Secondary School transition problems

[gerbilicious]

Our eldest AD has been at secondary school now for two weeks (just started year 7) and we are seeing so much regression.

She has been with us for 4.5 years and primary school was really supportive and combined with a lot of work, patience and therapy sessions we have all made lots of progress - almost all of which seems to have been undone in the past fortnight.

She helped pick her school out of the two options we had and at the time we felt either could work.

Since then we had a meeting with the deputy head (every incoming pupil had one) and when we brought up her background were told it wasn't something to discuss then but with the head of year. Having heard nothing further we got in touch with the head of year who has now passed it to a SEN staff member. We saw the SEN person at an open evening this week who hasn't yet seen her file (tried to say they wouldn't have it yet but I had already checked with primary who confirmed it had been sent over!), asked what diagnosed SEN difficulties there are (there aren't any) and said they will be in touch when they have reviewed the file.

At school she presents as a "model pupil" and had no learning or other difficulties.

However, emotionally and mentally things can get too much for her, she puts a lot of pressure on herself and little things can cause her a lot of frustration.

Primary school were aware of this and staff would check in with her and were able to sort if something was wrong and easily approachable if we needed to let them know anything. They have also been in touch with secondary school about being aware of her background and the difference between how she presents and what is going on underneath.

At the moment we are feeling like they are not really "getting it" (despite touting being a Trauma Informed School) and aren't sure what else to do other than support her like we have been and hope they get back to us soon.

I am really hoping there will be light at the end of the tunnel soon and wonder if anyone has any positive experiences or advice they can share.

That must be really difficult for you. I dont have any kids yet (process of matching) but i read no matter what by sally donovan and if im thinking of the right book, she had a lot of problems with a school and her little one. Her social worker went in for a meeting with her to the school so maybe this is something you could ask for support with?
It does seem like a lot of schools say the words trauma informed but dont actually act upon it.
If i was you i would demand a meeting about this asap before it becomes too much of a toll on your child and try get them to commit to some actions!

Good luck

I think you have to be clear and specific on what you want.

do you want your child to have a time out card?

do you want the form tutor to check in on her?

be specific about what you want to happen. I have to say - the transition anyway will be very testing for your daughter no matter the school. It doesn’t sound like they’re being great but from your post I’m not sure what you’re hoping for. She may not want those things.

if she is not SEN then the SENCO will have nothing to do with her. It’s really the job of the head of year, but there also does have to be someone in the school who is responsible for looked after children or post looked after children.

there also is supposed to be a member of staff responsible for mental health and well being in every school now. You could try that person too!!!

Really there should have been a clear transition plan for her that considered her particular needs. The move from the safety of primary school to the independence of secondary school is massive and individual class teachers are going to struggle to remember each child’s individual needs without a clear plan.

I agree she needs support but I’d be going to any meeting with a clear idea of what you’d like to try, eg being able to move between classes 5 mins before/after other kids, time out if she needs it etc. The difficulty with primary school having been so good with her is that you’ve not had to put strategies in place for her to cope with school so in some ways you’re starting from scratch.

In the meantime working with her on things like growth mindset, emotional literacy and anxiety management might help her resilience. Also have a look at change and transition processes which will help you understand how she might be processing this change in her life.

Your first port of call at secondary is usually the Form Tutor, followed by the Head of Year. Then there may be a separate Pastoral section (or there may not).

When DDs started we provided a 1 page summary of background and needs to tutor, and went from there.

Definitely be as clear as you can about what you actually want them to do.

The school must have a designated F/LAC person and you need to get in touch with that person. This member of staff should check in with your daughter at least once a week and build a relationship and your daughter should know where to find them, in case of problems.

Ideally, your daughter should be assigned a "safe adult" - another person she can go to in case of need (eg. her form teacher). That person needs to know about her needs, what to look out for, how to support her and they should build a strong relationship with her.

The LAC person at my daughter's old secondary created a sheet about my children which every teacher got. It was one sheet of A4 with a diagram which described very briefly: their background, underlying feelings, resulting behaviours/ behaviours to look out for, how to support the child. (If I remember correctly. In case you are interested, I can look it up). It was really just key words, but gave a good overview.

Often teachers are well intended but have no clue what to look out for or how to respond in case of problems. Due to data protection (I assume) they are not being told by the school. So you need to tell them.

I would talk to your child about where to go when she feels unsafe (eg. the library) and who to speak to. You need to pay close attention to what she says. If she mentions other children being unkind to her, get on the case straight away. Do not rely on teachers. They will always tell you the class is lovely and she is doing fine, if she is not acting out or there is very obviously something going on. I speak from bitter experience here.

Use the term "additional needs". She might not have SEN, but she certainly has additional needs and is vulnerable. The secondary is getting a lot of extra money for her, so ask how they are planning to use that money and how they are making sure she is well supported at their school. If the school says they are "trauma informed", ask them how that manifests in day to day school life. What training have staff had? What concrete measures are they taking to support traumatised children? What does that actually mean?

Ideally, your child should have spend a few days at the school before the summer holidays or started at the school a few days before everyone else with other vulnerable children to get a headstart and to get to know some members of staff. You should not have to wait for the school to contact you, but they should be proactive. Sorry, but they do not sound great.

However, in my view what is going to make or break your daughter will be her relationship with the other children. I would pay VERY close attention to that for year to come.

Good luck!

@gerbilicious , I’m late to this thread so I’m hoping that things may have picked up by now?

My DD1 is now in Y10 but I can still remember the stress and worry of the Y7 start; for children and parents alike.

Below is, in my opinion, THE best easy-to-access document produced about adoption for educators.

www.adoptionuk.org/Handlers/Download.ashx?IDMF=2526da29-c08b-446c-8db3-b483bf8e5d1c

I would recommend sending a copy of this to your child’s form tutor, SENCO, head of SEND and the deputy head. I would also speak to your local Virtual School teacher responsible for all looked after and previously looked after children and ask what they can do to help. Virtual schools aren’t always too keen to help adopted children, but it is a legal requirement that they do. Similarly, your child’s school must, by law, have a dedicated teacher who is responsible for all children who are care experienced. I’m happy to send you the relevant Acts of education law, if you can stand that level of detail!

The move to secondary is a massive one for all children, let alone our children who are trauma experienced. My biggest piece of advice would be to take as much pressure off your child as possible; help them to pack their bags at night, refill their water bottles, lay their uniform out for the morning, pack their lunches, check their planners and homework diaries and help them prioritise, organise their breakfasts, leave their shoes by the front door, develop security systems of saving their bus passes, lanyards and locker keys (stretchy key rings attached to the zip loops of backpacks for us). In short, despite our desire to promote independence, it sometimes helps to ‘baby’ our children again, in the same way they have missed out on lots of nurture. Lower your expectations and expect lots of lost gear (annoying as it is, ‘stuff’ can always be replaced.’

Try not to plan too much for weekends in the short-term to allow for maximum downtime. My DD was utterly exhausted for weeks after starting secondary school.

My thinking cap is on but I’ve got to do an activity pickup so I’ll be back later!