How much experience do you need with children to adopt?

[fuzzyfuzzyfuzz]

Background: married couple in our 40s. We’ve largely missed our chance to have biological children due to some health issues (now resolved) and would prefer to explore adoption then go down the road of fertility treatment / assistance. No idea about age of child, depends what we’re deemed suitable for really.

We’re aware that adoption is very different to having biological children, in case that doesn’t come across.

I’ve done a foundation course in counselling and psychotherapy (didn’t continue to qualify / practise as a therapist but involved lots of learning and self-reflection), worked for a mental health charity for quite a while, and volunteered for a children’s charity working in early intervention. So I feel I have some knowledge about things like trauma and attachment.

However we don’t have much experience of actually looking after children! We have nieces and nephews who we spend time with, but we don’t have them stay on their own or anything (they live quite far away and it just wouldn’t work). We don’t know that many people with young children or babies!

Is this likely to be a problem? Thanks v much for any advice at all.

Oh I should add that I didn’t continue with therapy training because I was going to save up for the fees and then ended up finding a great new job / career path and deciding not to go ahead, not because I didn’t pass my course!

I don't know what is required from an approval point of view, but for a matching the more experience the better, in as much as if a child's SW is choosing between you and another couple then experience will be one of the factors considered.

But also, we adopted 2, aged nearly 8 and 2.5. I would have been lost without the experience I gained going through the process. I volunteered at a pre-school one morning a week, and a primary after school club one afternoon a week and did this from the start of home study all the way through to matching which was over 2 years. It made me so much more confident and competent.

Thanks for your reply! So experience in childcare settings is relevant, not just at home? That’s great to know!

It was relevant 15 years ago, no idea what is needed now.

So although I had had very limited sole care, I had had a lot of experience of different boys and girls of the target age groups. So I knew the range of likely ability, and the different types of things they liked to do. I also had an extensive list of craft activities, songs, catching games etc.

You need to try to get experience of the age you want to adopt. No point helping at brownies if you want a 3 yo.

Hi OP. I actually had barely any childcare experience before adopting. My partner had more than me. Our little one was around 13 months old when she moved in.

I'm not disputing what PP is saying at all - it seems reasonable that in matching if its close between you and another family, childcare experience might be the thing that it comes down to. And also I can see that potentially for older children it might be more helpful. But in terms of approval it may not be necessary - that seems to be very much agency dependent.

I have heard someone mention junior parkrun as a place to get experience (age 4+), of course most will have parents there. But I imagine it'd be fairly easy to do some volunteering there.

I can well imagine that less experience may be needed for younger children.
Also that my experience may be out of date / not universal.

But also, I have no idea how I would have coped in those early months without the experience I had gained during the process.

There’s no perfect adoptive parent. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. The home study will help you identify these and how it will impact on you as a parent.

if you see a lack of experience with children as a weakness, take time to address it at the enquiring stage. It’s about being the best version of yourself for any children you may have. Parenting is tough. Adoptive parenting is tougher than I could ever have imagined. Knowing the theory is nothing like having the lived experience so if you can, volunteer with a wide variety of children to build up a sense of what is age and stage and have a range of strategies to cope with some everyday challenges. Oh and building relationships and attachment with an adoptive child can be gruelling so if you have a range of things that you can add into everyday life then that will assist if you become a parent through adoption.

Thanks folks. Lots to think about. We are still at the early early thinking stage - in the process of buying a house so will wait until thats sorted.

You sound like you would make great adopters! Lots of adopters volunteer with Scouts, afternoon clubs etc. Maybe you want to check that out? Try to get experience with children who are neurodiverse/ have additional needs and the age range you are would consider. You could also start reading up or listening to podcasts. Sally Donovan's books are good starters.

Thank you so much

Nothing will prepare you for parenting a child you don’t know, so I tend to be a bit cynical about volunteering for brownies etc. In saying that, if you don’t have much experience with kids I’d look to change that. Look for activities where you’re building relationships with kids rather than doing crowd control - eg befriending, independent visiting. While it’s not like parenting it’ll give you skills to engage with and support children you don’t know and that’s invaluable in the early days.