Is this post adoption depression?

[Piratemam]

I'm literally constantly consumed by guilt and feeling like I'm not good enough for my son and he needs his birth family, or his amazing foster family.

We've had a tough few weeks and I have shouted at him and cried in front of him more than once. I repair afterwards though.

Constantly wondering if I'm doing it right, do I play with him enough, am I being therapeutic enough (probably not).

I got a visual schedule to help with morning routine, between us we have already lost most of the cards and mornings are tough.

He seems to hate the nursery he's at, not my first choice but the only one with space at the time because I didn't plan far enough ahead.

I just feel like a shit parent and that he'd have been better off with someone else :(

I made an appointment with my GP to discuss this but I forgot to attend!! Now I'm a bit ashamed to make another one.

Well, it could be a few things but it sounds like exhaustion is a part of it. Do you have any support? Is there anyone you could ask for help, or any time while he's at nursery that you can claim for looking after yourself? The cliche is true - you can't pour from an empty cup, so you need to look after yourself even if it's in squeezed five minute bursts.

I am sure if you asked people on this board if we all felt we'd been therapeutic enough today, there would not be many hands up! Of course it doesn't mean we're not trying. But there are days when we get it wrong. You're absolutely not alone in feeling that.

If he's little enough for nursery, then I'd guess it's not about needing to play with him for hours and hours - you can be together, alongside each other, in a way that is less draining for you. I spent a LOT of time when mine was tiny and newly placed, laying on the floor letting DC build towers of blocks on my belly

Make another GP appointment and set a phone reminder And contact your social worker to see what support there is (locally we have a peer buddy scheme which is really good, for example).

Could be, but it could also be that your having a tough few weeks.
I'm over a year in to adoption and have weeks where I feel like we're really getting in to our stride to then hit another illness for everything to feel like it's broken.
Some days you just have to do what you can to get through the day and you will build more ways to do this as time goes by. Easy cook meals, TV, driving to a park an hour away etc. Do what you need to avoid negative days and don't worry about every day having to be positive and therapeutic. That will come when you're feeling better.
All the best!

How old is your little one and how long have they been with you? Have you been able to talk to the nursery about how he is and see what’s happening at nursery, do they understand he will need different care from many of their kids?

It’s very hard in the early days and more exhausting than anyone can imagine if you’ve not been there. Try to find space for rest for yourself where you can.

Could be. Could be 'normal' stress, but speaking with your GP sounds a really good idea. They won't mind you forgot to go, they were probably glad they could have a toilet or tea break in your ten minutes, or catch up. Give them another call.

I think it's the No Matter What author who talks about taking a home holiday as detailed up thread, easy food, easy activities, just give yourself a break.

Things will get better, we've all been there.