Early days - struggling

[ScottishBeth]

We are less than a month in with an adorable 14 month old. It has been going well, but this week we have really struggled with sleep.

Previously she was sleeping through for 11 or 12 hours a night. And napping for 1.5 - 2 hours each afternoon. But that has suddenly changed. Nights, while not horrendous, are a bit more disturbed.

Yesterday and today she has totally refused her naps. I have now been driving around with her for an hour, with a 10 minute break where I read to her. But she just isn't settling at all. And now I'm pulled over crying. I just have no idea what to do.

Hopefully someone with baby experience will be along with some advice.

no one knows what to do when the first bring a child home - and its hard, and you are allowed to say so.

Hope you are now and she is settled.

Thank you. It has been a hard couple of days. I think I needed to let it all out! I'm worried I scared her when she saw me crying though.

After posting I went to sit in the back seat, got her out of the car seat and had a little cuddle, which was good. She then fell asleep just before 4, which wasn't ideal for bedtime! However I had a chat to my partner about how I was feeling. We had a stressful time after she woke up and before tea, with LO being very upset. But she enjoyed tea, we had a spontaneous bath, and our nice evening routine. My partner is currently doing bedtime upstairs so fingers crossed.

It's amazing how quickly you forget all the different struggles. Where does she normally go for her nap? I found sticking to the same routine and always going down in the cot at nap time helped massively, but that was easy to achieve with one and I appreciate your circumstances may not allow for that.

Could it be a sleep regression? I've copied a link but have a Google as loads of info out there on sleep regressions, may just mean her sleep pattern needs switching about a bit.

Best of luck and hope you all get a good night's rest. X

huckleberrycare.com/blog/navigate-sleep-regressions-and-pattern-shifts-like-a-pro

Thanks. Yeah, we do generally put her down in her cot for the afternoon nap. She has previously been falling asleep on us then easily transferred. But that has changed all of a sudden. I'll look at the sleep regression stuff. But as she usually only naps once a day any way (unless a super early start), I'm not sure what we can do.

Anyway, we did have a good night's sleep. And my partner have a good plan for if she refuses again. We also feel like a team again. I would never have thought my very low stress relationship would be much more difficult with a child!

I know it doesn't suit all little (and big) people but we found baby carrier naps really worked here. LOs still felt close and connected in the carrier where as cot sleeping was scary for them. It also let us walk in fresh air or be hands free to sit or potter about the house. I know alot of people don't do the inward (chest to chest) hold on a carrier past a certain age but one of our LOs is over 3 and still occasionally naps this way when out and about if they or tiered or just need a long cuddle. It might be worth a try xx

Congrats on the little one!!!Naps were the absolute stress of my life when mine were that age, its a nightmare hard to know if too much nap, when to nap, if too tired/not enough tired, and everyone giving you advice, and all you are desperate to get it right and in routine for some sleep, so stressful. Honestly when the naps are over things are easier, although in the transition time it doesnt feel like it as they are like the golddust of rest I know! Our youngest came to us at 18 months not long ago with just one nap so maybe its just soon to dropping a nap, which is no fun atall but part of the next stage. What we found helpful was completely accepting that they dont sleep, and every time anyone asked how they were sleeping, just to say, sleeping like a baby. They dont sleep, dont expect them to then you dont get stressed with it, I got so stressed the first one and then just found lit so much easier when the stress/expectation is removed. Hold them on you if they sleep like that, absoluetly, prioritise that over all other things, I watched like the whole of Lost with the first one on me, just set that up as a norm where you relax and they sleep on you. Or go for the sling nap option so you feel you are getting excerise and they are getting snuggle sleep, a long walk together can be perfect for attachment, or a sofa snuggle, whichever works. Even now on my third if she falls asleep holding my hand thats the priority, have yourself ready for that down time and go with it because it will do you both good. Unbelievable stress naps are I know, we still joke about the times I sent my husband out pram walking not allowed to come home till the nap was done, its so hard, but its not forever, soon be trying to get them to bed like mine are now still up looking for fun!

We found the rockit shaker for the buggy was a life saver in the first few months with our LO. They came to use at 12 months and sleeping was hard to say the least. This silly little gadget worked like a charm. We did need to bring the buggy to there room but so glad we had it.

It does get better so congrats on your new family and good luck.

Hi everyone. Thank you so much for the responses. I think we were lulled into a false sense of security with her sleeping so well at the beginning! I'll have a look at all your suggestions.

Just out of interest has anyone found their LO regressed on moving in with you to the point that you reintroduced a night feed, even if they hadn't had them for a while?

Also in terms of fight, flight, freeze. Would it be possible that she was sleeping more as part of a freeze response? Or lying awake but silent?

In terms of regression - 100%! Our 2 year old came home to us having no naps and then about a month in it was actually my mum who sat me down and said ‘he needs to sleep’. I somehow felt like a failure if we went back on where he was.

In reality, it was the best thing we did! I started to believe in myself as a Mum and we reintroduced a nap. He started sleeping 12-2 each day and 12 hours at night. It lasted about 7-8 months but it did us all the world of good.

It is ok if LO is regressing a bit and I think totally normal! Adoption is so hard, particularly the early days, do what you need to do to make everyone happy and comfortable! If that means a night feed, give a night feed! It’s ok!

Hi ScottishBeth, I’m an adoptee with 2 birth children. I wonder if perhaps little one might have been utterly exhausted from all the stimulation of new place, new people and, now they are adjusting, is waking more often? I would say it’s perfectly normal to wake multiple times a night. My dd is 17 months and still wakes a lot. We cosleep, which has worked for us, but isn’t for everyone. Night time wise, I’d go with the same familiar routines, speaking to reassure but repeating that it’s bedtime now or making gentle hushing sounds. I know as an adoptee, hypervigiliance still disrupts my sleep, so perhaps an element of that could be involved? I’d agree with trying a night feed, also (which you’re probably already doing) responding as you would with a young baby, perhaps rocking back to sleep or rubbing their back.

Naps are tricky. The age can be awkward as I find they don’t always sleep when ‘supposed’ to. I usually try to do something active prior to nap time and then a gentle down regulating activity just before. I definitely find mine less likely to nap if they’ve not done enough physical activity (if we stay at home, naps often fail). My DD still prefers contact naps, but this may or may not be something your little one likes. I would persevere with the nap, but if you feel a different time might be better then maybe try that? My DS loved ocean waves, whereas my Dd loved white noise and now gentle piano lullabies or a bit of Adele. Do you know whether your little one had a sound or similar previously that you could use to help? I think sometimes it’s easier to incorporate successful stuff from the night time routine for naps.

Also just a quick physical thought - have you checked in her mouth for lumps and bumps indicating new teeth or noticed extra dribble or red cheeks? My DD often had teething pain at 14 months and a bit of calpol really helped. Bottlefed babies can also use teething gel to numb the site short term. Teething toys can also be good and some babies/toddlers like them from the fridge to add cooling.

Really hope her sleep settles again soon x