Help please..

[Kw1311]

I’m in real need of some advice support please.. A friend who has recently adopted 2 children has come up against a pretty nerve racking situation.

Birth parents have been sent a document with adoptive mothers full name on. This breach has been reported however LA have semi brushed it under the carpet saying it’s a non issues as birth family have low IQ!!! All adoptive mums social media foot print has been removed but this was about 10 days after said document reached birth family!

The further issue arisen from this is both children have fairly identifiable names and now birth family have surname they would be fairly easy to find.

LA had agreed to change spelling of names originally in the order but not the actual names. Adoptive parents have now made a case to request a change of name the children are young enough to not be hugely impacted and names chosen are the same rhyming syllables and the children have been called the new names for the last 3/4 weeks and havnt really noticed the change.

SW visited this week and has now said that they need a separate meeting as they don’t think a name change is required??

What a mess for the children now if they had to revert back?! How does that even happen?!

Any support or advice would be welcomed.

Does she have the Adoption Order through for both children?

Hi @EightWellies

The application for the adoption order is with the courts this was completed and sent with new names 2 weeks ago just awaiting a hearing date which is the frustrating part too as if SW
Now says names cannot be changed court application will have to be altered too.

One department isn’t talking to the other and differing advice is being given all over the place between authority’s and SWs

Check out the adoption uk website. Randomly today they had this talk today -
'Data breaches during adoption; what is the impact and what can I do'. They may have the talk again or I think they put the recordings of the talks up for people to view again.

@Worcs04 thank you I have requested a copy of the recording.

Once the adoption order is through, names can be changed by deed poll without SS knowledge I think

Yes once legally adopted she can change their names without problem. In all honesty while it’s not great for the adoptive family, the reality is most birth families don’t pose a threat - they’re often just trying to get through the process and have their hands full just managing that.

Is there a particular risk your friend is worried about? Have the birth family been resistant, tried to trace the kids etc, how far away is your friend from the birth family? In terms of tracing, as they get older the children may try to find their birth family on social media, it’s not that unusual and they have the legal right to do that once they are 16. Your friend can help by not having the kids on social media, not posting or allowing photographs online etc, but unless there’s already a risk that the birth parents will try to disrupt the placement, I’d take all the usual precautions and not worry too much.

Adoptive parents have now made a case to request a change of name the children are young enough to not be hugely impacted and names chosen are the same rhyming syllables and the children have been called the new names for the last 3/4 weeks and havnt really noticed the change.

Unless the kids are very young (ie pre-verbal) they’ll have noticed the change. I’m not saying don’t change their names but someone needs to talk to them about why they were called Debbie one week and Dottie the next.

we had the same issue when the birth family were given our address not once but twice when they were in foster care with us. It was supposed to be a secure placement due to domestic violence! And the plan was always adoption If a placement order was given Tell your friends to do nothing at this stage. Press on with the court process and i would stick to your guns re the name changes whether soc services like it or not. They are legally unable to even try to remove the children anyway once the adoption paperwork is lodged and only the judge can decide. l would hold my nerve . Soc services wont tell you that but that is the legal position and they cannot force your friends to alter court paperwork.

Also lots of birth families are v disorganised and may well not act on any info so hopefully all will be well. we have not had any issues ourselves thankfully and it has been 7 yrs now.

ps But if they are forced to back down then just get the adop order asap then change the names afterwards as they have all legal rights then .

i agree with jellycatspyjamas and NB flapjackfairy is talking about a DV situation which is very different. In this situation the parents were found to be not capable of parenting because of learning disabilities. Although some birth families are a risk, the majority are not. The SW here has confirmed this. There are plenty (and a growing number) of families where birth parents have direct contact with children who were adopted.

There are therefore two distinct issues here, distinct from eachother:

• One is that there has been a data breach which is unacceptable

• Second is whether or not there is a risk, which is a completely different issue.

Unless the children are very, very young - not just preverbal as comprehension comes well before talking - they will notice the change of name, and there may be negative consequences of changing names, and in relation to risk or fear of risk, there will be other far more effective ways to make sure the children are kept safe.
If the family want pointers with that they could post here themselves?

Definitely change by deed poll once order is through!

Thank you all so much really insightful and helpful information very much appreciated.

Tricky situation, unfortunately I think these kind of breaches are very common and we don't even know it's happened most of the time. It's also very easy to find people these days even with just first names and rough idea of location, occupations etc.
Unless there is a serious risk to the children if names are known, I think changing names is an overreaction and I would think carefully about the long term impacts of name changes- SWs don't react so strongly to this for no reason.
Parents have to do what they think is best though!

@interviewwithmedia
I included the D V only to make the point that even a data breach with a high risk placement has not caused any issues in the hope that it would be reassuring to the op. I wasnt comparing the two situations. But nyway where does it say that the kids were removed simply because of low IQ parents ? It is possible to be low IQ and a violent thug you know ! We dont know anything about the real risk they pose .
But my main point was that once the adoption order paperwork is lodged the judge gets to decide whether to grant it or not and the soc workers cant make the adoptive parents withdraw it and change it so I would see what happens next.

flapjack I thought you were saying that risk such as DV would justify a name change. Yes a violent thug could have learning disabilities too, but there shouldn't be an assumption either way, obviously, and my reading was that the SW has said that they do not consider there to be a risk.

Incidentally, I don't think hiding things from SWs and just keep quiet and changing names without discussion is acceptable, but then again, I think the current legal process is partly to blame here.

@interviewwithmedia
I agree the sensible thing to do would have been to discuss a name change with the sw before implementing it but that ship has sailed.
I guess it is hard to trust they have your interests at heart when they cannot even keep your details safe and I agree that it happens a lot more than we know sadly .

the frustrating part too as if SW Now says names cannot be changed court application will have to be altered too.

As flapjack says, there is not really anything a SW can do to stop your friend from changing their names. The application is not theirs to make and they have no legal say in what the new adopted name is. I think it's important for them to speak to the SW and explain the rationale to make sure all communications with the court are consistent.

On whether they should be changed:

1. Only changing one name will probably be equally effective because it stops that specific combination from being searchable. Even if a kid has an uncommon name there will be thousands with the same one.

1. I would personally be very reluctant to change a name after 6 months-ish (though similar sound helps) but ultimately it's the parent's decision. It's not as big a deal as some SW make it.

1. Any name change can cause issues of identity later in life and it might be useful for them to get some thoughts on that here, once the immediate issues are resolved. They might consider making the old names into middle names (that's what we did).