BP's as I feel it's my duty. The obligation is also in the adoption contract (although I have parental control now). I just add it to my never ending list of admin I have to do, I don't find it the worse job I have to do throughout the year. Renewing house/car insurance i find a complete pain in the arse, I'd happily swerve that if i could....
I also visit my elderly relative in their care home, even though they have dementia and don't have a clue who I am.
We've all got our own moral codes, but no need to slag me off because mine is different to yours, you did pose the question on this forum presumably to get responses.

[ohmustyou]

Please quote where I have "slagged [you] off"?

[Thatgirl1981]

@UnderTheNameOfSanders

I don't think it is fair to give up just because SS are disorganised.
You don't need to involve your DC, just write from you to the BPs.

Please do not do this the reason why you go through ss is so your address is not disclosed and anything threatening or crazy is intercepted before they reach you or your child

[UnderTheNameOfSanders]

@Thatgirl1981

Please do not do this the reason why you go through ss is so your address is not disclosed and anything threatening or crazy is intercepted before they reach you or your child

You misread i think.

I didn't say cut out social services (I agree that would be a bad idea).
I said continue writing but adult to adult, without involving the children.

[Thatgirl1981]

@UnderTheNameOfSanders

You misread i think.

I didn't say cut out social services (I agree that would be a bad idea).
I said continue writing but adult to adult, without involving the children.

Yes agreed sorry

yes but this is what should be happening
children shouldn’t really be included in it to start

[redressgirl]

Selfish behaviour to give up the BP might be really struggling take your complaint to social services