Hi,
We dealt with quite a few of the issues you spoke about within our adoption process. You have to consider that the approval process itself takes quite a long time, and the action of remedying some of the concerns, showing you can react to feedback, and determining how you react to potentially stressful social worker questioning is part of the process.
I'll use one example of the type of questions they may ask and the things we did to be considered. For context, I'm significantly overweight but my partner is not. We've just been approved, but it was a bit if a slog and this was something that was talked about quite a lot, so so know how hard it its! Ive written quite a long post, but hopefully some of these tips might be helpful or thought provoking. None of the questions are for you to actually answer now or in public, but just to think about!
So for instance with your weight, they might ask whether you know how overweight you are, what the consequences are of being overweight, what your triggers about food are etc and then (which I think is the important part) consider how you react. Are you defensive, reactive, passive? Were you completely clueless about it (not great) or did you have an understanding of your body and evidence that you are working on being as healthy as possible (you have an exercise programme and have, for example, joined some sort of slimming club, or gym etc). Do you model the behaviour you want your children to follow? When it is mentioned, do you get upset in the moment (like when a child is angry and says hurtful things when they are dysregulated)? Will you be devastated because a professional may say they don't think you can handle children with significant food issues? (would you recognise if they keep asking for more food when they aren't hungry do you recognise its possibly an emotional reaction and you know that because that's how you handle it yourself and you've done xyz to deal with this and so can help a child) etc. Do you have a coherent and consistent narrative about the factors surrounding your weight that fits with the rest of your own life story work? Have you done reading about children/food/trauma, and what were your thoughts on it? How does your partner feel about your weight, and do they support you with being healthy or do they suggest another takeaway and chocolate? (Not that I'm saying that's always bad, but it's about reflecting on how you work through these things as a couple)
There are ways that even with a high BMI you can turn it into if not a positive, the less of a negative that could be viewed positively. None of them are compulsory, but are ideas about ways you could demonstrate awareness.
Joining a weight loss organisation that issues weight loss certificates, speaking about these in a positive way. Also a good way to build local support networks and talk about specific issues with likeminded people. Plus there were lots of mums from local schools there who were willing to talk to me abouts schools in the area, so it whittled a few from my list.
Showing that you have resolved any body confidence issues- for example would it affect you going to the gym because you are nervous about being "the fat one" or do you do it anyway? Talk about how you resolved whatever that may be.
Showing you have spoken to your GP about weight management.
Developing a sustained exercise plan that is tracked- for example couch to 5k, a gym programme, sponsored walks etc
Including reading about trauma and food issues
Genuinely reflecting on your weight and the reasons- is it medical, boredom, emotional, a combination, and then exploring how you have considered that throwing a child into the mix might exacerbate any of these. What meals would you plan for a child and why?
Doing exercise things with your partner- running (or walking!) registered races like the race for life as a couple shows you are supportive of one another, maybe you got a joint gym membership. If you get sponsored by your network it can show you have their buy in and support
If you are observed with children, make sure there are opportunities to show you are physically active- run around a few times after the children (sounds daft, definitely was mentioned in our reports). Going to a park and playing racing games worked
Exploring holiday options, do you go to the beach and lounge about or do you go on plenty or bracing hikes with lots of fresh air?
What do you imagine your life with children be like? Will exercise and healthy eating be part of it? How?
Looking into body positivity vs body neutrality movements and whether either of those chime with you and why
Have you considered therapy/surgery and why or why not? Whatever response you give needs to be thoughtful, and is OK but you need to show you have a rationale for engaging with the services you do or don't.
These are all things that we considered and reflected on, and then became practical ways of actually showing we were living the values we said we had. It's interesting because my weight didn't change much (a couple of lbs, which isn't much in the grand scheme of things) but you need to focus on the emotions around it. I felt really defensive- I had been working a lot on self esteem about how I looked, but then realised I felt quite defensive about how much emphasis was put on exercise until I did reading about trauma and how movement is fundamental to supporting lots of work with traumatised children.
Its the same with mental health- are you a competent agent and advocate within your own life, with a clear, proactive understanding of what options you have and the outcomes etc. It can be helpful to write it down or work out which bits are emotional.
Basically, what I'm saying is that the process itself is significant and insightful, and you can definitely start the ball rolling with any weight loss if that's a barrier you can see, but doing it with a clear intention as to why and what you are going to get out of it may help with any reflections later on so that if they move from being barriers to being positives. I hope this is helpful!
Tl;dr: don't let weight be an issues, just have a plan as to what you are doing about it and the reasons behind it!