Half sibling

[AnonymousAdopter]

I usually post here under a different name, but would like a disconnect on searches for this post.

My DC's Birth Mum has had a baby, 16 years after my youngest. She is in a much better place than when my DC were young, she is coping, and has been 'signed off' by social services. I'm happy BM has been able to turn herself around.

But now my DC have to cope with 'being replaced', and 'will she stop loving them' or 'forget about them'. This isn't new news, baby is 20-30 months now. DC2 in particular was only a baby when taken into care and has had a rough time herself recently.

Not sure what I want from this post. Maybe just to feel less alone and support in supporting DC.

You are definitely not alone. I am dealing with the same with DS, but he is much younger than your dc and the gap is just a few years with his sibling. I wish we didn't have to deal with this, but yes it's great that bm has got herself together. I just tell this in a very factual way to DS - she didn't have the right skills to parent

Aargh it chopped off the end of my message!

She has learnt how to be a parent now. It doesn't change her love for you. You can love many people, etc.

It's hard though.

10 months after DS placed, BM had another baby. Assessment still ongoing but looks like baby is staying with BM.

I feel the same as you. Pleased she could make these changes and her baby can stay with her. Sad for my DS who will have to learn that he has a half sibling, who knows their biological dad, less than a year after he was placed with us. It’s hard. At the moment he’s only little so we are still working on the word ‘adoption’ but I do worry about how he’ll manage the news when he’s older.

Thank you. I think what has been hard for us is this news came after so many years, but actually just when both DC were having their own wobbles as they entered adulthood. Plus of course now they could ask to see BM if they wanted to, but a half sibling brings extra issues.

Have they had life story work? We have a similar situation but involves a full sibling close in age that we have always had contact with, and three half siblings 15 years younger than my son, though all of them eventually ended up in care.
The important thing for us was him understanding why he is adopted, not just the how.
As we all do, when we become adults we realise that our parents are just people, it's just layered with complexity for our kids.
My son has been able to grasp why they are like they are, doesn't hurt less but means he can move forward because he knows none of it was his fault, that there is nothing wrong with him.
That's were your children need to get to, an acceptance of them as people with flaws, who have been able to turn their lives around - but its not easy getting there

We've had this too. A half sibling that stayed with birth mum. We have explained that it was the fact birth mum and birth dad were together meant they were removed but now birth mum is with a different partner is the reason half sibling has not been removed. In our letterbox contact we hear lots from birth mum about half sibling and it's hard to hear, but also great that she has turned her own really troubled life around. We hear nothing from birth dad, which kind of makes it easier, almost as though he was the issue not birth mum if that makes sense.