Adopted 4 yr old - tummy mummy/foster sister stories

[Kawale]

We have a beautiful, happy adopted 4 yr old girl. We fostered her when she was a few months old and then adopted her when she was 1. She loves to chat and tell stories. For a long time these focused on her 'tummy mummy' - she told elaborate tales about where her tummy mummy lives (in a castle!) and all the wonderful things in her house (a swimming pool, a bunk bed, lots of unicorns, many sisters etc). She has recently moved on to talking incessantly about her 'foster sister' (she was with a different foster mum for the first few months of her life and the family was also looking after another little girl). These stories are constant - many, many times a day in response to any new information. So, for example, if we say 'some children like playing football' she will respond 'my foster sister likes football and she wears pink trainers and... etc etc.' I am not too worried about this - I think it is just her way to process and integrate new information. But my question is, how should we respond to her stories? Generally we just nod and say ok, that is nice. But a couple of times, when she has talked about 'her room' at her foster sister's (or tummy mummy's) house, I have gently reminded her that there is not a room somewhere else for her because this is her home and we are her family. When I have said that, she gets really upset. So my question is, has anyone else experienced this and does anyone have any advice on how to respond? I tend to think that just going along with it might be fine..? She doesn't ever say she wants to go live - or even visit - these fantasy homes. I don't think it is a sign of any emotional issues - she is a really happy kid. I think/hope they are just her equivalent of imaginary friend stories. Thoughts?

I’d tend to go along with it, it’s a way of processing things they don’t quite have clear memories of and at that age magical thinking is very prevalent. I’d tandem that with more factual information in an age appropriate way, maybe using her memory book if she has one. For example if she talks about her room at her foster carers you could talk about the very special job they did caring for her while her new family could be found, and that her foster carers will have done that job for other children who will need to use her room now that she doesn’t need it.

My DS did this when he was aged 4/5 and sometimes still does, although he's a few years older now. He has no living memory of being with his foster carers, but would latch on to any new information with a story about something that happened when he was with them, including things like being struck by lightening, or helping them push a car out of a ditch (before he could even walk). He usually comes out as the hero of the story, even though he was a baby at the time. I've always shown him that I'm interested in his stories, and even asked questions to help him develop the narrative, and as Jellycat has suggested, talked to him at other times about the reality of his life with FCs. I've also gently introduced him to the concept of 'make believe', and as he's got older I've said things like, 'That's a great story. Did it happen or is it make believe?' and given him credit for having such an amazing imagination.

Oh wow, these answers are so lovely and helpful. Thank you so much for your advice and for sharing your experiences ☺️