Drop offs

[jabbathewhat]

What are the best strategies??

I am just wondering if anybody has any tips. I won’t have to do it very often but I have to do it tomorrow whilst I’ve got my older child with me.

i know she will be very clingy and upset - but I feel like I never dealt with this well when my son had to go to the Childminders. I just remember him crying inside and me crying outside. This is slightly different as it’s a nursery.

i am dreading going back to work!! Wish I could just take 2 more years off but I just can’t. I am reducing my hours in January but because of notice periods I can’t do it sooner!

she has a much harder time of settling into our family - she found it much more difficult than our son did. And I just feel like she could have done with another year at least before going to nursery.

i realise this is largely a moan!

I had to do the drop & run with my youngest. He would scream, and cling for dear life. It broke my heart, but I had to just run out of the door 😭

DD2 struggled with this on and off for years yrR-y5.
Here are things that helped us over the years:

• explicit handover to another adult
• me leaving quickly no prolonged goodbye routines
• a transition toy to hold in her hand as she went in (which then went into her rucksack for the day)

For DD, it was the leaving that was hard, once I was gone she was apparently fine.

Whenever I do drop offs my DS will be full off ‘mummy! Don’t leave meeee!’ Crying, needing more kisses, cuddles. It’s horrible.

The best way for us is honestly just drop and run. We talk about it in the car, big up nursery ‘ooo what do you want to play with today? Wow that sounds so fun’, ‘who are you going to play with today? Sounds like a great day!’ On the walk up to the nursery, we talk about me leaving him ‘I’m going to give you a big cuddle and kiss and I will pick you up later! Mummy/Daddy always picks you up! You’re going to have a great day!’ Then I just follow through at the door. Big cuddle and kiss, an I love you and I’ll pick you up later. Hand over with the staff is usually quick because there’s never really anything to handover and just walk away.

I used to ring up to see if he was ok after about half an hour/an hour but after many ‘he’s absolutely fine, playing with XYZ’ I realised he was very happy where he was. Always has a huge smile and lots of stories to tell!

For context, he is 3 and we adopted him last year.

I would also say not to make it a big deal, make it sound more like you are popping to the shops/walking the dog rather than it being a big deal, say whatever works in your circumstances to make it seem small, eg 'ooo your going to stop at little school to play with your friends while i do the shopping and work then we will have chips for tea! chips are the best! or whatever, but do acknowledge that she will be nervous with her of course, but dont let her see our anxiety over it (which i know is really hard!). id say choose a toy to take with you, always make plenty of time for hanging up backpack etc, draw a heart on her hand and on yours and do kisses on it etc in the morning, do a careful handover with god adult who knows her, ideally that adult can give her a job to do at handover - at school they always get the worried child to help do the register/collect the' needed' items for the activity etc, give them a job to do. ive always given a delicious snack at pick up when emotions are high, biscuit/chocolate buttons whever works for you, ro refuel and settle them quick. id also prep them before hand with exciting watching of cebebbies time for school etc and topsy and tim books, that kind of thing so they are well aware of what to expect there, play schools before hand as much as possible.

We have struggled with transitions, morning routine is very slow, there is no waking up and walking out the door, they have at least a full hour focused on them preparing for the day ahead. Normally woken up with cuddles and kisses, a yoghurt in bed and a short dvd, lots of cuddles through out, hair/ teeth take at least 10 minutes each, then quick story or play, get dressed, trip to the loo before choosing transition toy /object then we calmly leave the house. When at nursery we purposely arrived late so there wasn't an audience, they were handed over directly in arms for a cuddle from carer almost until they left, they'd also be given a job like watering plants, fetching milk etc tasked as they arrived a kiss goodbye and I'd confirm what time I'd pick up whether after lunch, tea etc. At school we have a different entrance we can use and a room when needed. Generally the slow morning works but sometimes something can go wrong. It does mean I have to get up at a ridiculous time to get myself ready first but alternative is a 20 - 30 minute handover at school until ready. Handing over distressed doesn't work for us as stress revisits our home at night, which means neither of us would get a wink of sleep all night,

You'll find what works for you and your dd. Best of luck.

Something for them to keep in their bag and go to if they feel wobbly, tell the teacher about it too.

A little card in their bags.

Reading the Invisible strings book - my little girl found this book useful for a whole host of reasons.

Drawing invisible love hearts on their backs…that only we could see.

I used to tell the kids what I would be doing while they were at school and before I picked them up again.

Tried to keep it light and a quick handover, but sometimes the way she cried, I knew I couldn’t just walk away and she needed more reassurance. Sometimes she does try it on too, but I think I can tell the difference now.

Teachers started to tell her at the door snippets of exciting things she’d be doing during the day.

she likes to bring a drawing from home to show the teacher at the door, when she does this she goes straight in - seems to be a bit of a transition thing from home to school.

She is obsessed with knowing that adults care for her, so little gestures of nurturing go down really well with her, such as teachers giving her a plaster, being told an adult will check on her throughout the day, an adult asking her to help her with a task, small nods of approval, but she definitely needs to know what I will be doing when I leave and if the teachers leave she needs to know what they will be doing too and when they will be back.

Thanks for all your tips everyone - I really appreciate it!

She had to essentially be peeled off of me today - but she only cried for about a minute and then I could hear it had stopped! I had a little cry on the way to the car feeling guilty that she's too small to be in childcare... but children do it and they have to. Sure she would prefer to have food than to be hungry I guess!

I did use the tip of a transition toy which did help the workers they said as she played with her bag a lot. She is not yet talking fluently so it's harder to have those feelings conversations with her, but we have been talking positively about nursery and their rabbit (which I am praying never comes home with us...)

Our son had terrible separation anxiety at nursery and we tried absolutely everything. Honestly, we just resorted to drop and run, which was horrible, but we knew he always settled 5mins after we left and hanging around just seemed to prolong the agony! He did grow out of it eventually. Sometimes talking about what we were going to do after nursery helped.