Struggling

[Therapeutic70]

Has anyone else experienced their child reaching the age of 8 (almost 9) and then really beginning to struggle.
She moved in when she was two and was (on the surface) calm and generally doing well for a few years.
She has managed at school without any apparent major issues until now and is doing fine academically.
She has become increasingly violent and controlling at home.
School are super supportive but she is refusing to go.
They don’t see any of the major behaviours at school.
An EHCP application is underway and she has a diagnosis of Complex PTSD.
Thanks for any thoughts.

My DD started the beginnings of puberty at 8, her anxiety levels went through the roof meaning her capacity for coping just disintegrated. She masked well at school but would explode on the way home. We agreed some adjustments with school to make the day less stressful, and to build in breaks etc and things did improve.

I also think developmentally their understanding changes around 8/9, she may be thinking things through and wondering about her birth family, how she came to be adopted etc. Which is bound to raise strong emotions.

Complex PTSD comes with all kinds of negative thoughts about self and emotional dysregulation is part of the package too, so there could be a load of things going on.

How does her need for control show itself and what form does her violence take? If you can say a bit more I’m sure folk here will have some ideas for you.

Hi T70,

Very good advice from JCP above. I am 15 years in on the adoption path and a couple of the things I have learnt along the way are:

1. The medical profession seem to be split into two distinct groups who never seem to consider each other. The first branch puts all behaviour down to diagnosable conditions such as ADHD, learning difficulties, ASD, fasd etc. The second branch puts all behaviour down to trauma and attachment problems. They never seem to consider that an adopted child might have conditions in both branches. So it could be that your daughter has other stuff going on as well as PTSD.

1. My daughter has a range of diagnoses and it was really from the age of about 8 that I really started to notice her ASD features really coming to the fore. She was eventually diagnosed at 11. But I think from the age of about 8 social communication between girls starts to become more complex and my daughter was doing her best at school to mask and try and fit in but she was struggling. At home her anxiety would be dumped and I would get the controlling and aggressive behaviour.

1. When schools say that your child's behaviour is ok they are, more times than not, not telling the truth. I am not sure why they do this, I suspect it may be because they don't want to seem like they can't cope. So although school are saying they don't see the behaviour, it's not likely to be correct.

So I would consider the possibility of ASD being in the mix. The way I deal with it at home is to put absolutely no demands on my daughter at all, indeed she prefers to be left alone to play on her iPad in the evenings and I let her. I do feel like I am walking on eggshells around her and the wrong question or tone of voice from me can set off a massive tantrum/meltdown.

Also consider medication for the violence - risperdone can help so consider it but you will probably need a pysciatrist to prescribe.
Sending hugs as we all know how difficult dealing with this type of behaviour is. Xx

My daughter has a range of diagnoses and it was really from the age of about 8 that I really started to notice her ASD features really coming to the fore. She was eventually diagnosed at 11. But I think from the age of about 8 social communication between girls starts to become more complex and my daughter was doing her best at school to mask and try and fit in but she was struggling.

This is a really good point, my DD is being assessed for ASD, ADHD and FASD with a current diagnosis of complex trauma and GDD. Her ASD traits started to come to the fore around age 9/10 as social interaction became more complex and more demands were made on her at school. It’s wholly possible there’s more fuelling the fire than the known trauma issues.