Safe sleeping

[ScottishBeth]

I know this isn't an adoption related issue, but I feel like asking on the regular boards might require over-explaining and lots of adoption related questions. Plus I know some people here have birth children, or adopted young babies, so might be able to help.

Our little one is 14 months old, been with us less than a month. The problem is that all the advice is aimed at people with newborns, and we haven't yet met the health visitor. I am aware I am also extra concerned about this as a young child I was very close to died in his sleep a few years ago. And he was older than our little girl. I am so worried about her overheating in her sleep, but I don't want her to be cold and uncomfortable either.

At the moment she sleeps in a vest (the ones with poppers), socks and a sleepsuit. She has a cou0le of blankets but wriggles all over the place and they don't last long at all! We added the socks as her feet were very cold after the first night. They helped but her feet are still a bit colder than we'd like and it's about to get colder.

We were thinking from tonight to also add leggings under the sleepsuit. Will that be safe? And maybe put an extra blanket over when we check on her, in the hope that it will last longer as she's already asleep.

For the longer term we have considered a fleecy sleepsuit, a very expensive merino wool one, a sleeping bag (but FC says she didn't tolerate these last year), and/or an oil filled radiator in her room (with a thermostat so it only comes on when needed).

Does anyone have any advice on all of this? I know it's irrational but I'm really upset by it all.

I was very worried about BC when they were very young.
I ended up getting a Gro egg which gives you a guide on whether the temperature is too hot in the room (it’s not an essential, but I think it was good for an anxious Mum like me!)
I purchased a few sleeping bags of different togs as I believe they are considered the safest option these days? (other posters please correct me if I’m wrong).
The Tommy Tippee Grobag site gives a guide to what they wear under the sleeping bag depending on tog and temperature - www.tommeetippee.com/en-gb/product-support/support-grobag
Hope this helps.

It's always a worry yes!our house is very cold and our 2 year old has a vest,long sleece pj top,thick pj trousers and thick pj top then socks and uses one of those toddler sleeping bags which has been really good since we used that as she then can't take her socks off or throw off the blankets and it doesn't bother her she can still stand up in it.im not sure what tog it is though.i would ditto what pp said about a temperature device as that will help reassure you?I'd maybe try the sleep grobag things as may help?

We found with all of ours as babies that an oil filled radiator with thermostat was the best solution. You might only need to do it for a year, once they are in a proper bed with duvet they learn to snuggle up to keep warm. It's only while they are little they need the radiator warmth. I think it would also give you peace of mind - I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, totally understand why this would be anxious for you. I've also found babies feet are often cold, I think that's normal!

Thanks all for your replies. We do have thermometers in the room (including one that sends the data to our phones, so we know how cold it's getting).

The charts that give you the temperature and say this is what they should wear, do you go by the temperature of the room when it's hottest or coldest?

@OrangeStrawberryPlum thank you - I was heartbroken at the time, and I think I'll be anxious till little one is 17!

What temperature is LOs room getting to overnight. Health Visitor and lullaby trust indicate the ideal temp is 16-20C.
I always worry about it but HV has said that room is safer being too cold than too hot.
Try the sleeping bag again but maybe in a size up so they are more comfortable. This with PJ's should keep LO at a safe temperature. Portable heaters really dry out a room which can be uncomfortable for them and aren't recommended by Lullaby Trust.
It's a bit of a minefield but colder is safer so as long as it isn't getting too cold I'd try to relax on it a bit- not easy for us adopters to do tho!!

The room goes down to about 15 degrees at the coldest (and only briefly, heating comes on at 5:30 so it starts warming up then). But obviously it's still only 1st November.

So sorry for your loss! No wonder you're worried.

As others have said, 16-20 degrees is considered ideal, and with colder generally safer than warmer. I'd prob be happier with the temperature going below 16 later in the night than with starting way over 20. Though we used to do that, too - our house is not well insulated and we'd heat their room to 22 degrees or so when we put them to bed and were with them, knowing it would go down to 14 or 15 later. Could you programme the regular heating to come on in the wee hours for a bit? We did that and it stopped our LO from waking up due to the cold (though sometimes, the noise from the radiator woke them up...). We also moved the cot away from the window and against an internal wall.

Hands and feet feeling cold is pretty normal for babies - I used to think LO was too cold when their feet were cold, but actually, I don't think this is the case.

We were lucky in that they were happy to be in a sleeping bag - could you try again, possibly a bigger size with narrow/adjustable arm and head holes? We found it really helped, and even made sleeping elsewhere easier as they always had their wee 'cocoon' they were used to.

Also, remember that the nappy would count as one layer.

Congratulations on your LO joining your family. What a special time :) I had (and still have) such worry over our LOs but remember our HV recommending the Lulybye Trust website. I found looking for their approved products for safe sleeping was helpful. x

@ScottishBeth , many congratulations, it is a lovely age (and exactly the same age at which my
now very-nearly-15-year-old made me a mum). Just to add, and I don’t think anyone here has mentioned them, but I would invest in a few Grobags (plus cheaper supermarket equivalents) for bedtimes and then you do not have to worry about cold feet etc. You can buy different tog ratings depending on the temperature of your child’s room, and dome of them come with their own temperature gauges.

Hi everyone, thanks for your responses.

We have the last 2 nights had her in a vest and fleece sleepsuit, which has been fine. We've also bought a sleeping bag which has legs, so hopefully she'll tolerate that OK. I think she will, as it isn't too bulky and she'll still be able to move around lots. And our appointment with the health visitor has come through, so that will be reassuring.

Thanks again.

Our AD was a similar age when she came home. We used the gro bag with legs and a popper vest and ls sleep suit when it was cold. Her feet were often cold but as PP said this is ok. Check the chest/back and if this feels warm that's OK. I always used to worry as I was cold in my pj's with a 15tog duvet and she only had a 4 tog gro bag. But she was fine and snuggly as it keeps all the air in.

Hi there. I'm by no means a baby expert as my little one was same age as yours when he came home and I remember being similarly confused about these things as just couldn't find any advice aimed at the right age. I think it's really natural to have worries in our situation especially so never hesitate to ask on this board. It was a godsend to me

If it helps at all I would def agree with others re gro egg. Ours has been a worthwhile investment. He's 4 and we've used it the whole time (doubles up as a great night light) and it's reassuring. I managed to find out that a little too cool is better than hot and that the sweet spot seems to be about 16-20 (so cooler than you'd think). I know there is always at least some slight risk and I'm so sad to hear of your friends experience but generally I was if the understanding from when I sought advice on this that by this age they are far less vulnerable to things like temperature bedding etc (within reason) so do let that reassure you xxx

Oh and I should add that my sort of go to for these winter months at the time was a long sleeved/legend sleepsuit with a vest underneath and a couple blankets. That seemed about right balance. Unfortunately he wasn't used to sleeping bags when he came home so never took to them