Support heartbroken

[Kw1311]

I’m struggling right now… I had been a buddy for the last 10 months to another adoptive family.. who were struggling. Last week their match fell apart and the children were removed back into care!

I am heartbroken truly.. I had put so much time and effort into the family and the children and now they are gone. I adore those little people and had seen them continuously over the 10 months at least twice a week. my own adoptive children are asking for them and I have no idea how to process all of this.

Hi Kw1311 I am sorry to hear this. Very sad for all of you.

I expect your adoption buddy will still need support from you. So, as much as you can, focus on them.

Yes, it is hard for your kids if they know the family. In my area adoption buddying is only for the adults usually, which is easier in some ways.

I am assuming you have someone who supports you, so lean on them so your buddy can lean on you.

Sorry this has happened so difficult for all concerned. Maybe see if you can write a letter to the children with some hi lights of your time with them and wishing them well. Who knows what will happen in the future but it might be important there is a memory of that time even though it broke down.
Take time for yourself it is not your fault .

I think a 'wish you well' letter for their file is a lovely idea.

It's normal to be upset, disruption is hard on everyone. Your buddy probably needs your support now more than ever.

It must be difficult with your own children, as you don't want them to think disruption is going to happen to them. I suppose it's a little like (but harder, due to the adoption element) when children have their best friend's parents divorce, and it makes them question the strength of their own family. I would cover it in a matter of fact way- "Sadly, x and y weren't the right parents for little A and B, so the kind social workers are going to find them the right family for them." While reassuring them that with your family, you are the right family, you belong together, and (if true) that the judge has signed sealed delivered it, and it can't be changed now.

I wonder if you feel a sense of failure yourself- that your support wasn't enough? I doubt that is true, disruption is so complex, I wouldn't beat yourself up.

Disruption is hugely stigmatised, my thoughts are with all involved that they find peace, and that the children find their right home.