Mocing abroad

[DodoBaggins]

Honest opinions please. No need to sugar coat.

We've been offerred an opportunity to move to Californa as a family for 3-5 years. This would be for my husbands job.

We have a little one who is adopted and also has SEN. I've posted on the SEN board to get views from there but also would value an adopters lense. Lo is 3. We have AO in place and are settled as a family. LO has been with us 2 years.

Adoption works so differently in the US that any research I've tried to do through google is practically worthless. I know I need to really understand post-adoption support and where the "system" is on understanding trauma.

Financially, it is a significant increase which is why it's being entertained as an idea.

Would you do it?
What would be your main considerations?
Anyone have any experience of post adoption support in California?

A big thing for me would be the support network. it will be ok for your husband, he will be at work, making contacts and new friends. What about you?

In addition to the availabilty of post adoption support, what about the cost, What would be your entitlements to get assessments. What is the education provision like for children with your child’s needs. It doesnt sound like you see this as a permanent move - if you come back in 3-5 years you may have difficulty in getting an appropriate school place.
The other thing of course is how would your child react to such a big move. What about family relationships which would be disrupted, with grandparents etc.

I know two families who have moved abroad, both to countries where there were strong family ties, one to Australia, its worked out fine, one to Europe - they came back because of the post adoption support issue

There is a lot of adoption knowledge and support in California related to adoption. The numbers who adopt are far greater and they have many excellent trauma informed classes, support groups and programming. There may be some costs but my understanding from friends who lived there who were adoptive families, is they were minimal.

As for therapies and supports, your husband's job should come with private insurance. Check what the company is offering. Friends' had a super experience as things like speech & language, OT, PT, Play Therapy were all covered for one family, and the other was 90% covered and they had a 10% co-pay. So if an appointment was $100, they paid $10. The only thing was both found it hard to leave because what is offered under other health care systems was far less (for example friends receive a monthly NHS appt for PT vs 2x weekly in California).

I'd look deeply into the medical insurance he's being offered and google adoption support in whatever area you plan to move to.

Good Luck!

A couple of things to think about. As you’ve discovered adoption is a different thing in the US with a much higher level of relinquished babies, and older children adoptions so their understanding of post adoption support will be different. Good insurance can mean easier access to health care and therapies but from discussion with US friends their SEN education provision isn’t always great - friends were amazed at the accommodations made for my DD in mainstream here when I consider she gets the minimum of support. I’d check the school system and, if you know where you’ll be living try to check specific schools before you make a decision.

In saying that there’s some fantastic research around trauma in the States with some of the foremost experts looking at trauma informed practice so if you get the right school and supports it could be a great opportunity for you all.

I’d echo looking at your own support needs, my sister moved to the States with her US husband many years ago and just couldn’t get a decent support network, despite being active in a number of different communities. She found established friendship groups difficult to break into and friendships never really developed past superficial relationships. Of course that’s an issue whenever you make a significant move but the culture barrier made things all the more difficult and she didn’t have the back up of family to help. She returned to the U.K. because she felt very isolated.

It’s a big decision, I wish you well whatever you decide to do.