Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Flip

Original poster

Birth mum contesting Adoption Order

14 replies

user1462894350 · 13/03/2022 23:09

Hi
We found out a few days ago that BM will be contesting the Adoption Order and the Court has allowed her to do this. She has 2 weeks to file a statement then back to Court in a months time. She is to say/show that she has had a significant change in circumstances. LO is 3 and hasn’t been in her care for nearly 18 months (6 of those months with us). How likely is it that Court will order LO will go back to BM? We are obviously very worried about this.

OP posts:

Sabz36 · 14/03/2022 11:03

Very rare, unless she can evident significant changes or alternate family members. Despite this we are human and it must be causing insurmountable anxiety for you and your family.

donquixotedelamancha · 14/03/2022 11:21

How likely is it that Court will order LO will go back to BM?

Vanishingly unlikely, it literally never happens after a placement order, even when SW screw up. If there is any reasonable prospect then FC or concurrent planning would be used instead.

Has she actually been granted leave to appeal (that's fairly rare) or she's just putting in a request to appeal?

It's really hard to do if you've never been through the process before but try to put it from your mind. The brocracy grinds slowly on but it does get there.

Noimaginationforaun · 14/03/2022 21:30

This happened with us a few months ago. We were nervous wrecks! I asked every forum and every person I knew about what would happen and they all said the same - it just won’t happen. The placement order has been granted. To get to this point, BM has had many, many chances to prove significant, sustained change

It will be ok. LO is home to stay, there’s just a few extra steps to go through first. You’ll get letters through the post from court that will give you heart attacks (well, they did me) but, in the end, it will all be signed and done in a couple of months.

It is going to be ok!

GoodTennis · 14/03/2022 21:33

That must be so hard for you.
All I can go on is what SW said on training, its very very unlikely. But if that is the case I cant help but feel how unfair it is to all parties that they can contest. I understand its their legal right etc but they must go through such a rollercoaster thinking they have a chance. Then on the other side you're worrying what's going to happen and probably wishing the days away.
I just cannot see how it is beneficial to anyone!

I hope it all goes ok for you. I'm sure it will be fine, even if it isn't a very nice time worrying about it

donquixotedelamancha · 14/03/2022 22:01

But if that is the case I cant help but feel how unfair it is to all parties that they can contest. I understand its their legal right etc but they must go through such a rollercoaster thinking they have a chance.

There has to be a possibility of review if it's not in the child's interest for adoption to occur. BPs don't usually get leave to appeal and where they do they will get legal advice so they understand the unlikelyhood of success.

Mama1980 · 15/03/2022 09:34

Has she actually been given leave by the court to appeal or is she just appealing for leave? There's quite a big difference, it's very rare that actual leave to appeal is given, in my experience.

KewMummy87 · 18/04/2022 09:31

But imagine the birth mother has actually changed her circumstances significantly? What if she is now safely housed/clean and sober/well supported by family/working/stable? From your op her child was with her for 18 months. And is her biological child.

I understand how hard it must be for you. I have worked with several people who have had children removed and adopted and a few, just a few, really have turned things round so they were not only able to keep subsequent children but we’re also able to have an older child back (from long term foster care).

Sorry if this sounds harsh or minimises you’re concerns. But it’s always about the child first and foremost.

KewMummy87 · 18/04/2022 09:32

Gah. Typos. Sorry.

Ted27 · 18/04/2022 10:56

@KewMummy87

Long term foster care is a very different thing though. A child in foster care will more than likely still have contact with the birth family, they are not told this is your new mummy/daddy and you are going go live with forever.

KewMummy87 · 18/04/2022 12:02

@Ted27 true

In a situation where a birth parent really was able to offer their child a secure and loving home when the child was only just 3, surely that would be an extra transition worth making for the child?

I appreciate it almost never happens.

I have been really impacted recently by a mother who had two children removed because she was in a vulnerable situation herself and had no support at all. Now housed and with support she is an amazing mother to her most recent child (who has always been in her care).

I just feel that it’s possible for birth parents to change things around sometimes.

Ted27 · 18/04/2022 12:20

And she may well be able to cope with one child, but having the other two may tip the balance again.
This happened with my son. Dad was just about managing after my son was returned to him age 4, the second child moved back 6 months later. My son ended up in FC for three years while dad was trying to sort himself out and then to me. Younger child has been bounced around dad, FC and residential care

KewMummy87 · 18/04/2022 13:40

@ted yes, good point!

Noimaginationforaun · 18/04/2022 22:02

@KewMummy87

I think it’s important as well to think that change for a few months is not sustained changed. Also, the child has to be remain the absolute focus and - although it is possible for a birth parent to turn their life around - how would you possibly explain this to a 3 year old? A 3 year old who has been building attachments with adoptive parents, who is probably (subconsciously or consciously) dealing with trauma from birth family. Imagine trying to explain to a toddler that they are being sent from a safe place with their adoptive parents back to birth parents where they experienced the original trauma.

In my own personal situation, my LO’s birth mum has given birth only 3 months post adoption order of LO. As much as I really hope she has managed to turn her life around and can raise her baby, it would absolutely not be right for LO to be returned to her care because of the initial trauma they experienced.

Adoption is so complex and difficult with so many emotions!

donquixotedelamancha · 24/04/2022 16:13

In a situation where a birth parent really was able to offer their child a secure and loving home when the child was only just 3, surely that would be an extra transition worth making for the child?

Honestly no. Of course it depends on circumstances but the whole point of adoption is that every possible avenue has been explored beforehand. That's part of why some kids remain in FC for a long time.

A birth parent getting their act together some time after adoption placement isn't enough reason to rip a child from their parents. The child's rights come first. Usually slowly building up contact and trying for a relationship in later life would be the outcome.

A situation where it was the right thing for the child to go back to BPs would mean something had gone very, very wrong with the adoption process. While mistakes do happen there has been nothing of that magnitude in decades.

Flip