Gift for adoptive parents and child(ren)?

[Squiff70]

Hello,

This is a question about etiquette really as I have no personal experience with adoption.

A close friend and her husband are in the very final stages of adopting a young child (a boy who will be three later this year). They already have a (biological) daughter who is nearly 7, but wished to adopt and are absolutely over the moon to have been approved about three months ago.

They've since been matched with a child and everything is being finalised with lots of low-key visits etc as well as more 'formal' meets with the foster parents. This little boy is expected to join his new family next month (September).

We are, of course, thrilled and delighted for them!

My question is, would it be appropriate to get a card or gift for the adoptive parents, to acknowledge they've brought another child into their loving home - just as you might if they birthed their own biological child? If so, what might that card say, or what sort of gift would be appropriate and possibly practical?

Would it be appropriate to get a very small gift for the child? What about his older sister (my friends' biological daughter)?

Please take this in the context it is intended. I really hope my wording and theories are appropriate and I'm sorry if I've blundered onto the adoption boards but as I say, I have no personal experience.

I think it sounds lovely! I got several cards and gifts when I adopted my first and have kept them as they are so special and important to me 😊 you can get cards specifically about welcoming new family members from places like Etsy. Very kind of you!

Thank you so much for your reply! I'm just looking at adoption cards on Etsy now. Many of them can be personalised to include the family names, including the name of the new child. They are not able to tell me their little boy's name (or any other details) at the moment as there are significant safeguarding concerns with the birth family, which of course I understand and fully respect.

May I ask which gifts you received that you have kept? What makes them so special to you specifically? Would you recommend we get a small gift for the two children?

Yes, definitely! Will be much appreciated, I'm sure. Our LO was 6 months old when he joined our family. We received new baby and adoption cards from so many people and it meant a lot. As previous poster, I've kept them all in a scrapbook so he can see that so many people were excited about his arrival. We were also given lots of presents - mainly clothes and cuddly toys as he was a baby. Cuddly toys have been kept but clothes are outgrown now! Also appreciated toys and baby items passed on from friends whose children had outgrown them! One friend got a picture frame with our child's name and date we 'became a family'. This is very special to us. We didn't announce our child's name until his arrival and she checked details with me beforehand. You may not meet your friends' little one immediately so will have time to arrange anything personalised after the event.

Pottery painting session where family could put their handprints onto an object might be nice as a keepsake and something the two children could do together. There are also lovely adoption books (like a new baby book but for any age child) available on the internet. The parents can add photos and write about getting ready, child's arrival, first year in the family etc.

@Squiff70

thats lovely of you, very often the arrival of a new adoptive child is overlooked or not seen as the same as a new birth baby.

Just be aware that coming home can be overwhelming for everyone and a three year old may bring a lot of stuff with him from foster care.

Like others I have kept all the cards in a scrapbook and 10 years on we still look at it. A photo frame is always useful. The things I have kept really are the books - special editions of the Complete works of Paddington or thomas the tank Engine, less likely to be broken and the start of a family heirloom.

And yes something for the daughter would be nice so she doesnt feel left out.

Depending on how close you are, leaving a home cooked meal ready to bung in the oven may be very much appreciated on coming home day

Yes, please do this! I felt really sad when some friends and family totally ignored our LO’s arrival (they were 2). We’ve kept all the lovely cards people sent. The best presents LO got were usually lovely pictures book that we could share together.

We treasure everything we were given to mark our new family but the most special thing was a personalised picture with 5 pairs of wellies on it with Daddy, Mummy and the kids names underneath and The CharlieSays Family at the top. We used a photo like this to announce that we had became a family of 5 so it was very meaningful.

@Ted27 advise is very good and I can't tell you how grateful I would have been if someone had dropped round a meal for us to be stuck in the oven on moving in day!

Yes please do! I was so hurt (on behalf of my adoptive son) when friends didn’t acknowledge his arrival and so touched when friends sent (welcome on the arrival of your son) cards and gifts to treasure for him.
the best ones were keepsakes.
Thank you for asking 😊

Definitely a card, either an 'Its a boy' or an adoption specific card.

Presents also, maybe not wrapped and not given to the child, but discretely to the new parents.
Craft stuff and books went down well with us. I'd suggest not kits but stickers, painting, colouring crayons etc. The child is more likely to be behind than ahead, so aim younger not older if in doubt.

We send an announcement card and got tons of presents from friends and family. My children got a big towel with their name embroidered, which my children loved. Maybe that would be a good present for the new child and the sibling to strengthen the bond?

We also got "My Family, my journey. A baby book for adoptive families" which was great, even though my children were not babies (easy to adjust).

We too sent out an announcement card 'delighted to announce the arrival to our family of X dob ... and Y dob'. Lots of cards for us and then for the DC on their birthdays.

Oh yes, please get them something. A card is so precious and you definitely get fewer than when a baby is born so every one is treasured!

@Squiff70 i mostly kept the cards, they are beautiful and say such lovely things! I also kept a watercolour of our wellies and names and the title of our surname family. When I adopted my second, a friend gave each child a paint your own money box. They’re hideous, but the kids painted them together 🥰

Thank you so much for all your advice and suggestions - there are so many beautiful card and gift ideas on this thread! I'll definitely look at all of them and make a shortlist.

Adding to your family is such an exciting time. I'm due to have a C-section this Thursday so we're adding to ours too, just in a different way. Our daughter is the same age as this little boy and when our little girl (and her twin brother) were born, we didn't receive a single card or gift. Not one, because they were extremely premature and I guess nobody knew a) if they would survive and b) what the 'right' thing to do was. Our son sadly passed away when he was four days old but our daughter survived. I am still very very sad and extremely bitter that nobody bothered to welcome either of our babies by even sending a card. I'm not even sure we'll receive any for our new baby either and I would never want to make ANY parents feel the way I felt/feel - like their child doesn't matter because circumstances are 'different'.

@Squiff70

I'm so sorry that you lost your precious little boy. His life, however short it should be celebrated.
I hope it all goes well for you on Thursday and that you have another beautiful baby to love and nurture alongside your daughter.

Thank you so much. I've made it to 39 weeks - all we want is for him to be healthy.