Ugh I did not handle this well

[Rainallnight]

I was at a birthday party with DD today at a loud busy venue. DD - almost 6 - was being very clingy and emotional, and we had a difficult exchange where she wouldn’t move, shouted at me, and was generally pretty dysregulated.

I was pretty upset after it. I’m not sure why, more than any other day. I’m not feeling well and just not at my most resilient.

After it had all been resolved, I mentioned it to another mum, and said something like ‘god, she was being a nightmare’ and basically this other mum clearly thought I was being horrible. She looked a bit shocked and said ‘but look at her, she’s absolutely fine’.

I felt in the moment that I needed to get it off my chest to someone but broke my new rule of not talking about this kind of thing with people who don’t ‘get it’.

And I feel like I was disloyal to DD.

It’s just I try and try and try and sometimes it’s hard and I wish it were easier. Much as I love the very bones of her.

ugh. I don’t know why I’m posting. I feel kind of awful about it. It was a hard day and I thought someone who gets it might see this.

thank you for letting me ramble.

Hugs. Sometimes every child can be a nightmare and we’re allowed to find it hard (doesn’t make you a terrible person, or a bad parent).

I was absolutely rubbish today and it was unfair on DD - I’ve been unwell so she’s super-clingy, and I got over-tired and fed up. Unfortunately this was in a supermarket, so my snappy tone and hanging onto my sanity by a thread were witnessed by others I presume. Agh.

All we can do is try again tomorrow. I’m going to go and beat myself up some more about the day, but I hope you do the opposite and look after yourself!

Bad day here too, MiniFool has taken to waking early again and I'm a night owl, not functioning well on very limited sleep. It's been a short-tempered day 🙃

We all make mistakes. We all get stressed. Try not to worry.

Maybe I’m reading this wrong but it sounds like the other Mum’s response was more like; ‘It happens - don’t worry, she’s fine now’ rather than anything negative towards you?
I don’t think what you said was disloyal to your DD in anyway and whilst you know that there are additional factors to whilst your DD might be having a meltdown you weren’t sharing the reasons just the behaviour. Most other parents sympathise as we’ve all being there (all bit it to different degrees perhaps) so they probably thought it was just a regular child strop.
Be gentle on yourself, you are only human after all!

Oh and my non- adopted child cried at every birthday party (his and others) until he was 9! Found it all too much.
My adopted child very much takes birthday parties in their stride with no strops.

I think it's easy to feel judged by parents doing 'normal' parenting, who don't understand. It's not just the party, it's the relentlessness of dysregulation occurring frequently, and the tiniest thing needing support. It's the weight of carrying your child's trauma, and the ache of loving them so desperately, but seeing how it holds them back. You sound tired.

The last thing you needed was a 'but she looks so normal!' response from the other parent, which is what 'but look at her, she’s absolutely fine’ feels like.

Don't worry, we're all imperfect. It gives you chance to repair with your daughter. And, yeah, never talk to people who don't 'get it'. Have some tea, and go again tomorrow.