Letterbox - setting it up

[Chocapple]

Hi,

I am after some knowledge/advice regarding Letterbox please.

My son's AO has now been granted - yay

His SW says that Letterbox has all been set up, but I haven't (yet) agreed to who to write to/frequency.

There was Letterbox proposals in the Matching Panel report... so would Letterbox have been set up as per that ?

Also should I be sent a letter by Letterbox setting out the proposed Letterbox and sign it ? It's not Court Ordered btw. Letterbox is supposed to happen in June...

Finally... my son's SW had said about my doing Letterbox with a grandfather as well as birth parents. The SW said he 'formed a significant part of my son's life...' from all of the information received he only drove the birth parents to the Contact Centre and whilst there he only interacted with my son's siblings. Their adoptive parents haven't been asked to do Letterbox with him. So I have no idea why he has been put down for Letterbox. My son has mentioned him about once.

What is your advice about Letterbox with the grandad. I am inclined to not do it...

Thanks,

I think if you haven't had a written agreement sent to you for you to sign that sets out frequency and who you're writing to, then it hasn't been 'set up'. The same thing happened to me. I was led to believe it had been set up and it was only when I made contact with the coorddinator that she confirmed nothing had been set up, and it was at that point that the forms and information went out to all parties. So I'd ignore whatever the sw is saying and contact the lb coordinator with your questions. I do a generic and increasingly brief letterbox for grandparents. They've never engaged though.

First of all, massive congratulations on having the adoption order granted! I can still remember the feeling. Such an exciting time! Lap it all up!

The Letterbox team got in contact with us, asked us when we wanted to write then sent the agreement for us to sign. It was very straight forward and we're finding the process relatively easy. I'm sure your team will be in touch soon.

In terms of the grandfather would it be so difficult to write to him? It would be a kind thing to do. Our LO never lived with birth mum or siblings but we write to all three and are happy to do so. The letters are broadly the same but tweaked to their age so don't require loads of extra time. It could be that the grandfather could be a valuable source of information if you ever need it as well?

Good luck with it all!

Thanks both.

I have emailed the Letterbox Team to find out what's happening. I did think hmmm when his SW said it was all set up and I didn't need to do anything...

I haven't had anything from Letterbox let alone a document setting out who I'll write to, the frequency etc !

I have met the grandfather as well as the birth parents. They gave me loads of information and seemed keen to Exchange Letters. But they've never engaged with any of my sons siblings Adopters letters...

I don't understand why my son has been chosen to have letters sent to his grandfather when none of his siblings were.

I expect I will write so my son can't turn round and say why didnt you...

Thanks again...

I expanded letterbox to include additional family members last year to include everyone member of the birth family we have photos of our child with. It suddenly struck me during the pandemic that there was a possibility that some of the people in the photos might die before our LO is ready to meet them as an adult and literally all they'd have left is a photo of a stranger and questions about what they were like.

Sibling contact can be difficult depending on how many there are and whether they are full/half siblings. Research shows that adult adoptees often grieve the loss of that contact more than any other members of their birth family.

Both your letter box coordinator and adoption uk should be able to provide you with lots of advice and guidance on where to go from here.

We started with writing to GPs but they never replied and DD1 was upset about it and requested that we stop.
So we wrote one further letter stating this and saying if they didn't confirm to SS they wanted to receive then we would stop. No reply so stopped.
It's not much harder to write 2 letter than 1.