Where to start!!!

[Bagpuss16]

Morning everyone,

Just looking for any first hand advice as a bit of a starting point really!

Myself and my husband would like to look into adoption, we currently have a 3 year old together but are unable to have anymore bio children. We do not feel our family is done yet and we would love to be able to offer a family and home to a child.

We have started looking into different adoption agencies but it seems a bit of a minefield and so many to choose from so we're just looking for any advice on which agencies people would recommend - we are based in the midlands.

Also any advice/experience of people adopting after having a biological child would be great!

Ideally we would love a baby and I have read up on 'foster to adoption' but I realise that adopting a baby may not happen so we're just exploring options at the moment.

We would be so grateful for any advice on midlands based agencies, how to prepare ourselves as a couple and a family and any other useful information that you think may benefit us.

Thank you!

Look to see if any agencies in your area have open days so you get a feel for them and what they offer .do they offer post adoption support . What does it look like and see if the reality matches what they say. Often LA are worse than other agencies. What age ranges of children do they have which can be a movable feast. How long do they expect you to stay at home to settle them in.
Due to child needs returning to work might not be an option as sometimes the child's needs are greater then believed or are played down.

Research research and research trauma and adverse childhood experiences (ACEs). Think about the impact it will have on you and your BC.
Many agencies may want a specific age gap between Ac and BC .
Be aware the impact on BC may be significant due to needs of ac. If you are seeking a sibling for your child it could be very different from what you may envisage due to trauma of ac.

Talk to those who have adopted in your area .both recently placed and those further down the road.

What battles can you take on education system ,SW ,health needs ,community, benefits .it can be never ending as most things are a fight if they need extra help. That's what I found draining. Often they need support into adulthood.

Adoption can be rewarding but a very difficult road to travel.

I always recommend joining adoption UK for it's really excellent webinars and it's prospective adopter zoom meet ups,I found them so helpful.theres loads and loads of great reading and learning to start.a and f podcast is great,and Sally Donovan is great to read.our LA had a two year gap needed between older child and adopting.our process took 3 years and we ended up adopting our daughter who was 19 months at the time and very much a baby.early days placement is really hard,but the whole team around us were excellent.good luck!

If you want a baby with no known disability, an LA might be the saver bet. However, I second @Trainham 's advice: go and meet agencies. We decided to wait 3 months to be able to start with the one we felt best about, even though we could have started immediately with another. One of the best decisions we ever made. If you are in London, I would recommend meeting with Coram and Family Futures. Ask for their post-adoption support. Some VAs offer additional support on top of the one you are entitled to from the RAA/LA. That can make a big difference.

Read "Preparing for Adoption" by Julia Davis, "Want to Adopt?" by Helen Oakwater and Sally Donovan's "No Matter What" (and all other of her books). Dan Hughes' "Building the Bonds of Attachment" will also give you a good idea on what you might be signing up for. Read as much as you can, listen to podcasts, talk to adopters, become a member of AUK to get a full picture. Having a birth child is something very different from adopting a traumatised child - and they all are, babies included.

You will read a lot of stuff that sounds very scary. Adoption is not for everyone and you need to think hard about your decision. We have not always had an easy ride and are not out of the woods yet, but I have never regretted it for a second.

Often LA are worse than other agencies.

LA’s are often slower than other agencies because other agencies are paid upon completion of assessment so it’s in their interests to get it done quickly, on the other hand LA’s are the people who actually place children with families so it tends to get kids with more complex needs/uncertain futures who are placed through other agencies.

I’d talk to a few different places and get a feel for them. Be wary of ones that offer you the world in terms of ongoing support, VAs tend to offer better support than LAs but the reality is support is fairly limited across the board. Listen to how they talk about the children they place and prospective adopters, that will tell you a lot about their values generally.

I'm in the Midlands & went with Birmingham children's Trust. They were amazing & hit every time scale they set for assessments. We are 3 years post adoption but I can still pick up the phone to our sw & I have done. Also been sent on course post adoption order when I have asked. Feel free to message me if you have any questions about them.

Hi not trying to put you off foster to adopt, it’s a route close to my heart, but please consider that it’s not 100% the child would stay with you (have personal experience of this) and that will have an impact on your three year old who will have developed a bond with the child, and will grieve their loss. It’s just something I want to put out there so u can think about it.
done completely out of love and not to rain on anyone’s parade x