3YO Poops Pants When Angry

[WittyUsername123]

Title says it all!
3.5YO, 5 months into placement. Was previously potty trained, totally regressed after he moved in, suddenly regained it- and now he is pooping his pants when he is angry.
Any advice welcome!

Hi OP,
Not an adoptive mum but I have autisms who did this, completely regressed months after going to school and simply couldn't cope with the transition.

We tried so many techniques but in the end went back to pull ups and retrained when they were a bit older, but used the app "Mr poo goes to pooland".

My ND kids also struggled to use the toilet and got angry by needing a poo - it was just so confusing for them so we had a few things in place, usually DP or I would read to them, let them read or even the old ipad on the loo. Didn't happen over night and I personally found the 6 month break of pullups helped them.

It's hard to really advice you whats best for your little man and I'm not suggesting he's ND, I just know that austim and trauma present similarly so I hopeful that my kids getting there (actually, tbh fully honest, my one DC without ND was closer to 6 before he coped with pooing!) And the ND ones OK by 5!

Good luck 💐

It sounds like anxiety. He might be so overwhelmed with the changes that he has become less aware of his bodily functions. I think it’s important to take his lead in terms of self care and ensure that there is no shame attached. As your relationship grows, it might settle but it isn’t unusual for a child to still have accidents at school age.

it’s also worth getting checked by gp. A change of diet might have an impact on his digestive system so getting a check up will highlight any physical issues or at least rule these out (if it is primarily emotional).

Hi both
Thanks for your advice
I think I rushed my first post and didn’t really capture the rollercoaster- he lost his toilet training when his younger brother joined us after a month (separate placements, staggered transitions). Then he became totally toilet-trained again- I definitely agree it was stress which affected this the first time around!

I know it sounds like I am not being empathetic enough (I truly do know this is trauma-related) but the ONLY time he has an accident is when he is angry with an adult, and he has very clear to express this: “I did it because I wanted the toy back mummy.” Etc etc.

I definitely don’t want to attach shame to toileting but I also feel like the natural consequence of coming away from his play to be changed is probably enough? I’m just worried about this continuing because I also know he feels a lot of regret and shame after. We already talk a lot about poopoo land and so forth.

He really is too young to make an association between “I’m angry so I’m going to purposely do a poo, that’ll teach them”. More likely he’s losing control of his body functions when he’s angry and makes an association that it happens when he feels cross.

I’d continue just changing him calmly and chat to him about other stuff, just be very matter of fact “let’s get you all nice and clean again”. He’s very early in placement and his placement has been disrupted by his sibling arriving so he has a lot to process. I also wonder if somewhere in there there may be a fear about loss - eg if mummy takes my toy I might not get it back, he may be literally shitting himself with fear (bearing in mind fear often manifests itself as anger). He’s had a lot to cope with, take a very long term view about toilet training and expect it to be very variable for some time.

In my early days (my two were 4 and 6 when placed, neither reliably toilet trained), someone here said to remember I can’t control what goes into them or comes out, so relax about it. Having two children in early placement is very hard going, so go easy on yourself.

I’d agree with @Jellycatspyjamas if the child is only having accidents when angry, you’ve found the trigger. It’s not because they are doing it to upset you (he doesn’t have that level of thinking at 3) he is doing it because his body is overwhelmed with emotion (anger, fear, anxiety who knows?) it might be worth looking at some regulation activities if you see he is becoming overwhelmed although I appreciate that’s not always easy if it happens so quickly.

You’re both right- it’s just easier said than done! He is better regulated now than he has been, but in the past he was back in pull-ups so maybe we didn’t notice the rage-poop (😂) association!