What do you say when asked if your child has siblings?

[Solomamma]

What do you say when asked if your child has siblings?
My dc has several birth siblings but it's just the 2 of us in our unit. I don't want to deny dc their siblings so when asked, I say yes but have clumsily tried to explain it's just the 2 of us. Now I've been asked a couple of times, hopefully it will get smoother. Interested what others say really, particularly if your dc is the only child in your family unit.

That's an interesting question, I've not thought about properly.
We adopted a sibling pair, but since then a half sibling has been born.
However they have only seen photos as the sibling is staying with the birth family. For us I wouldn't include this child to any general questioner.

Can you do:
Them: does Fred have any siblings?
You: It's just me & Fred at home

Im interested to hear the answers as will inevitably be a question I get asked Im sure, and am slowly navigating different answers to the questions! Im thinking an answer could be 'Ones enough for me!' ??

I think it depends on several things
whether you are ‘out’ as adopters and if your child/children has a relationship with the siblings, your children’s age and if they want to ‘own’ the siblingd

I’m single with one child, but he was nearly 8 when he came home and had a positive relationship with his dad and full sibling, who at the time lived together.
I didnt want to put my son in a position of keeping them a secret, or if he talked about them, particularly his brother, other people thinking he was lying about having a brother.
So it was easier just to say he has a brother who didnt live with us.
It is one of those issues that goes away in time, particularly when they get to secondary school and there is a lot less casual contact with other parents.

In the last few years, both our birth parents have produced two more children each, so mine is now the eldest of 6. We have no connection or contact with these children so its more difficult, but as mine is now 18, its not something which crops up really.

I would just say "no."

Those details are part of your child's private history.

I'd also add it depends who is asking

Someone at the park swings that you fall into casual conversation with, I'd just say it's the two of us

Frankly it's no else's business.i see it as a learning experience to show your child it is ok to be careful about who you share information with.family and close friends know how many my siblings have but no else needs to know.

Thanks all. We're 'out' to people we know, but they obviously know it's only us and they don't outrightly ask about DC's history.

I think it's a normal question to ask people you don't know so well or those you are getting to know, it seems to be a common question at the moment, down to DC's age possibly and I'm conscious to get the answer right for my DC.

Despite not having met any of their siblings in person, they're a very important part of DC's life, she talks about one of them a lot even at school according to a friend. I think 'it's just the two us at home' or 'yes but they don't live with us' will work well for us, and hope that will be the end of it. Although I'm sure soon we'll be being asked where the father is next!

Thanks again all for your experience and insight. X

This is certainly a difficult question ! If it is random people we say "it's just us three at home" If it's family/friends who ask we just say something along the lines of "its not our place to say. If x wants to share things about birth family they will" or we might just cough or something and change the subject.

It's not a secret but our child decides who they want to tell things to and what. It is very complicated !

@Trainham thanks for reply, sorry I didn't articulate it the best, people aren't specifically asking in relation to dc knowing they're adopted. Thinking about it it's odd people ask about siblings rather than how many I have perhaps that's to do with how common blended/step families are now, I don't know. But I agree about a good learning experience about how we share information.

Thanks x

I didn't to start with as it's not my story to tell, but now there's an active relationship between them which my lo talks about regularly. It's easier as a single adopter - I usually say something about it just being us at home & refer to them as 'on the other side of the family'. People who know our history understand, and everyone else assumes I'm saying lo's father now has/already had another family.

I act dumb and say yes, her brother is AXXX (Our other child, also adopted)
If they press and ask about birth siblings, I'd say, We don't know, which isn't true but ...........