Is there anywhere to chat for adult adoptees at all?

[Thethingswedoforlove]

I have some questions about how being adopted has affected people who are now middle aged. There isn’t so much research. In particular attachment issues and how they manifest in relation to marriage and children.

I think most support for adult adoptees focuses on contact with birth family, however its worth having a look at PAC -UK services to see if what they offer is suitable.

There is also at least one facebook group for adult adoptees, I’ve no idea about the quality of support they offer as of course as a adopter I don’t intrude on that space.
I would be careful about the adoptees groups though, as with adopter groups, they vary in what they offer. You would probably have to try a few out to find one which suits you.

good luck

AdoptionUK have started doing more work with adopted adults but I’m not sure how developed it is. Worth taking a look I think

Thank you both

I’m an adult adoptee (married with children but not yet middle aged). I agree PAC-UK might be able to help, though their counselling is short term and you can’t access it with any other complex MH diagnosis (or you couldn’t a few years ago). Specific counsellors do specialise in adoption too, so they may be able to help on a longer term basis one to one.

The only charity/group I know who may be able to help would be Adoptee Futures. They are set up and run by adoptees and I believe they offer counselling and groups.
www.adopteefutures.org/our-story

From those I know and my own experience, attachment issues can be different between different relationships and situations and also depend on the other person and their response/attachment style/personality, but they can mirror difficulties in our childhood relationships and also come from our core beliefs around ourselves, our fears and our identity. So sometimes breaking that down into our early experiences and looking at what ideas or perceptions those experiences gave us, then looking at our responses to a partner or child now in light of that can help as a starting place. I hope you find a group that can help 🙂

There is a really good private FB group.
Called
I’m adopted adoptee talk

There is also howtobeadopted.com

Thank you for these resources. Amazing

Good Morning,
I am looking for a bit of advice in relation to adoption. We have done our research extensively and we are thinking that the traditional adoption route is more suited to us. We would be first time parents after going through 5 miscarriages, our last one being in 2014. Since then we have had time to ourselves, took the pressure off, got married and brought our forever home. We’re looking to adopt a child ideally up to the age of 3 and we’re in the Staffordshire area. Does anyone have any advice on using Local Authority (LA) or or Voluntarily Adoption Agency (VAA)? I’d greatly appreciate any advice or experiences. Thanks in advance 😃

hi @Friendsfan86

You will get more response if you start your own thread,

This is a very specific thread about adult adoptees.

@Ted27 oh I’m so sorry I thought I had done that. My apologies

Hi @MagpieSong, thanks for mentioning Adoptee Futures :) I'm one of the co-founders and yes, we do provide group sessions for adult adoptees to talk/share their experiences. We are working on offering counselling but won't be for some time yet!

@Thethingswedoforlove, lovely to e-meet you! If you are adopted, our next adult adoptee event is on 29th November via Zoom at 7pm. Click here for the event link.

It’s not actually me thank you @AnnalisaToccara but it is someone I am very close to. I will pass it on. Very kind and all the work you do is much appreciated. The issues in this space are so unrecognised except by a very small number. Thank you.

@Thethingswedoforlove, fabulous! Yes, there are so many unrecognised lifelong issues in adoption that adoptees face but I am hoping that little by little, people wake up to the realities of what adoption entails. Thanks for passing our event on!

Ah amazing! Fabulous charity, wonderful to know you co-founded it!