Cancelled panel

[Nel81]

Hi, just wondering if anybody else has had matching panel cancelled a few days before it should have happened? Had a call with my social worker today to say they've cancelled panel due to new information with regards to the child's behaviour and outbursts in the last few weeks. I've got to consider whether I want to continue with the match as well now. Disappointed is an understatement

[Ted27]

That must be so very hard for you but to be honest its much better that you are fully informed before committing yourself than finding out something significant when they are home.
It does sound though that the SW does think it can go ahead if you wish - it could turn out better for you in the long run if it ensures you get a support package agreed before.
You sound like a single adopter ? Do you have any one you can talk it through with?
Hope it works out for you

[ifchocolatewerrcelery]

So, so hard. We had a matching panel delayed because of potential medical issues, at the time we said we would have the child regardless. Both our and the child's SW said no panel would agree to the match if it wasn't thoroughly investigated and we had all the information we needed to make an informed decision. Fortunately it turned out to be a non-issue and our child was given a clean bill of health in this area. I think at the time we were incredibly naive and focused on meeting our own needs when we said we'd carry on regardless. I think it would have been incredibly hard to support this particular medical issue on top of all the other things my child has going on.

[Nel81]

Thanks for your replies. I am a single adopter, although my mother lives with me (but physically wouldn't be able to help with any outbursts) and I do have close family living nearby. The child had a very bad day last week and ended up hurting the Foster carers and their child, it seems he becomes dysregulated more regularly recently. I've just received an email arranging a teams meeting with the child's social worker tomorrow so hopefully I can get some more answers.

[Jellycatspyjamas]

Is it possible the child has a sense that change is in the air, if there’s been a deterioration recently? Even if they’ve not been directly told traumatised children can be very sensitive to subtle changes in dynamics that precede significant change. I’d want to try and separate out what’s happening eg is there something to suggest there’s a deeper shift in their self regulation or capacity, or are they reacting to change and uncertainty, which would lead to dysregulated behaviours.

Hopefully you’ll have a better idea once you’ve met with social workers but delaying panel is a good idea to give time for assessment. It would be useful for them to have a good chronology which can show cause and effect, which sometimes gets lost in the day to day case management.

[Nel81]

Hi, I spoke to the child's social worker yesterday and feel a bit better about things now. I knew he had behavioural issues every now and then but seeing the significant event form filled out with all of the details of what happened that day was a bit of a shock. The social worker seems to think that there will be incidents when he comes but the fact that I will be able to give him 100% attention as opposed to the sharing of attention he has to do atm will help. I've got a bump in with him and the Foster carer next week as well. Thanks

[Jellycatspyjamas]

I’m glad you feel reassured. While he probably will do better with 1:1 attention, I’d expect his behaviour to worsen before it gets better given everything that goes with early placement, so don’t be surprised if he regresses a bit - it’ll take time for him to trust you and he’ll also be going through a huge change, with losses to grieve and that may come through in his behaviour.

Start thinking now about support for yourself, including time for you to have some space away from him at times. Early placement can be very intense and if he has some behavioural issues it’s important you are able to meet his needs, and your own. Speak to the social worker about the support you can expect from them - my sw and the kids sw both visited weekly for a good 4 weeks and then alternated weekly visits for 4 weeks after that. In all honesty it helped to know that at some point I’d have the opportunity to speak about how we were all doing without having to make the first move. A good support plan for you will make all the difference in the early days.

Also think about introductions and be prepared to flex the plans if need be - either to give him more transition time or to move him more quickly if need be.

Congratulations, it’s an exciting time - challenging too but it sounds like you’ve got a good handle on what to expect. How old is he?

[Nel81]

Thank you @Jellycatspyjamas, he's 3, will be closer to 4 when he comes home though. He's been with these Foster carers since last summer but has been moved several times before this so I am expecting a regression of behaviour. He'll be (hopefully) coming home during the summer holidays, he's used to almost a full day in school atm, so that'll be different for him as well x

[Nel81]

So I've spoken to the social workers and had a bump in with the child and his Foster carer and I've decided to proceed with the match. The Foster carer wanted therapy to start before he moved in so that there are strategies in place, rather than having to wait for assessments and things afterwards. Panel is now happening next week. Any ideas on what kind of questions they're likely going to ask me? Thanks

[claireb7rg]

About your support network, who you will go to for back up, for shopping etc

Have you had all the information you need about the child

What things you will put in place to support the child going forwards (they will also ask the placing agency sw this)

Are you happy with birth family contact in whatever format it will be

Trying to think what else we were asked....

Oh yes - why this child?

[ifchoclatewerecelery]

I'd also expect questions specifically related to everything that's happened when it comes to discussing why this child.

[Nel81]

Just had panel and it was a unanimous yes!!! Just got to wait for the ADM's decision next week. So happy right now 😁

[Jellycatspyjamas]

That’s lovely news, many congratulations 🎉

[claireb7rg]

Congratulations!!!

[DisforDarkChocolate]

That's lovely news, congratulations.

[jingscrivenshelpmaboab]

Congrats! Such lovely news😊

[Ted27]

Fantastic

Hope you have a celebration lined up

[Nel81]

Thank you. Have a big family meal planned for tomorrow evening.

[rosiethefemaleone]

Congratulations!