Would someone be able to help me?

[Vickie1971]

Please can somebody help?

We are the proud parents of a 6 year old. For several reasons we are going down the route of surrogacy this time. My SIL has very kindly offered using her eggs and my husbands sperm and doing straight insemination at home.

Are we all right in thinking that as soon as baby is born it can be handed to my husband (birth father) to be brought home to us?

I then apply for a parental order and then onto an Adoption order?

With the adoption order do I have to go through an immense amount of testing and explaining of the reason why I want to adopt my husbands child?

I keep getting conflicting information depending what sites I use and this is just THE most important thing in my life right now.

Your SIL as in your DH's sister?

i think you need to get some expert advice before you embark on this. there are surogacy organisations who could help you and you also need to get legal advice & counselling. you cant just reply on the internet for something as important as this

i am sure you and your family will have alreday thought through and agreed what will happen if things dont go according to plan

eg you SIl dosnt conceive with Dh sperm

your SIl loses teh baby

how involved you will be in the pg and birth

what if the baby has a disability

your SIL wants to keep the baby

your SIl chnages her mind and wont let you adopt teh baby or wants him/her back

your SIl wants more involvement in yrou family life than you have agreed

how you will cope with a baby who is suddenly seperated from his mother at birth

what and how you will tell the baby and your and her other children

BTW i am assuming you mean your SIL as in your brother's wife??

Hello,

Yes, SIL is my brother's wife.

I know it's such a big thing for us all to go through and would like to make it as easy running as I can. I am so fortunate to have a brother and SIL that know exactly how we are feeling about the prospect of wanting another child.

We have already discussed and agreed on all the things that have been mentioned above. The issue is now what we do physically at the time of the birth.

Thank you so much for your help.

From what I believe, legally your brother and his wife will be the parents of the baby. Upon registration of the birth, you can then go to your local court and your SIL can give your husband joint parental responsibility. After 6 weeks but before 6 months you need to apply for a parental order. This is reasonably straight forward. You will then be issued with a new birth certificate for baby with yours and your husbands names as parents. There is no need to touch on adoption.
I'd recommend getting in touch with COTs and consider becoming members. It's a wonderful organisation and they all have a wealth of knowledge. www.surrogacy.org.uk. I am currently 21 weeks pregnant with twins for a childless couple and can honestly say it has been a really wonderful experience so far.

Sarah

Thank you so much and all my wishes go to you and your childless couple that everything works out well.

Just one question, how soon can we take baby home?

I am hoping to be a straight surrogate (ie using my eggs) for my close friends, we are members of the organisation Surrogacy UK, they are fantastic and i have made some fantistic friends through the organisation!!

From the time the baby is born it will 'legally' be your SIL and your brothers baby. i think at 6weeks the surrogate (in your case you SIL) signs over full responsibility to your husband as he will biologically be the babies father, then you can start proceedings for a parental order to say that you are the babies legal mother, and that the surrogacy was planned.

from the second the baby is born you can take it home!! i hope that once i am pregnant for my friends i can have a home birth, they plan to stay with us for a couple of hours, then travel home with their baby, if it was a hospital birth you'd be able to take the baby home from hospital while your SIL goes home with her family.

i do reccomend looking at the infromation pages for surrogacy UK- they are a fantastic place for info on the subject!!

good luck!!

sorry that should be your SIL and her husband!!

you can take the baby immediately as glaskham says. Some hospitals will allow you to stay in the hospital with your SIL and care for baby from birth onwards, others are fussier.

Thank you so much for your help, I know I shouldn't get excited but I can't help it. I am visiting my DB and SIL next month and we are going to sit down and discuss through a few additional things like my involvement through the pregnancy.

We have agreed a date that we will hopefully start the process so I'm counting down the months.

wow- good luck- i've just set a date with my IP's for a start on ttc for them!! so we're at a very exiting piont, we dont want to get too ahead of ourselves just in case it takes ages to get a BFP....but you just cant help but get exited at something like this!!!

good luck with your journey!!

btw- have you thought of joining a surrogacy organisation?....i have to say i doubt i'd be able to do this without the support i get from all the friends i've met on Surrogacy UK.....they are all fab, and any questions like you had here would be answered by lots more people and some are almost surrogacy guru's!! there are some very experienced surrogates, and some very wise experienced parents through surrogacy on these site that will welcome you with open arms, give you support and be somewhere you can offload any worrys!!

wow- good luck- i've just set a date with my IP's for a start on ttc for them!! so we're at a very exiting piont, we dont want to get too ahead of ourselves just in case it takes ages to get a BFP....but you just cant help but get exited at something like this!!!

good luck with your journey!!

btw- have you thought of joining a surrogacy organisation?....i have to say i doubt i'd be able to do this without the support i get from all the friends i've met on Surrogacy UK.....they are all fab, and any questions like you had here would be answered by lots more people and some are almost surrogacy guru's!! there are some very experienced surrogates, and some very wise experienced parents through surrogacy on these site that will welcome you with open arms, give you support and be somewhere you can offload any worrys!!

I suppose the thing i find most worrying is the most stupid! Like, will they think I'm a bit dim with all these stupid questions

vicky, is it in normal circumstances counted as insest? so close to siblings brings its own problems, can of worms.

sorry vicky , re read posts, would not be incest

@ hifi, this deffo isn't incest.

I spoke to my SIL last night and we went through a few things. Has anyone had to explain this situation to their children as there would be a 6 year old, a 9 year old and a 3 year old to explain the situation to.

sorry vikie, totally misread post, feel bad

LOL Don't feel bad. Foot in mouth is usually my specialty and to be honest this is such a big deal for me that a bit of a giggle at your mistake was what I needed.

thanks vickie thaught that was just my domain, massive foot in mouth always, unless sometimes intended which is not in your case.

Hi Vickie...sorry i haven't gotten back sooner, been away for the weekend, with no access to a pc!! [frustrated mummy emotion]

I wouldn't worry about silly questions, im your eyes they may be silly, but to experienced surrogates/IP's they will be everyday questions....we get newbies asking lots of questions, some i may not have thought of and they help me if i haven't thought about them. people within organisations would rather you joined and asked them questions etc, instead of going into this unsupported etc and the chance of something going wrong because you dont have the right support or help you need.

i asked a million questions when i first started looking inot becoming a surrogate just over a year ago....i swear i thought i'd asked silly questions, but now i know they weren't!!

The funny thing is you always think your the only ones going through this when there are thousands of people going through the same thing.

So, from what I understand we can do the following:

1. Advise all relevant interacting people (i.e. doctors, hospitals, midwifes etc)

1. Take baby home with us as soon as hospital releases baby from their care.

1. SIL & Brother register baby in their names but with our last name (due to archaic law)

1. DH & SIL go immediately to court for DH to sign a parental responsibility agreement

How quickly can we do this and do we have to make an appointment with the court to do this?

1. At 6 weeks we then apply for a parental order and a new certificate then comes to our house making baby ours legally.

My other question is at the time of getting our baby home can I register them with the family doctor and health clinic or does my DH have to do it?

i honestly dont know the answers to your questions there....registering with family GP, and when to go to court for the parental responsibility. have a look here and you should be able to find most of your answers....