Sleep problems

[BAdopter]

AD 2.5 came to us 18months ago sleeping well. He has always been an early riser but typically was having 12 hours sleep with a 2hr nap in the day.

For the 6months its been horrendous. We get a few nights a month where he might sleep through but always up at about 5.

Tried everything and now have an appt with a sleep consultant to get some further advice. I'm finding all my friends with birth children just don't understand, and just say that's what it's like when there children sleep 12 hrs a night.

I can't work out what's going on and we've even put his bed back to a cot today in desperation as it's seriously effecting his ability to control himself and were seeing it impacting his life now.

Any advice or things you have done with your adopted children that have helped? Groclocks, changing naps and the standard bedtime routine stuff already been looked at.

#knackered

I can sympathise 100 percent we had 2 little boys 15 months ago.. 1 sleeps all night 6 till 6 the other wakes 4/5 times a night for milk although he is down to an oz when he came he would have 6oz every time. The 4-5 wakes is on a good night a bad night is every hour… he still co sleeps as has panic attacks without mummy close. I am beyond tired and as you said it’s making life tough.

before court order we had a sleep therapist as soon as they were ours dropped like a hot potato. not a peep from any post adoption support!!

I would welcome any suggestions too.sorry to jump on your thread!

The 5 o clock wake ups are painful!

i have to say I’m not sure it’s an adopted thing, but obviously may have roots in that. I think our children may find it harder to take themselves back to sleep once they wake up as their rooms might just be that little bit scarier. I know our son who is older often complains of scary things!

light - no matter how little, seems to determine when our children wake up. If it’s light, they are up. Unfortunately this has occasionally meant sort of 4:30.

heat - if you’re in England its been quite unbearable and has had a massive impact on our childrens sleep. Our two children are used to having a duvet on top of them - so when they can’t do this they find it really difficult to sleep. There isn’t really an answer to this. going to bed slightly damp from a bath can help this if it’s really hot!

if he’s going down okay - I’d say the nap is still fine. Unfortunately I have to say - we try to put them back to bed until 5:30, and then get up with them at that time. Unfortunately I think that’s just when they wake up in the summer….!

with our oldest child, he would sleep in our beds so we let him do that at 5:30. Our youngest, unfortunately it seems when she’s up at 5:00 she’s up for good… she is 2.5 - and if she gets to 6:00 it’s a massive win.

if the lack of sleep is getting to you I would say go and see your GP to see if they can do anything to support.

i used to want to punch someone in the face when they said this to me, but it truly does come in phases for my children… hopefully it’s the same for yours.

sorry if this doesn’t help!

Make sure the room is dark use black out curtains. If he needs a light use a red light as this does interfer with sleep process. Darkness is when melatonin kicks in to help sleep. You can get melatonin prescribed it's not a sleeping tablet just aids getting to sleep .some people do just buy it on line. It worked for a while for my son
Maybe have a healthy snack to hand my son was hungry so used to leave something by his bed .
A good routine eg bath, story ,drink bed and try to stick to same time every night .I know not always easy.

No advice just solidarity as we are in the same boat.

AD3 came home at 20 months old and used to sleep 11-12 hours a night but for the last month she has been awake every night from midnight to 3am and we have no idea why. She goes to sleep absolutely fine and is still waking up at 6am as well so is shattered during the day which means she is very grumpy and emotional as are we!

We've tried pretty much everything that friends have recommended plus anything I can find on Google and nothing works.

Is it that he can’t fall asleep, or that he’s waking throughout the night? I’m wondering if anything else has changed - any new noises, changes to the household, new nursery or anything?

Mine found it extremely difficult to stay asleep (similar age). We honestly tried All The Things so I unfortunately can’t pinpoint which ones worked! But my suspicions are that a combination of these were what cracked it:

• theraplay activities and games together during the day, building trust and connection
• shortening the nap to an hour (so they were tired enough to fall asleep at bedtime initially at least). It was not fun, but it helped.
• Lots of chat about what (very very boring) things happened after they went to bed, so they knew what I was doing and knew that I would be checking on them while they slept
• co-sleeping did not work for us (DC didn’t like it) but I put a comfy armchair into their room for when they needed comfort or to not be alone, so it was less exhausting for me

When they were a bit older, an occupational therapist spotted some sensory issues, and a weighted blanket was helpful (but I think you can’t use them with very young children). A weighted toy like a cuddly wheat bag can give a similar feeling in a safer way for little ones.

Thanks for support, private messages and tips!

There is change going on for him with changing rooms at nursery but this has been going on for 6months+ now. I think we did the right thing changing him back to a cot as I think he feels safer in there and doesn't wake me as early as chills out for longer once awake.

Had our first appt with a sleep consultant last night, really helpful and we are looking forward to receiving their plan and giving it a go as I think it's time to try something new and consistent. One thing that stuck out to me in the appt was that he has learned to need me to watch him fall asleep, so logical but I just didn't realise this. Think working on teaching him he doesn't need me to fall to or back to sleep is going to be the key.

Just hope it improves soon 🤞

@BAdopter Did the sleep consultant give any tips on how to change the learned behaviour of little one needing you to watch them while they go to sleep? We have to stay with our LO every night until he goes to sleep (we didn't used to need to do this so it's definitely learnt behaviour for us) but I have no idea how to change it!

Those mentioning black out blinds above, I'd second these. We have total blackout, (which have a frame around to stop light getting in at the sides). They are particularly great in the summer when it gets light early and doesn't get dark until long after bedtime!

No she didn't, I haven't had the plan yet the assessment was to give her all the info she needed to create our new sleep schedule.
I will share once I know what it is and fingers crossed it works.
She alluded to withdrawing from the room and returning as required though so I'm guessing it's going to be a bit of that.

Just an update- things have definetely improved. With fewer wake up during the day and even some 6am get ups!

Sleep consultant may have been a big part of this but putting him back to a cot has helped too. Some sleep consultant tips that have definitely helped:

• start bed routine later and once upstairs for bath he doesn't come back down
• darkness- I pull the curtains in the lounge when he has dinner, shut blinds in bathroom at bath time and get him in to PJ's basically in the dark. This gets him much sleepier which has cut the amount of time it takes him to go off to sleep with me watching
• sit for few minutes then stand by the door (looking away from him) until he falls asleep. He wasnt happy first 2 days but is now used to me not sitting next to his cot so this is the process of him getting used to going off without me next to him.

It's early days but just getting an extra half hour or so sleep a night is heaven.

That's great you are seeing some improvements already! Thanks for sharing the tips.