Summer holiday support thread

[Rainallnight]

Anyone else in need of this? We’re on holidays abroad and DD6 is very dysregulated. I’m finding it really tough. Need to give myself a shake and get my head in the right place to support here.

will come back and post more and am here to listen to anyone else struggling!

*her!

When mine were younger I found having a strict ish routine helped, plus a visual plan of what was going on. So up and dressed everyday by X, some exercise every day, no TV until Y or whatever. Everyday they would know the plan for the day so no surprises. Plus star charts worked well for us, though I know that is often not the case for adoptees.

I'll join please! Not sure yet what the impact of no Preschool or usual weekly groups plus looooong visit from the in-laws is going to be!! Really liking the visual plan suggestion above as the first question I get every day is "What are we doing today?"!

Both my two are struggling with holiday clubs this year. They’ve been to the club for four years now and have always been fine - I can’t decide whether they’ve just reached an age where organised activities don’t appeal or if there’s adoption stuff going on but I’ve just read the riot act to my DD11 for repeatedly ignoring or refusing staff requests to stay with the group, not leave the venue etc. They found her talking to some random bloke in the centre they’re in.

Not necessarily my finest moment, and we’ll be fine but oh my goodness the stress.

My younger one is 17 now, so you'd think it wouldn't be an issue any more.

But we've had a very stressful time since the pandemic started. The last 2 summers she didn't have the energy to do anything. This year she mainly has more energy but it reluctant to go out of her comfort zone, however the inside comfort zone stuff has got boring. Add to that trying to reduce anti depressants plus doing some maths for GCSE resits, it is all a very fine balancing act!

Today she has stayed in pjs all day after a very stressful/tiring counselling session yesterday. Try again tomorrow.

I’m joining. Our eldest attends a specialist residential setting and will be home for the Summer soon. My youngest is really struggling at the moment too. Sending strength to you all.

I second the pp that suggested a visual timetable. We don't need it any more, but when they were younger I found it really helpful. Even if you just use it to field the inevitable "I'm bored" whining.

Visual timetable of some description definitely. Mine are nearly 13 and 15 and still need it. This summer I've made a large calendar with a square for each day. My kids are cognitively fine so don't need pictures on it but definitely need to see everything written down. They also really depend on the meal planner which I fill in every week. They go and look at both of these documents a lot!

When they were younger I did a more detailed one for each day. I still have to stick very much to what's planned - there's not much room for going off piste with adopted kids

How is everyone doing?? We are now on week 3 and I'm feeling it 😬😬😬

We are doing ok. DD is staying stable. It is hard finding activities as everything is either too boring or too scary (anxiety)!

We saw a behavioural optometrist yesterday (v tiring) which was interesting but I don't think found any life changing issues.

We go on holiday tomorrow and our 3YO is very excited. We’ve had a countdown on their whiteboard for about a week after the constant ‘when we go on holiday?’. They have started wanting to carry their teddy around with them all the time and we’ve had a few more tears the last day or so so I’m wondering if there’s some nerves too. They’re in nursery today (which they absolutely love) so hoping we can get everything packed and sorted (we are camping) so we can have a chilled evening with lots of reassurance before we head off tomorrow!

They’ve been home about 15 months now and this is our 4th holiday but our longest (a week, we’ve only ever done weekends or mon-Fri breaks before). They love it when they’re there but the leaving has always been a bit wobbly!

Hi all!

Good luck @Noimaginationforaun! let us know how it goes.

@UnderTheNameOfSanders Stable is good. Behavioural optometrist does sound interesting. What does that involve?

@mcdog Sympathies! Want to share more about what’s going on?

We found equilibrium on holiday after a rocky start. We found that DD LOVES the water park and actually we taught her to swim a little bit. Going there all day every day gives her the predictability she needs, plus probably some good sensory input. So that’s what we’re doing!

We’re going home on Saturday and both DC start a new holiday club on Monday. Absolutely dreading that.

Behavioural Optometrist - recommended by dyslexia assessment.

Looks at what your eyes are doing when doing tasks

• some times tasks like reading out columns or rows , including looking at what mistakes


• copying pictures


• finding shapes in pictures


• turning out lights on a large board


• reading text and checking tracking


• tracking eye movement on a computer when reading out text (identified she wasn't focusing on the screen but actually in front of it)


• tried coloured filters


• 3D perception using red and blue glasses

I'm not sure she will have found anything massive but we wanted to rule things out.

'Stable' is very good. DD has been off college for 5 weeks already and I was worried she would go backwards, but that hasn't happened (yet), so we are now just past halfway (goes back on 7th Sept).

We are sticking to routine, and recording what she does to keep motivation up.

@UnderTheNameOfSanders I guess with everything that you and your family have been through over the past few years dd being stable is ok. She has the support of a loving family and hoping as the holidays progress she becomes more able to engage in activities. If not, there is nothing wrong with trips to Costa or movies on the sofa?

@Noimaginationforaun that sounds really exciting. 4 holidays in just over a year! That sounds awesome. Enjoy your trip away.

@Rainallnight your holiday sounds so much fun. Lovely time to bond all together. Hope the holiday club goes ok.

we have found the first few weeks really difficult but last week has been great. Finally relaxing. Hoping this continues until school goes back

Maybe I was underselling with stable.

She is managing to stretch herself some days. She will go out for walks to quiet places regularly (though getting bored with them) but has recently expanded to some local shops, and even the cinema with DH, and the best thing is at the start of the holidays she expanded to eating in outdoor cafes (having only eaten at home or at college for the last 2 years) and even indoors a couple of times if not busy.

We are also reducing meds, and she is now on 2/3rds dose of anti-depressants, hoping to get to half by the end of the month.

@UnderTheNameOfSanders thats amazing news. Sometimes it’s hard to see the progress when you are in the middle of it but it sounds like she is doing so well. Her age group have been hugely affected by covid and lockdowns at a time when they should be developing independence and relationships they have been stuck at home and told not to be within 2m of anyone. No wonder she has found things so difficult the last few years. Lots of young people have really struggled. Adding in adoption and the trauma that that entails, it’s little wonder she has found things so difficult but with the support of her family, it sounds like she is getting her life back on track. You sound like you are all doing so well and you should be proud of yourself (just as much as you are undoubtedly proud of dd). That’s an excellent update

My 2 are 13&14, and are at a horrible teen stage. Not adoption related I don't think, just age/hormones/teen rebellion!!!

We're 4 days into the 14 day visit from the in-laws (live overseas and first visit since 2019). Think I'm struggling with the change in routine and extra people in the house more than LO at the moment 😂
OP, I'm glad the holiday you originally started this thread for is finding its groove!

@Misstabithabean omg, 14days of in-laws?!?! I take my hat off to you 😂

@mcdog thanks! Although I feel I get off relatively easy compared to my friend who's in-laws come for 6 weeks at a time! I'd be filing for divorce in that situation!!

Think my LO is starting to feel it. Quite dis-regulated the last few days.

How's everyone doing? I've just done 3 full on days out with my 2, and I'm knackered!

This heat is killing us!

trying to find air conditioned activities for us…. Looks like a walk round the shopping centre it is!!!!

Sending strength to all the hot kids and grown ups!

my two are in holiday club this week and for the next fortnight. It’s unavoidable because of work. They say they’re enjoying it but we’re seeing some real acting out in the evenings. Summer holidays have so much change ☹️.

If you’ve got to work you’ve got to work - can’t let yourself feel guilty. I think we place extra pressures on ourselves because our children have likely been through so much already - but we go to work for them, not to spite them!

The acting out is so hard though and hard especially after a long day of work!! Good luck!!!!

@Rainallnight I have been working this holiday too. My youngest has been an utter toad on my days off with him, which is the dreaded combo of being 13yrs old and punishing me for "abandoning" him when I'm at work 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️