Trust and plasters and drama

[Kitkatcrunchie]

Our 4 year old has been with us 2 years. Lots of positives and building of attachment but when it comes to helping when she is hurt is another thing. She will let me hug, check her over, do ice pack (with gentle persuasion and reasoning) but today she feel over and scraped her knee. Big fuss about letting me help put plaster on. We did that after a few mins and her insisting she'd do it herself, relenting when she realised she couldn't.
Can I get that plaster off? Absolutely no chance. Screams and lots of drama at even the thought. Have done lots of wondering about how she's feeling, lots of PLACE but she is having none of it. how can I build that trust more with her to get over these moments? We've done some theraplay things but appreciate I could try and do more. Any suggestions or anyone else had this please. She's currently fallen asleep in my bed. Shall I just let her wear it forever till it falls off by itself (her suggestion!)? Some days I feel and know we've come so far and other moments I feel a bit disheartened she won't let me help.

I'd wait till the bath and it will be an easy one to come off?

If it doesnt come off easily in the bath you can get medical adhesive remover wipes on amazon, they're designed for stoma bags and insulin pump patches etc so will make easy work of a normal plaster!
I've heard good things about Appeal and Lifteez sprays but wipes might be better if your DD wants to do it herself.

I’d wait until it comes off, removing plasters can be sore and if she has any sensory issues it can be agonising. It’ll wear itself off when she’s in the bath.

I’m interested you think it’s a trust issue rather than her really not liking the sensation of the plaster being taken off. By way of example, my DD has always found having her toenails cut physically painful, she literally can’t tolerate it - she trusts me but it’s painful so she doesn’t want me to do it. So we negotiate, use distraction etc but nothing changes the fact that something I give no though to doing for myself causes her a lot of pain. Can she explain why she doesn’t want you to take it off?

Ha. I have the opposite. We storm through plasters for DD2 (18!) since as soon as a slight corner comes free it is 'coming off' and she picks at it, and then it needs replacing.

Sorry, no useful suggestions.

Honestly, we often leave plasters on our nearly 4YO until they fall off because he gets worried it’s going to hurt if we were to take it off. For us, it’s a pick your battles situation and it always falls off naturally in a day or so after a normal bath and general toddler life!

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate your responses.
I feel hugely better. You're right @Jellycatspyjamas about it being a sensory thing and you focused right in on where my head was at. I have over thought the situation, as I can sometimes do!!, and it's been a right couple of weeks and you know when people can like to give advice and then I start to doubt myself and things that are happening.

So easy to over think things, especially as it's mainly me dealing with everything woth AD. She is scared of it hurting so it makes sense. It's had a good soak in the bath and is starting to slowly make its way off.
Thanks again all.

@Kitkatcrunchie that’s a good update. Parents over think things. Adoptive parents over think things on steroids!

my son hates the intimacy of a plaster. Too physically close for too long. A quick hug on his terms is fine, being in his personal space while I clean and apply a plaster at a time his is overwhelmed and dysregulated by the fall can be too much. If she wants to do the plaster and self care, I’d let her as long as you show nurture in a way that she can tolerate eg I’ll help you get the plaster, I’ll get a tissue for your tears, do you want a cuddle? Etc.

I hope that doesn’t make you over think things more but only sharing our experience.

@121Sarah121
I love that thank you!! Lovely ideas for showing the care in other ways and worry not, I am out of my own head today hee

@Kitkatcrunchie I find myself questioning all behaviour with

is it developmental?
is it trauma?
is it sensory?
is it chronological?
is it attachment?

I never know and often I think things are a combination so no one perfect approach to anything. Just trying our best, that’s all we can do

So funny, I was only thinking that I should have had an allowance over the years to fund all the plasters for DD1(15) and DD2(7). They love coming with me to Boots or the pharmacy and choosing their own themed boxes of plasters which have pride of place in their respective bedrooms. Must be something Freudian about it, I guess?

@Kitkatcrunchie I’d leave the plaster till it falls off or comes off in the bath.

DD has had a box of plaster in her xmas stocking on occasion.

Now I’m disappearing down a rabbit hole online to see if I can find Totoro, Studio Ghibli or Japanese anime plasters without having to remortgage my house. Eternal gratitude to anyone who can help me! 🙏🏻

presumably these aren't good enough? @EmmatheStageRat https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/184511187033

Flying Tiger plasters only stick for about 5 minutes. Maybe they are worth a try? https://flyingtiger.com//products/plasters-3025500?variant=39948595265734&currency=gbp

https://flyingtiger.com/products/plasters-3025498?variant=39948592775366&currency=GBP

Now I’m disappearing down a rabbit hole online to see if I can find Totoro, Studio Ghibli or Japanese anime plasters without having to remortgage my house. Eternal gratitude to anyone who can help me! 🙏🏻

If you find any please let me know, my daughter is a huge anime fan.

@121Sarah121 "Parents over think things. Adoptive parents over think things on steroids!" So true! They should tell you that one in the training!

@Kitkatcrunchie glad the plaster situation is resolving itself.