I need a therapist

[Twigglett1]

Can anyone PM me recommendations for a therapist who understands adoption please.

I'm guessing everyone's online now and location doesn't matter.

I'm holding onto a lot of anger at the system and it's affecting my relationship with my little one.

Hello @Twigglett1

sorry you are feeling like this
Sorry I have no recemmendations - but I think many therapists are back seeing people in person now.
Can you be clearer about what you mean by 'anger at the system' - we might be able to help more

We found a therapist via a Google search for something like 'adoption therapist'- I think Psychology magazine or similar came up with a list.. just check their qualifications and specialisms to make sure that they've not just tacked 'adoption' on to their list but they actually do have experience with it. You can search by area and will show who still offers virtual meetings. Feel free to ask them questions about their experience and what techniques they use and how they think they'd be able to help you.

However, as @Ted27 has said, talking on here may also help! 🙂

Thanks both. A few people have PM'd me too which I really appreciate.

My situation is that our little one has a developmental condition which we said through assessment that we couldn't parent, it's even in our PAR. Looking back on it now, it was obvious LO would have this condition, and I feel like we weren't properly challenged to think about whether this was the right child for us.

We were so keen to adopt that we just carried on when we should have stopped it so many times.

It's not just the system, it's our fault too - we're adults and should have taken it more seriously but we let the excitement get the better of us. But I feel like they are the professionals and should be guarding the "eager parent to be" and challenging them.

We're so unhappy now. Not all day every day, but the bad outweighs the good and it will continue to get harder and harder as LO grows.

Wow. I'm not surprised you are angry at the system. Given the number of professionals involved in matching you with your child someone should have challenged this. And yes, of course you are adults too, but it's so easy for prospective parents to get swept up in the process and the excitement. The professionals don't have that.

I don't have any advice, or knowledge of finding a therapist, but just wanted to say what I did. I hope you get the support you and little one need.

Hi OP I am so sorry to hear about your situation... yet another family this has happened to.

I completely understand about the SW's ploughing things through and not explaining things. I have looked through my sons Matching paperwork and I think why on earth didnt my SW point x, y & z out and explain what they meant. Plus there were so many things that his SW massively downplayed or left out of the paperwork.

I can only offer my solidarity. Single Adopter here and from Day 1 it was obvious that the child who came home was very different to the child portrayed in the Matching Process. My AS7 has a whole host of issues that I had said I couldn't cope with.

I had to give up work a few months after returning from very extended Adoption Leave. I am on the second Mainstream school that is failing my son.

I don't know what developmental condition your LO has and the lifelong consequences. I can only say that for me after two years the good does outweigh the bad but my son has a very very rocky road ahead. More and more things continue to come out.

I am now in the process of getting his case files from the LA and Cafcass as I have been majorly HAD.

I send lots of hugs and best wishes.

Thanks Chocapple. Same here. The little one in the CPR is not the same as the one that came. We should have said something in intros and the first few weeks but put it down to regression because of the transition.

I'm grieving the child I will never have. I just need to talk to someone about it and then hopefully I'll be able to carry on parenting in the way my little one needs and deserves because whilst this is hard, none of it is LOs fault.

Twigglett1, so sorry you’re finding it so hard at the moment, it must be so difficult. I’d say try filtering counsellors re those who specialise in adoption (some also list attachment), then explain in the first email to them the types of things you’re looking to discuss. Apologies if you already know this, but they usually do a tester session where you can see if they’re someone you want to work with, as sometimes a method or even personality of someone doesn’t suit. You’d then be able to confirm if you wanted to go ahead. Lots of counsellors are still offering phone and video call as well as in person, so it can be good to look for the way you feel would be most helpful/fit in best for you.

Hi @Twigglett1 - how are you getting on? Did you find a therapist?

I'd also recommend looking at Beacon House - beaconhouse.org.uk/?section=welcome-to-beacon-house and also centre for excellence in therapeutic parenting- www.coect.co.uk

I hope things are getting easier for you.