Milk Bank

[Misstabithabean]

Just listened to a programme on radio 4 called The Milk Bank from a series called The Untold. It follows the story of a woman who became a mother through surrogacy and obtained human breast milk through a milk bank.
It reminded me that before we adopted I had looked into the possibility of our LO having breast milk (we were hoping to do F2A) but by the time he arrived he was established on formula so breast milk wasn't an option unfortunately.
I just wanted to raise awareness for any adopters going through approval that milk banks exist and are designed to support the most vulnerable babies who cannot access breast milk otherwise. Whether SW would approve it in an adoption case is another matter!

Formula is fine. I can't see why donated milk would be of benefit in adoption, unless the baby is on special care etc, in which case the paediatricians will probably advise, and it'll be up to birth parents (as they retain PR).

I can't see an argument for making a complex situation more complex by asking for donated milk when there is safe, available artificial milk. For a baby already losing everything etc, getting consistency in flavour from formula is probably a good idea, rather than a variety of donated milk. Donated milk is usually for sick babies in special care.

I would second the reminder given above that at this early stage birth parents have patental rights and (in most F2A cases) the opportunity to have high levels of contact. During contact the patents provide formula and the foster carers provide the same formula for baby while they are in their care. Often that formula is just whatever the hospital provided at birth. I'm not certain it would be the most respectful thing to speak with a birth mum about the health benefits of their baby being fed by another mum's breast milk. I have heard of one F2A arrangement where birth mum wanted her baby to be breast fed and as complex as it was an (incredible) health visiting team managed the expressing and delivery of milk to the foster carer. With utmost respect meant - while I think raising awareness of milk banks is certainly a positive thing - from my personal experiences of picking up newborns from hospital, this just wouldn't be a fair conversation to have with a very vulnerable new mum. 🌸

Thanks @EG88 for your sensitive response to this. I hadn't even thought about the birth parents' PR when I posted and I suppose was looking at it from my perspective of not being able to provide something for my son that I would have liked to!

I found it a very interesting programme to listen to and found it brought up a few strong feelings and memories for a number of reasons.

I can truely understand your motivation for positing and your desire to do that for your son. Wishing you well x

A little more bluntly- yes, your lack of thought re birth parents was evident.

If anyone's milk should be used in those early days, it would be birth mum's.

There was an article on breast feeding for adopted babies in the adoption UK magazine a while back,so may be worth a read.i also feel sad for my daughter that she's not had that.

I hear that I have touched a nerve @Duckdoesntwaddle ! I know breast feeding can be an emotive topic and couple that with a post mentioning adoption and surrogacy, it's understandable!

As I stated above, I hadn't considered the PR aspect when I posted as I was thinking about the topic from my perspective. I suppose also wondering if the inability to provide breast milk was something other adopters ever thought about and listening to the programme today, this appeared to be a solution when breast milk is unavailable. However, @Duckdoesntwaddle and @EG88

Sorry posted too soon!

However, other posters have raised points I hadn't considered. That is one of the things I value about Mumsnet and the adoption board in particular, that it allows the consideration of different perspectives.

In our case, LO was in special care, breast milk from his birth mother was not an option, so today I was interested to hear about the potential for alternatives. Our journey was over 5 years ago and I have limited information but quite a few wonderings about that period of his life. The programme today brought some of that to the surface for me.

@EG88

@Duckdoesntwaddle I am really confused by why you are so upset by the OP. I don't want to sound harsh, as I am sure you did not mean your post to sound so, but it did sound so to me. This is not something I know anything about from an adopters perspective, but as a health care professional and mum who is still breastfeeding her toddler. There are benefits of breast milk over formula, especially to newborns, the WHO recognises this. This is not to say that formula is not also amazing, but the OP was just raising that milk banks might be a option. This might be something that the birth mothers would also be interested in for the health of their babies. It might not be appropriate or right in some cases, and I am not sure how many milk donations would be available anyway, but I am confused as to why you are so upset by the OP trying to provide useful information.

I mean this is the spirit of curiosity, as we are at the start of considering an adoption, and I had also thought about whether we would be able to access donated breast milk (of course with the consent of the birth mother).

@MustTryHarderAgain I think you have some learning to do regarding adoption.

A newborn who has already been through trauma in the womb, trauma in the first few days, needs anything possible to be consistent- having their only source of nutrition tasting unfamiliar from a variety of women, vs nice consistent formula... Birth parents would be having contact, and a birth mum separated from her baby, breastfeeding is difficult. It's very very rare that a newborn is placed for adoption without uncertainty. Show me the evidence that outside very sick infants on scbu, donated breast milk is better than formula? It's just not appropriate- it's about your wants, and likely prejudice towards formula, than what baby needs- which is one predictable, uniform thing in their lives which so far have been full of unpredictability. It shows a lack of empathy with birth family, especially birth mums, with the baby, and lack of understanding of the UK adoption system to think that milk banks are in any way relevant to adoption.

Get over whatever is your prejudice about formula- formula is fine. I have done both- breastfed birth kids, formula adopted. It's what was best for them.

I have absolutely no prejudice about formula, it is life saving. I was just saying that this is maybe something for individual birth mothers to decide what is right, with the team around them and was truly shocked by the tone of your earlier post. I don't think we should be imposing our own views a out feeding options on parents either way. I definitely do have a lot more to learn about adoption and do take your point about consistency of feed taste.

If a birth mother was to ask for donated milk to be given (rather than her own, or formula) that would be different. There isn't a huge supply of donated milk, and it's usually used in sick babies in the early days- adopters will have nothing to do with this decision, it would be between a birth mum and the medical team.

OP doesn't mention that. My tone is because I get sick of opinions from people that don't understand adoption, and have no empathy with baby or birth parents, and don't understand the UK system. And also don't understand evidence around breastfeeding, or the use and evidence around donated milk banks. Milk banks have nothing to do with adoption. Adoption is child focused- this isn't child focused, it's all about the adopters' wanting to choose how a traumatised baby that they don't yet have PR for is fed. It's not appropriate.

Yes it would of course be the birth mother's decision and also there might be an issue with getting enough breast milk to make it worth while. I was offered I think 3 donations for my birth baby whilst my milk came in (I actually chose to use small amounts of formula instead), you would I assume want far more than this to make it worthwhile for an adopted baby to be fed with donated milk and from what you say maybe enough for it to be their only feed for a while, so possibly not at all practical.

I am 100% against the breast is best mantra, as this is not always the case, can make mothers feel guilty, and formula is amazing. I think that the health benefits of breast milk are often over played and babies are very healthy with formula. The evidence for the benefits of breastmilk is maybe not as strong as some groups would have everyone believe. However, there are health benefits to breast milk, and I really think the OPs post came with kindness and sharing at heart.

I do have an awful lot more to learn about adoption, which is why I am on this board. I didn't like your initial tone, but you have taught me something, so thank you.