Reading suggestions for relatives

[She333]

Hi, hoping the hive mind can suggest some titles that would help introduce the ideas and concepts about modern adoption and therapeutic parenting, to grandparents and the wider family please?

Thank you ☺️

It depends what sort of reader they are. Cathy Glass was useful to show the care system side, but they're full memoirs.

Would they listen to podcast

s?

Thanks, I've devoured a lot of Cathy Glass books myself and find them really interesting.

Hoping for something geared towards introducing the ideas and principles behind therapeutic parenting, for some who might not understand that what used to work for their own children might not work 40+years later with children who have been through trauma, if that makes sense?

• Related by Adoption by Hedi Argent
• Adoption Is a Family Affair!: What Relatives and Friends Must Know by Patricia I Johnston

are two very different books specifically written for families and friends, with very different foci. I would recommend reading both.

• Therapeutic Parenting in a Nutshell by Sarah Naish is a very short book.
• Dan Hughes' Building the Bonds of Attachment and Bruce Perry's The Boy Who was Raised as a Dog are both very readeable. I think Bruce Perry's book was a bestseller.

There are lots of podcasts and youtube videos, which some family members might prefer.

Thanks Only, I'm not sure my folks have ever listened to a podcast so a physical book is probably the right way forward 😅

Appreciate both of your input, thanks.

As an adoptive grandmother, I never read any books beforehand but what really helped me was my daughter sitting and chatting with me about what was happening with the adoption for them. She gave me little snippets about therapeutic parenting and so on and that really helped. Eventually I found this forum and the Adoption UK one (though that has gone sadly quiet lately). The forums have been a brilliant help with my understanding of all things adoption.

My parents and DH parents both attended an online webinar from Adoption uk that had some great points they've taken on board - such as not sharing photos online etc, so that was really helpful.

Oh, thanks for your comment! I'd love to hear any examples of eye opening moments or ways of dealing with things. That perhaps would be different to how you'd have done it?

I guess I'm just wondering how much of a learning curve it would be if somebody is a little set in their ways?

@She333 I think the biggest eye opener for me was learning that all adopted children are traumatised in some way and that just the simple fact of being parted from the birth mother in early days was a trauma. I was amazed at the impact of trauma inflicted in utero and how that can affect a child’s growing up. I was one of those who assumed that a tiny baby could not be much affected - how wrong I was!

I also learned about the importance of ‘funnelling’ in the early days and how to leave the parents to respond to Little One rather than Grandma jumping up and taking over! It was very different to how I had been with my birth grandchildren but we have managed well I think.

I know how honoured I felt when my daughter talked to me about things in advance so I felt better informed about how to be with my new grandchild. I hope things go well for you and your family xx

Thanks MrsMatty this is so useful! We're right at the start of our journey and learning and reading as much as possible.

Sounds like you're a fabulous Grandma 🥰

Bless you 😊 Thanks so much OP xx

@She333

hello

most agencies run a special day course for relatives, my family found it very useful, worth asking your agency if they do one

good luck

I also gave my parents and inlaws a print out from adoption uk or something about how to support us as parents which was really useful as short/easy to read and to the point - stuff like previous poster mentioned about not stepping in to help, letting us only change nappies, feed them etc, and reinforcing us as parents - eg if child comes to ask for a snack, they know to say, ooo lets go see in mummy has a snack for you etc, its a really helpful approach that helps them know exactly what to do as backing you up as parents in the early days. My daughter absolutely adores her grandparents and really settled and happy with them and this love grew from having the space in the early days as we became established as parents, we said no hugs etc just yet and they were really supportive as they'd read the print out and understood, so defo recommend the print out for them?

So grateful for your messages and ideas everyone, thank you!

Do you know what this was calledor where from? I've had a look at adoption uk and can't find one that fits currently. We go to matching panel soon!

I think i just googled for one, il see if I can find it!

https://www.first4adoption.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/how-family-and-friends-can-help.pdf

I used this one from first4adoption! Good luck in matching panel!