Explaining to ds what "mixed race" he is

[scarfonthestairs]

My ds is 11 this year and has always known he is mixed race and we're at the point where he is referring to himself as "mixed" to his friends (obviously starting to be more aware of his cultural identity)
However. He seems to think because he is mixed race that he is partly afro carribean. He is insistent he'd look good with his hair braided..talks about how the n word could be used against him etc etc.
I've repeatedly explained to him that he's he is mixed race but a different race (imagine for example Turkish and Italian mix) but he cannot seem to get this. We've looked at pictures of male adults with the same mix as him, how some people who are a mix of afro carribeann and white look different to him but he can't get it.
Does anyone have any advice? Or any books that might be helpful?
Oh finally ds has fasd so although academically is on target emotionally is a lot lower, also he has a sister who is very pale,blond hair blue eyes so it is very obvious to him.

Can you talk about it in terms of heritage? E.g. your birth mum comes from Turkey, your birth grandfather came from Italy. Though I know ethnicity is not as straight forward as that. But could be an opportunity to talk about family history, as far as you know it. Do you have books about people with similar ethnicity to him? Especially if they are about e.g. Turkish children growing up in the UK.
Also, if he has brown skin, it seems important to acknowledge that he will indeed experience racism, that it may sometimes be similar to racism experienced by someone who has black Caribbean ethnicity even if misdirected.

It can be very confusing for kids. My son is mixed race - Black African/White British.
In this country he is perceived as black African. I've taken him to Gambia - the local kids perceived him as white.
I've also taken him to Morroco and he looked like a lot of the boys/men - similar skin tone, tight curly hair.
My god children - Indian/White British have been called the N word. People who use that term will aim it at anyone with a brown skin, same with the P word because they are usually too thick to realise India and Pakistan are not the same.

I would put it into context of life story work. Be crystal clear with him that birth dad comes from Turkey, this is what Turkish people look like, birth mum comes from Italy - this is what Italian people look like. If you mix them together you get you.
Are there things about the culture you can push at home such as music or food and encourage him to see that at his birth mum/dad's culture.
Get a children's atlas and show him where these countries are.
We have a book called Maps by Aleksandra and Daniel Mizielinski. It's large format, sort of cartoon, 52 maps of individual countries and had pictures of food, wildlife, famous places, people in national dress etc. That could give him more understanding of diversity.

Yeah ethnicity can be an odd one, I know half of our children’s ethnicity, we’re not positive about the other half (could be more than one), but we do know the other ethnicity (or one of the other ethnicities) are darker skinned, as despite being a brown ethnicity they’re actually quite a pale ethnicity. People in the UK would likely consider them x ethnicity, but people of x ethnicity would recognise that they’re too dark to be 100% that ethnicity.

It can be a really hard concept for children, mt husbands white and I’m Pakistani (but ethnically gilgit), we have the issue that we know who birth mum is, but we know nothing about birth dad, as our son knows how a baby is made that had added another layer of complexity.

A lot of people view mixed raced as a black parent and a white one, purely because other ethnic mixes aren’t actually obvious.

Could you look at books like this one (again)? https://www.amazon.co.uk/Different-Differenter-Activity-about-Color/dp/173256440X/ref=sr_1_7?crid=1WL8W991ZUTB8&keywords=skin+different&qid=1680719291&s=books&sprefix=skin+different%2Cstripbooks%2C65&sr=1-7 It is for younger kids and easy to understand.

Like Ted, I would go for books, films, art, food, music, celebrations from the countries of his heritage. At the same time, I would stress that he is British though.

Thanks everyone I appreciate the replies.
Book looks perfect but ds is awful with books. Can read brilliantly just can't be arsed 🤣😩.
We have items around the house from hus cultural backgrounds and do talk about things. Art is a fab idea as he loves art.
I hadn't thought about how the insult could well be used for him. That's deffo food for thought.

@scarfonthestairs I may have totally misunderstood your post. Is your son wanting to know about his ethnicity? If so have you thought about ancestry? I did this and was able to find out about my heritage. You can change various settings so you don't share information with others.

OP have you tried asking him what he knows about mixed race people - with a view to finding out where he's got his ideas from? Something or someone must have triggered them?