@121Sarah121 , sorry you are going through this. Honestly, you are most definitely not alone. I think many (adoptive) parents don’t really talk about this problem as it is such a taboo subject. It’s actually more common than you would think.
My biggest piece of advice (14 years into my adoptive journey with two children, the elder of whom has multiple disabilities and complexities and is, sadly, aggressive and violent.) is to phone your local police force’s Domestic Abuse team for help. The police do not wish to criminalise children and young people if they can avoid it. They have funding for early intervention programmes, whereas, in my personal experience, children’s social care doesn’t.
I reported the domestic abuse in my home after a particularly violent attack one evening and the police phoned me at 7am the next morning. Two officers came to my home and they were the most understanding, empathetic and well-trained professionals on trauma and matters relating to previously looked after children I have ever experienced. They fast tracked my DD into an early intervention programme that is succeeding in changing her attitudes and behaviours (well, with regards to violence!)
Contrast this with an urgent referral into social services in March and we have only just managed to access Outreach support as of the last fortnight. Honestly, it is my belief that the police are propping up social services in my region currently.