We just had the call about a sibling....totally mind blown!

[Ohdoleavemealone]

We adopted DD 5 years ago. Also have 9 year old birth son.
SS rang and told us BM is giving birth this summer and are we interested.
I have to be honest I wasn't ever expecting this call after so long and I am totally thrown.
We are very happy as a four. We face challenges but it all seems manageable. DH seems very up for it but to be honest most of the child related responsibility comes down to me and I am not as certain. I worry for the 2 we have, for the huge age gap between the eldest and youngest and whether we could cope if they have learning delays like DD.
How do you make a decision this big? The first time round was easy. We wanted another child and adoption was the way we chose to do that. This time I just don't know what to do!

[UnderTheNameOfSanders]

I think it will come down to gut, but for me the logic issues are:

• your birth son will be 'outnumbered' by adopted siblings
• as you said large age gaps
• as you said, possibility of learning delays
• more expense generally
• harder to do activities that all children appreciate
• bigger car
• WHAT IF BM HAS YET ANOTHER BABY
• did you ever think about a third
• your ages, how old will you be when new one hits troublesome teens
• splitting 3 ways
• you know the baby will find a good home somewhere, babies are easy to place

But

• half/full sibling for your AC who otherwise knows no one with a genetic link, and same for baby

[OrangeStrawberryPlum]

Oh that is a tough decision. Take your time, don't feel pressured to make a quick decision. Would you be taking the baby as EPP/Foster to Adopt?

[Simonjt]

We had this dilemma in september (i think) last year, we did want another child, but we weren’t planning on it happening that soon as we’d only married in the April so I wanted my son to have more time to adjust before he became a sibling. But I also considered that it could be his only chance to have a biological sibling. Due to a complicated situation I am also biologically related to my son, so I did worry how an adopted child who wasn’t biologically related at all may feel growing up.

We found it very hard to make a decision and it caused quite a few arguments, I was very very unsure, my husband 100% wanted to say yes, but wouldn’t as he knew I was unsure.

Then she was born, she went from not really existing to being a lovely real life baby. Social services called my husband to say she had been born, I was at rugby so hadn’t been able to answer my phone. He turned up at the end of the match with a babygro and that was that. As soon as I knew she had been born I knew 100% it was the right thing for us.

Shes been home for five months now, my son has adjusted well to being a sibling, he did struggle sharing me at first, especially as the baby only really slept on us for the first few weeks.

[Ohdoleavemealone]

@UnderTheNameOfSanders All points I have raised myself. Not worried about our ages as we were very young when we had our first and then adopted. Same with Car. DS rarely uses a car seat and DD in a high back so would likely be okay in current car. Biggest concern is splitting our time and that DH could cope with 3 kids when I go away to see friends every now and then as I have none locally.
This baby is actually BM 3rd. We think the second went to family on dads side.

@OrangeStrawberryPlum We would not do foster to adopt. I know 3 people who have had to return babies to family members and wouldn't risk it with my 2.

@Simonjt Thank you for the insight. It helps to acknowledge the baby as more than a concept which right now is what it is. For us I think it is hard because we have 2 children. One birth child one not. Siblings in every way as far as they are concerned. We didn't ever consider a 3rd.