Starting out what to expect

[newbsie]

Hi all, hope everyone is hanging in there lol

We are literally just starting out with everything with LA in Northern Ireland, we had a visit in jan for initial discussion and we were then invited to come to the course .. the next one was April but full so we have had to wait for the next which is next week! So we’ve already had a long wait lol
Im just wondering what we can expect going forward .. the course is 3 days then after that my questions are

• how soon will we be appointed a sw and when will the next part of the process likely start
• what does the medical involve (previous Ivf so I’m picturing what was involved in medicals there though I know obv won’t be anything like that lol)
• finance wise it seems to differ from what I’ve read on here but is there anyone from NI that can help with what we need to provide
• animal wise we have 2 dogs that we were told are ok to move forward with atm but I’m wondering what the assessment for them will involve

Thank you all in advance for any answers you can help with x

My info on this would be so out of date it isn't worth giving. But best wishes on your journey. (Adopted 15 years ago, both now adults!)

@UnderTheNameOfSanders thank you for taking the time to post ☺️ I can’t wait until I’m at the other end of the process… obv I know that’s when the hard work actually starts lol

Hi I can only tell you what happened with us and the process may be out of date now as we did this in 2006

Adoption course completed , one day a week for 4 weeks. It was really informative and enjoyable and we met a great group of people some of whom have become life long friends.

At the end of the course we had what was then called an exit interview. This was where , based on how we had been assessed during the course we were told whether it not we would be taken forward to the next stage. ( out of our whole group only one couple were rejected but they appealed ( quite rightly! ) and went on to adopt two children)

You are then told when you are likely to be allocated a SW. Couples are prioritised based on the type of child they are hoping to adopt and the number/type of children waiting for parents.

We were told we were lowest priority because we had made it clear we wanted to adopt an infant.

So we were the last of our group to be allocated a SW and the last to be approved at adoption panel.

Despite all that we ended up being the first to be matched and the first to bring our child home.

Timeline was

Adoption course July
Exit interview September
SW allocated February
Approval panel May
Matched June
Matching panel August
Introductions and placement September

We were very lucky in that the process for us was 18 months from first meeting with the local authority to bringing our boy home.

@AngelsWithSilverWings thank you for your help, I can’t believe the time it took to be allocated a social worker that’s way longer than I’d expected though still worked out well with the 18month completion! Our course is over three consecutive days just so we are there next Wed/thurs and Friday. We are planning on concurrent or F2A so more likely ours will be an infant too so may push our timeline for sw being allocated back a bit also then.

Do you know how many / what age you are thinking about?
Ours were 2.5 and nearly 8 when placed together (sisters).

@UnderTheNameOfSanders I was hoping for under 1, husband happy to go a bit older upto 2-3. Obv a discussion needs to be had and we need to agree for going forward.. I think we will do this after next weeks course. I think with us planning on concurrent/ F2A it will be a younger child … from what i gathered from initial meeting

I think just the one though I think I’d take twins if they were offered. Though I do see myself with adding another at some point … this may change depending on how things go lol

Hi @newbsie welcome to the process! I am from Northern Ireland. You will find the whole adoption process in Northern Ireland very different from the rest of the UK! The first major thing that will affect you is there are no time-scale guides that are monitored for performance review. Take the timescales you may be offered and double them to get an understanding of what you might be on for. These boards and adoption uk forum will be helpful for getting information on trauma etc for your homestudy, tips on transition, therapeutic parenting and managing early days of placement etc. however, do not take the posts in it as a guide to understanding the process you are about to go through or the stages of care for children who are going to be adopted. We have a very different system in place here.

I am going to PM you with some thoughts and happy for you to bounce off me as you go along. Exciting times for you and your husbands

My 2.5 year old was like a big baby when placed. Still in nappies, on 3 bottles of milk a day, only just starting to link words, unsteady on her feet, and in 12-18mnth babygrows (small for age). Children who have been through care are often behind for their age.

The younger they are the more input you get, but the more chance there are hidden issues.

If you would consider twins, then have a think about a sibling pair. It's a tough jump to start with, but they have each other, and only one set of background & contact to consider. Though balancing the needs of 2 can be tough, and for us it has been a bit Hobson's choice at times where the needs were contradictory.

Thank you @UnderTheNameOfSanders defo something to consider!

Similar to this. Ours were 2.5 and 6 when placed last year. Youngest was still in nappies, still in a cot, still on pureed baby food and still using bottles of milk for comfort and to go to bed, and had a handful of words.

he is now 3.5 and is still in nappies but in big boy bed, in big boy high chair eating a good range of foods and talking non stop. I was treated to this via the baby monitor this morning

Santa might bring you a present daddy, I might get a dinosaur present from mine list. Ho Ho Ho merry Christmas Ho Ho Ho merry Christmas

Eldest has had a few more issues but she was with birth family for a lot longer. We've settled into a good routine with both of them now we are both back at worl and things are going really well

We knew from the start we wanted siblings and older ones (ie not a baby). Cant help on the NI details as we're England but we started the process 2 years ago, we're approved July last year and linked with our 2 a month later. We had matching panel November last year. The medicals were nothing major, full health history, blood tests and a quick check from a doctor.

@claireb7rg awwww how lovely that he’s come along so well.. I love that age when they become aware of Christmas. sound like your doing an amazing job with them both 😊
thank you for your reply, also for the medical info!!

Hi newbsie,

These are the forms that our AA required the GP to use for the medical: corambaaf.org.uk/resources/electronic-forms/health-forms-uk-wide

It felt quite general - height, weight, reflexes, urine, heart, lungs etc. and a thorough review of our medical records. All the details should be in the form.

In terms of timeline, we're not in England either, and my impression is that that means things moving more slowly. For us, it has been something like:
First contact: emailed AA, told to wait a year as our BC was too young
1 year later: attended open evening
1 yr, 4 mths: first SW visit
1 yr, 11 mths: preparation course
2 yrs, 3 mths: SW allocated
3 yrs, 1 mth: approved
3 yrs, 9 mths: match fallen through
5 yrs, 5 mths: still waiting

However, this seems to be the slowest I have heard of, which is partly due to us having a BC. We also took breaks of a couple of months each twice, which seems to have slowed things massively - both times, we thought we had to digest things and think about them to make sure we def wanted to do this, only to be told when we got back to the AA that now our built-in 'time to consider' would start. We never knew these breaks were part of the process and wouldn't have asked for time out ourselves had we known, so I'd recommend asking them all the questions about the process in advance!

Wishing you all the best! :)

@AKingdomForAUsername this is great help thank you ! The link to the forms it’s great to have more of an idea of what to expect there! Yours has been a long journey so far, I’m learning that there really isn’t a set target to go by, although they can give out guidelines these don’t seem to fit most peoples actual experience. I guess I need to just jump on board and see where it takes me 🙈 x