Linking Meeting

[Nadelemis]

Hi Everyone,

I was wondering if anyone have had any experience of Family finder and child SW not agreeing on whether you are the best match for a child. If that's the case, what happens next? Does the child SW has the final say or is it down to FF and/or managers to decide?

To give you some background, FF only shortlisted us for this LO and during the visit she confirmed this again. In addition, our SW's manager who was present said we did very well. However, a few days later we heard that there are still debating because the child's SW doesn't want to proceed with us because we don't have a garden.

We are heartbroken because we are so invested in this LO and we are certain we'd be a great family for her for so many reasons. We would understand if there were considering other families and found someone much better; at the end of the day this is meant to be finding the best match possible for LO. But, since rejecting us seems to mean they would need to start a search out of agency and elongate the time for Lo to be with their forever family, it does seem unjustified if truly the issue is a garden ( we live within a 5 min walk from a huge park ).

All in all, we are trying to make our peace with it albeit being extremely hard but, since we still haven't had the definitive no, I was wondering if anyone knows who makes the final decision in such cases?

Thanks for reading!

I remember the family finder and my own SW being very positive about my match with DS. His SW's manager had reservations and lots of additional questions so that did feel like an extra hurdle. A list of questions and concerns came through from the manager via email to my SW and I remember putting together a response to each of them to try to allay her concerns. To me it felt like the child's SW and their manager trump the family finder in terms of agreeing the match. Have they said what about this child means that a garden is particularly important, and trips to the park won't cut it? Is this a child that needs to run off steam several times a day? Or is it that they've got used to a particular routine of playing in the foster carer's garden? Are they particularly attached to mud or sand play? Do they find parks overwhelming so need somewhere quieter to play outdoors? If you can understand what exactly the need is for this particular child then it makes it easier for you to show them how you can address it. If the concern is simply that you don't have a garden and gardens are good for children generally, I think all you can do is push hard on the fact that you have plenty of space to play nearby and try to bring to life all the opportunities for outdoor play that you could have with that child.

Having said all that, family finding is such a tough process and sometimes a social worker will reject a possible family, offering only weak or spurious reasons. It is heart-wrenching, but if it isn't meant to be then that means the right one is still out there.

Thanks for responding @sunshineandskyscrapers !! Lo has no "real" need for a garden except that it'd be of course a nice to have. She has one in FC's house but, again we are only at 5 min from a major park/forest so that does not seem to be a valid reason. FF is convinced we are the best match for LO and so do we which is what makes this so much harder.

As you said, if it's not meant to be we'd accept that despite the heartbreak and wish that LO is placed with the great family that she deserves.

*I've to add..no "real" need as far as we know. The information provided to us and what the SW said during the visit does not explain why a garden would be so important as to reject a family that otherwise is a great match without an alternative family to consider at the moment.

It's so hard, isn't it? You can't help but get emotiinally invested and imagine what life would be like with the children you're linked with. But on the other side of that, the social worker may be thinking this child is easy to place and if she turns you down there will undoubtedly be a family with a garden along shortly. I'm a single adopter and while getting approved was straightforward enough, getting matched was much harder as I was constantly held up against hypothetical couples that may or may not be just around the corner.

It's not for the faint hearted. Hang in there.