Complete Toileting Regression

[WittyUsername123]

Our older LO (3YO) has previously been almost fully potty trained. Since the placement of younger LO (1.5YO), he has completely regressed with this, to the point he’s not indicating his needs at all, we are sitting him on the potty very regularly and he rarely goes but then wets himself immediately or shortly after. This has now progressed to number 2s as well and I am just finding it really hard to cope with? I understand he is getting something from the attention of us changing him, like we change his brother, but we don’t know how to stop that from happening. We are up to like seven changes a day and it’s pushing us over the edge in early placement.
Does anyone have any advice on this?

Just wrote the longest reply and my phone disappeared it!will try again when kids asleep!but basically was take a step back and go for pull ups for abit take the pressure off.

yes sorry, I was thinking that for me, I would defo take a step back from the toilet skills to take the pressure of it all, you've enough going on with how hard early days is and it wont do your relationship good to have all that on top, it sounds really really hard! My ds regressed when he started nursery age 2.5 and when we moved house age 5, and hes a biological ds so much less of a hard time for him than for yours just now. With nursery they put him back in nappies at nursery as too much for them. So don't feel bad to do that. I've always used huggies pull ups as they have pictures on them so look more like pants than nappies, any pull ups is a good call though maybe, do the job of nappies but feel more like pants and will be able to feel the wetness. I expect that his toilet skills will ping back when he's more settled. 3 is only wee to be toilet trained so dont feel pressure on that atall, less pressure is better and your attachment is most important so prioritise that. Good luck and take it easy on yourself.

We thought we had this down pat.

Then this week at age 4 POOMAGEDON....... Glad we have laminate floors.

They may just be too busy playing to stop. Its happens and your doing a great job.

You may not feel you need this but I found both the ERIC website and a facebook group called "Movicol mummies" (dreadful name, wonderfully informative group) incredibly useful on all things to do with toileting. Our LOs have been through this as a result of stress. With our eldest we left it for a long time hoping it would sort itself which it didn't. With LO2 we immediately spoke with an incredible nurse at ERIC who helped us enormously advising medication of softner and stimulent along with other strategies for reducing anxiety. I hope either resource is helpful for you x

My 5 year old regressed in many areas when her 18 month old sibling came home. They felt they were being pushed out and forgotten and wanted the level of connection that automatically comes from needing more support with dressing, toileting, etc. They're now much more settled and have progressed back to where they were.

I agree with just taking the pressure off - put him into pull ups for awhile until things settle down. He’ll be very thrown by your new arrival and may just have lost the capacity for toiletting - remember that trauma is stored in the body, he may not be able to physically feel the urge to go, or join the dots when he does feel the urge. Move away from treating it as behavioural - just take him back a stage. Once he feels secure again he’ll pick up the toileting skills.

but we don’t know how to stop that from happening. We are up to like seven changes a day and it’s pushing us over the edge in early placement.

I feel your pain with this, my two were 4 and 6 when placed and neither were reliably toilet trained. I remember one epic day with 19 changes of clothes - it nearly broke me. Especially given neither child would physically detach from me long enough to put the washing machine on. My DH came home to find me crying into the tumble dryer.

Thank you Jellycat, that is highly relatable!

This has now progressed to not allowing us (without a fight) to change his pull-up and getting angry and distressed if he knows that he has weed or poo’d, even if we don’t know yet!

Think I might need to start chasing referrals because the negative association with all toilet business is getting a bit much! :(

Yeah I think that’s not a bad idea especially given it’ll take time for the referral to come through. In the meantime you could try using social stories to help explain toileting (and maybe your new arrival). If you google creating social stories and your child’s age you’ll find some good ideas but basically they’re like picture stories that show a process - really good for younger children.

I never understood why someone might be cross with a child struggling with toileting, until I had children who struggled with toileting - it can be maddening.

I would say that my DD 2.5 is angry for all clothes changes and pull up changes pretty much so don't dispair it may be partly expected as he tries to get control of his situation or something?can you go back to your pace and make it fun (even though I totally know how incredibly annoying it is) and try giving him a choice of two colours of pull ups each time?that works wonders for my DD in clothes changing.huggies do 2 designs for example? Just thought that may help (altho appreciate you may have tried that already).