Single adopters: how did you feel when your child first came home?

[rihanna4]

I read something interesting today about how it can feel when your child first comes home. In particular, that some people are surprised to find that they feel bored, ambivalent or deflated.

Curious to hear experiences

Terrified!!!!
I loved being a mum.from day 1. Sometimes it was a bit overwhelming, the sense of responsibility for him which was solely down to me. 1 to 1 can also be quite intense.
Never bored, we were far too busy

I don’t recognise any of the feelings you describe. I was sad for birth family and their loss but loved being a parent from day one, certainly not bored, there was so much to do. Could you link the article?

@Christmasbahhumbug It is in the book Preparing for Adoption by Julia Davis. The book isn't saying that that these feelings are common, but it says that they happen in some cases.

I think having a securely attached non traumatised toddler about is boring. At that age, all they are interested in is exploring the world.
all you need to do is watch them and feed them. It is boring looking after young kids (and I don’t think people admit that enough).

however, having a traumatised, insecurely attached stranger come into your life is a completely different experience. Early placement was all about getting to know the little one, keeping them safe, building routines, helping them regulate and deal with the overwhelming feelings of loss as well as adjusting to the change in your life. Full on, overwhelming, yes, boring, no. That’s why so much of emphasis is put on support network because it isn’t like anything else I’ve ever experienced. I don’t mean it to sound so negative but it’s tough and I wish I was more prepared for the reality of how challenging it was.

@121Sarah121 Thanks. In what ways did your support network provide support in the first year?

@Ted27 I am reflecting a lot on the intensity of the 121 relationship - from my perspective and the child's. Did you ever worry (at the beginning) that you're not enough? My concern is that any family life that I build is going to be a small one as it'll be just me; no dad or siblings to make the house busy and to have experiences with.

@rihanna4

No not really. We are a very tight unit but we have good friends around us.
We have always been a busy family - my son went through the cubs/scouts and Woodcraft Folk. We have lots of adopter friends who we shared holidays, weekends away, day trips with.
So always plenty of people around - but you do have to make an effort