Birth parent contesting adoption order

[Dtw1]

Hi all,

I’m just hoping for some advice and reassurance. Me and my partner have had our baby with us for nearly a year now, we’ve applied for the adoption order and as such birth mother (no birth father known) was notified that a court date was set for the adoption hearing. Our social worker has notified us that birth mother now hopes there is a chance to get baby back.

Baby was taken into care immediately after birth and placed with foster carers until care and placement orders were made. Then we were linked with baby and have had baby home for just under a year now (best year of our lives). We would have applied for adoption order sooner but had national delays with the ‘Somerset ruling’ which is all resolved now.

Birth mother has had numerous issues with the law, DV issues, substance misuse (pre/during and post birth). There has never been any attempt of engagement with baby. BM’s other children have also been taken into care and she stated she never had the same love for our baby compared to her others and that she didn’t want him. Baby has never had any contact with BM since birth but suddenly now she wishes to oppose adoption order despite her having no fixed abode. Along with this, BM has stated to SW she is clean from drugs now, however this is disputed.

Selfishly, me and my partner have said how if baby was to be taken away it would honestly feel like a bereavement and completely heartbreaking. However, our main concern would be with how BM could ever fulfil baby’s needs and care for baby properly.

Our SW’s have explained how unlikely ‘leave to oppose’ would be in this case but it’s breaking our hearts just thinking our gorgeous baby could potentially be taken from us and all that he knows.

Can anyone give me some advice or reassurance in this instance?

Thank you.

@Dtw1
Sadly for her, she has no chance.

No court is going to take a baby away from their home and give them to a woman who is homeless and never engaged with her child.
It's a last ditch attempt which will fail and sadly I'd bet money on another baby appearing.
Try and put it out of your mind - see it as a legal process which has nothing to do with you and the family you have created.

It’s all too late for the birth mother. She would have had numerous chances before an adoption order was made and blown them.
It’s very common for birth parents to do this, ours did too but it’s too little far too late.

We had our first hearing for AO 2 weeks ago and birth mum has applied for leave to oppose. Ours are number 3 and 4 out of a soon to be 5 and older 2 adopted prior to our eldest being born. We've been told she is applying due to wanting to keep newest when it arrives.

Ours have been with us over a year now and all the sw say she has no chance even though she is with new partner. We have our 2nd hearing at the beginning of March

Selfishly, me and my partner have said how if baby was to be taken away it would honestly feel like a bereavement and completely heartbreaking.

Of course it would be a bereavement. You’ve spent the last year bonding with this baby, meeting their needs and building a family - there’s nothing at all selfish about considering your own sense of loss should the worst happen for you. We can’t be selfless “think of the birth mum” all the time.

In saying that, I agree with the advice to think of it as a legal problem to be dealt with. It’s very unlikely she’d be awarded care at this stage of the process, particularly given how unstable her life seems to be. I’m guessing in her heart she knows this but often birth parents will give it one last try, to be able to look themselves in the mirror knowing they didn’t give their child up easily.

As others have said, this is very common. It is a very stressful time, but, if things are as you describe, it will have no impact on your family.

Try to see the positive in it: you can later tell your child they were wanted by their birth mother and their birth mother fought to keep them. Most adopted children have to experience that another child tells them they were not wanted by their birth family. This is proof that they were.

Echoing what @onlytherain said. Later on, this will be a good thing to be able to tell your child; birth mother did want them - but couldn’t manage to do everything they could/should to be able to parent them.

I was going to say the same thing.
As an adopted child, it would have felt like a message from my birth mother that made me feel less shit about being “given away”, and as a social worker, I have seen it regarded in the same sad but more positive way with numerous children and birth parents.

As others have said - there’s really no hope and I don’t think at the stage you are in it’s ever been over turned - at least when I was in your situation I found any cases of it happening.

As the child has been in foster care, the birth family would have had all of that time to contest. A placement order would never have been granted if there was a chance they could have their children back.

Additionally, it’s not long enough to demonstrate the changes required for them to have their children back.

i will say that with our second child, we had an appalling social worker who seemed to think there was a chance our child could have gone back and seemed desperate to explain this to us. We were lucky we had had a previous child from the same biological family so we knew there wasn’t a chance. Some social workers either don’t seem to understand the steps taken to adopt a child, or enjoy playing with the mental health of adopters in this way.

As an adoptee, knowing that my birth Mum had fought to have me with her would have been preferable to knowing that she seemingly walked away without a second thought. I think you and your child will find comfort in this later.

I really hope this does not happen. Our son’s birth mother managed to keep him despite having had 2 children removed from her due to her usage of heroine. When he was eight months old he was found nearly dead with pneumococcal meningitis and mother off the planet having taken crack cocaine. Our son was then deafblind and cerebral palsy. She also contested the adoption but was in prison??
Good luck I hope the courts are sensible x

it isnt going to happen op. The parents cant even automatically contest and have to.apply for leave to appeal. In order for the judge to grant that they have to prove significant and sustained change of circumstances or that there was a failure in the legal process.
so if leave is granted they can then submit their evidence as to why the adoption order should not be granted but even if they did prove that ( and j have never heard of it happening and believe me I researched the life out of this when it was my turn) then there would be a placement order to overturn next. And then a care order.
I know it is terrifying but the best thing to do is put it in the back of your mind and let the process grind on. One day soon it will be a dim and distant memory .

Not having a go - Were you there throughout BM's pregnancy and afterwards? Or are you relying on hearsay?
You do know social workers lie? Either you were there throughout her pregnancy and afterwards so you can vouch for what you say, or you are just relying on hearsay from social services. He's not your baby YET & ALL babies belong with their BM if it is safe. She still has a chance, especially if she and her child continued to have a relationship following birth. .......I am trying to help you prepare for all eventualities.
On the other hand, yes if you've known the baby since he was born and you and him have a bond, there's a huge chance you will be able to adopt him.
I know this sounds harsh but I know people who've had children removed on hearsay and the social services reports were absolutely shocking, little things in the reports were true.
I have also seen the other side and a couple adopt a child.
I have also worked within the social care sector.
I think you WILL be able to adopt him, I really think it'll go in your favour, but please also be prepared for absolutely anything and everything.

@ChazSH

the op came looking for support,
She clearly states that the birth mother has had no contact with the baby,
Issues with the pregnancy will be a matter of record - not ‘hearsay’, as will convictions.

@ChazSH
Please could you explain that to my beautiful boy deafblind cerebral palsy why his mother did not see he was ill as she was so blurred by drugs and SS were aware.
No sadly you can’t tell him he is dead. Sorry to all my mates here for brutal message.

Right, records aren't always truth.

You just answered your own question 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

You do know social workers lie?

Yoi do know social workers don’t make their assessment in isolation? So health staff, education staff, the police, social care staff, addiction services staff would all need to be lying for there to be the consistency of assessment needed to remove a child. You do also know that the multi-agency assessment is then interrogated in court, and ultimately the court makes the decision to remove? You do also know that the threshold for removal is very very high, you know social work need to evidence there’s literally no other way to provide a safe enough environment for the child. You do know that “safe enough” is far from perfect and still often sits at a significantly lower level than most people would consider ideal for a child.

Given the information in the OP is incredibly unlikely the child would be returned, we’re not talking about a recently removed child with an established relationship with the birth family here.

Right, records aren't always truth.

No, records are a combination of what the family want social work to know, and what they aren’t able to hide. The truth is usually much more complex, and usually much worse, than the services involved are aware of.

With no engagement and the history as described then your SW have been able to advise that you should be fine - they are right. There is that small benefit that in the future it helps you craft a better narrative for your child.

Were you there throughout BM's pregnancy and afterwards?

I assume you were present 24/7 to confirm the voracity of the claims of all these numerous, completely real, people who had their children permanently removed from their care for no reason, rather than relying on hearsay?

OP is talking about traditional adoption, which you do not appear to be deeply informed about. A placement order will already be in place and it is not a matter of it ‘going in favour’ of OP but a matter of due process. The system is not so simple as birth parents vs. adopters- quite the opposite.

It was very well recorded that my grandchild’s birth mother was heavily addicted to illegal drugs of many kinds and continued to take them throughout pregnancy. Her own family freely admitted to this. BM refused repeated help to come off the drugs, even though she knew it was for baby’s sake. Baby was born with severe neonatal abstinence syndrome. BM abandoned Little One in hospital and went off in search of more drugs. Then she later turned up in court wanting leave to appeal against the adoption. She didn’t get it of course. I know we have to try to understand the birth parent’s situation and believe me, I have tried but I am right out of empathy here. There is a happy ending as the adoption went through and my grandchild is wonderful and thriving. OP, I understand what you are going through and I’m very sure that all will be well for you. I wish you and your family all the very best xx

I really just want to thank everyone who’s taken the time to reply. It genuinely means the world and it has really helped settle our worries.

In hindsight, I absolutely agree that when the upcoming court date arrives (and if BM attends and applies to contest which is what we’ve been told to expect), then this will hopefully be of some benefit to baby when older, knowing BM at least tried, albeit it at the very end of the process.

We do genuinely have so much sympathy for BM’s circumstances. Who knows what life path anyone would take depending on how they’ve being raised or what they’ve had to endure throughout life. However, our priority right now is with our gorgeous baby and providing a loving, stable home. I understand it is every child’s birth right to be with birth family, however from very well reported evidence this certainly would not be in our baby’s best interests at all. Of course that’s for the judge to finalise though.

Thank you again everyone x

Hi all,
I was wondering if anyone can help me, I am in process of adopting my fiance's son. His birth mother lost custody and parental responsibility through court for child abuse and neglect in 2018.
We have been told by social services that she will have to be contacted to see if she will allow the adoption - is this right when shes lost all parental and contact rights through a court for abuse and neglect?
Thank you

Yes it is right. She has the right to consent to the adoption or contest it. If she’s lost parental rights she can only really contest the adoption in terms of not wanting x person to adopt which I know feels hard. In the case of adoption where the local authority have corporate parenting responsibilities if birth mum doesn’t consent it’ll go to court where she can contest the order. I’m not sure what happens if she contests it where the other parent has custody, I assume again it’ll go to court and she’ll contest it - which doesn’t mean she’ll win. What is your lawyer saying?