I didn’t do it!

[Noimaginationforaun]

Looking for some advice please! Our LO is 3 1/2. They’ve been home 18 months. Lately, we have been going through a ‘I didn’t do it’ phase. For everything. A rip in a book, toys on the floor, a dropped jacket. Really small things! We are trying to get across that he needs to tell the truth so we say things like ‘ok, it’s ok if you did do it, we can fix it together ‘ or ‘you’re not in trouble. You can tell us the truth. We will help!’ And then we sort whatever’s happened. Fix the book/help tidy up toys/mop up a spill.

Just looking for advice really! Do we just carry on repeating as we are? Should we be doing something different? We want to try get on top of it because we want to instil in him that he can always tell us the truth and we will help and think it’s better to try sort it whilst it’s little things!

personally leaving toys on the floor or dropping clothes don’t seem to me to be worth making an issue about telling the truth.

Getting them into the habit of tidying up after themselves is a different matter. So at the end of the day, or before dinner or whatever we all help to tidy the house, you put your toys away so I can hoover the carpet type of thing, then we can all sit and have dinner in a nice tidy house.

Tearing a book is easy to do accidentally, its obvious who left the toys out, so I just wouldn’t make it about who is to blame - its about learning to tidy up,

Our children can have very deep-seated shame responses and will avoid any ‘truth’ that can expose them. I agree with Ted, I wouldn’t force the issue of truthfulness about minor issues, or indeed, any issues, as that way lies madness (bitter voice of experience of 15 years of parenting an adopted teen). Perhaps adopt the C for curiosity from the Dan Hughes PLACE model so rather than directly asking for ‘truth’, instead wonder out loud how on earth the mess/dropped jacket/etc can possibly have happened but never mind, because together you’re the Tidy Team and, like Bob, you can fix it in no time?

I agree with picking your battles, I tend to go for playfulness with that kind of thing “my goodness those clothes have managed to throw themselves all over the floor, let’s get them picked up quickly”, or “let’s guess how the book got ripped” and make up the most bizarre stories about how it happened. Usually it ends in lots of laughter and they’ll tell me what actually happened a while later. But my two are older, and I’ve really modelled not getting upset when things go wrong so they know they can tell me safely.