Putting 4 month old up for adoption advice

[Leah143]

hi,
I'm in need of some advice please, im currently a single lone mum with two boys. A 2 years old and a 4 months old.
my 2 year old has never had his father in his life thats another story, he has autism and i find it extremely difficult to deal with him alone as it is, i have no family support no friends as ive been isolated and now i have a 4 month old who’s father i was with until i found him doing drugs(cocaine) in my home around the kids, he has also left the physical and financial burden of my son as he never see’s him and does not provide for him. I feel like im in prison in my own home as to take both kids out its near to impossible. My 2 year old is non verbal and does not understand instructions and is too tall to fit it a stroller now. Everything is getting on top of me and i am really struggling to cope, i have had the thought of adoption for a while, i just need a bit of advice please.
Thank you for reading x

@Leah143

How difficult this all must be. Leah, this all sounds very hard for you. Please speak to your health visitor and see what help may be available in your area for you.

Adoption is a very serious decision and you need a lot of help and support even to discuss this.

I cannot tell you what would be best for you or your son but generally, if at all possible, it is best for your children to stay with you.

I have two kids, one is autistic and one not, the non-autistic one is adopted. There have been some tough times but I would not be without either of them. I know I am very lucky to have a very supportive husband.

Please see what help and support is available in your area.

The lovely people on the SEN board will be able to point you towards more help for your 2 year old. There are, for example, particular buggies that suit children who are physically bigger but have other needs (possibly Maclaren Major, but I could have that wrong). Organisations like Family Fund can help with the costs.

I agree that talking to your GP or HV is a good idea - they might be able to help your two year old get a suitable nursery placement, so you have a bit of breathing space. They should also be able to direct you to other support, including parents in similar situations.

If your 2 year old has an autism diagnosis, I would also ask the team overseeing him (paediatrician, possibly? Or whoever assessed him) to help you with an application for DLA. The form is a bit of a monster, but the benefit could help you access speech and language therapy for example, and then possibly apply for Carer’s allowance.

I realise none of this has actually answered your question about adoption. If this is something you genuinely feel is right for you, then you need to contact children’s social services and a social worker will talk to you.

@Leah143

Im sorry you are feeling so low, I’m a single mum so I know how tough it can be.

You obviously want the best for your children and love them very much. You have done do well to get them away from a damaging environment - don’t underestimate that achievement. So many women don’t do that and end up with their children being removed from them.

Deep down I don’t think that’s what you really want either and any adoptive parent will tell you that the best place for any child is with a parent who loves and cares for them.
Adoption is an irreversible decision which would have long lasting implications for you and both of your children. Social services will work to keep children with their birth families.

On one very practical note you can get strollers designed for bigger children, please talk to your health visitor ask about what support is available in your area, there may be support groups for parents of children with additional needs.
I hope things work out for you - remember you are doing much better than you think you

@Leah143 how are you feeling? It's a long weekend so hard to get support but on Monday you can start finding out what extra help you can get.