Feeling so hopeless and alone

[ragdollmum]

Very long story but in short, the judge has refused to grant our adoption order because our son made an allegation against us. He is 4 and said we had hit him in response to being questioned about bruises at school. He has global developmental delay including speech delay and we don't know why he said what he did but he struggles to answer questions and quite often will just say what he thinks you want to hear. There was an investigation at the time, including a full hospital medical and we were cleared of any wrongdoing. We've had several social worker visits since then and no one has any concerns, including school. Our son is thriving. He has lived with us for over 2 years. I don't know where to go from here and I'm not expecting any advice but I just feel so alone and scared.

I’m so sorry to hear that. You must be in pieces. I wonder whether it’s worth giving adoptionuk a call? I’ve heard they are pretty good. Surely there must be a plan of some sort. They can’t just leave you (& your son) in limbo. Sending hugs and positive vibes x

What a nightmare for you. Has anyone told you what they expect to happen from here - I assume the intention is that your son continues to live with you? Is there an appeals process to follow? If so can social work support your application by explaining the enquiries that we’re carried out and their findings - if they thought there was a risk they’d have ended the placement.

My DD has global developmental delay, and processing disorder which means she doesn’t have a sense of timeline. She talks about things that have happened in the past as if they were current and once she starts telling something she just keeps talking which can make the “hole” even bigger. It’s meant some very difficult situations where she’s spoken about past abuse in the present. I’ve had some very frank conversations with social work and her clinical psychologist because each time it triggers an investigation (rightly so) which is stressful all round. Luckily her difficulties are well documented now and she’s getting help with life story work to try and put things in context. I share that because it’s not uncommon for care experienced children and your social worker should be able to put the allegation made in the wider context of your sons developmental difficulties.

So sorry, no advice, but I hope you get through this tough time. You 're a great mum.

I'm mum to an adopted 11 year old and autistic birth child of 17. My birth child said I bullied them, and said it at hospital so had to be investigated. I just wanted to say I know it is awful to hear that and know it is untrue.

If your child still has a social worker can throw any light on the situation.