Mother's Day support thread / hand hold

[Minnie888]

Well here we are, another Mother's Day. We are having a bit of a tricky patch at the moment and support hasn't been particularly forthcoming. I had a lovely card made for me, and a bracelet which is beautiful and I will treasure. Unfortunately I accidentally opened the card on Friday which caused it to be ripped. DS6 was very apologetic in the end but it's this rage that comes from nowhere that can be a struggle to handle.

This morning I was woken with a lovely card (he had painstakingly sellotaped) and such beautiful kind words, I love you mummy big kiss and cuddle. But in the next breath because no one would go to get his clothes for him in the next room things were being thrown, ripped and there was spitting again.

It is honestly exhausting. We have what I would describe as peaks and troughs, we're in a bit of a trough. He is brilliant at school but when he comes home it is hard to know which child you will receive. None of this is really his fault, DS6 was the most severe case they had seen for withdrawal and the poor boy was in so much pain and alone, it brings me to tears to think of it. Clearly this trauma and the way his brain is wired will make him different, we've had therapeutic parent training which was good for helping us to understand, but the Jury is out on whether it makes a difference to him.

He also has sensory issues I think, textures with food have always been a problem from weaning. He is now showing more signs of fidgeting when doing homework / struggling to concentrate for long periods of time though he is only in year one. He is overly physical in play, never in a malicious way, but more not understanding his own strength or recognising the signs of being over giddy. The anger from 0-100 becomes harder to manage as he gets older. We are in touch with post adoption support though we are still talking, they recommended theraplay but we aren't sure that's the best thing for him right now and are hoping to push Occupational Therapy assessment, thoughts welcome!

I love him so much, he is my world but it can be so hard sometimes.

@Minnie888

that all sounds so very hard.
you have a very complex young man there - I doubt one or two interventions will help, he’s going to need a lot of input.
If the drugs were such an issue, do you know if birth mum also had an alcohol problem? I’m wondering is FASD may be a factor.

One or two practical things to think about
Forget the homework, just tell school you arent doing it. If he is coping at school he will be exhausted from the effort. Its too much to do homework. My son did very little homework at primary. Have you heard of the coke bottle effect?
Sensory issues can be very tricky. Have you come across Raising A Sensory Smart Child by Lindsay Biel. I found this very useful when trying to figure whats going on with my boy.
I absolutely recognise that inability to recognise their own strength. My son was completely unable to regulate himself so I had to do if for him. In simple terms I just kept him moving - swimming was incredibly calming for him, I could see the tension in his body drain away. We walked, scoooted everywhere, trampoline in the garden, swing ball and tennis also very helpful - they can safely bash hell out of something.

I'd also agree that cutting out homework is sensible,our school doesnt set any and I wouldn't expect a year one to sit still at home so maybe it would help to stop homework? And do you have a trampoline?plenty of time on the trampoline makes wonderful difference for us so if you've space for one or any kind of physical movement stuff is really helpful for us,we've put up one of those fitness bars in a door way for example.we also do alot if family work out and family yoga at home,cosmic yoga on YouTube is great for little ones and yoga has been great for regulating for ours.

Thank you these are great ideas. We have a huge garden which is a massive benefit
to him and he loves being active. He does tire quickly too, more so than his peers though, so it is a difficult thing to manage. Over tiredness triggers his night terrors which make him more exhausted, a bit of a vicious circle.

Oh overtiredness is the worst!we were just saying last night that when she's tired she doesn't rest she just goes so wild she tires herself out so much she just falls over and over and keeps going.yes no fun there!night terrors sound awful we've not had them yet!