Adoption cold feet

[thegreatthrowdown]

I am in stage 2 with my LA.
There's so much negativity and emphasis that me and my husband are feeling like we are basically being used as potential unpaid carers.
I'm a member of Adoption Uk and I am reeling from the shock of reading that AIBU thread from the other day where everyone was saying adopted children (these days) have to go through so much abuse before they are available for adoption (I understand the reasons why) + the trauma of being removed for their BP & or Fosters that adopters are basically going to have such a dreadful time trying to parents these extremely damaged children.
All my training so far has obviously concentrated about all the negatives of parenting.
I am a primary school teacher (newly qualified) and my training for that was hard work - but all very positive about what a positive impact you can have as a teacher.
My adoption training makes it feel that whatever we do we are doomed.
Makes me feel the LA only adopt out children to save money - not because it can be a success for the average family or the child.

And as @ScottishBeth mentioned, the strategies can work. So things come up- potentially violence or anger or sadness or struggles but they don't last forever and when you have kids thats you love, there are loads of good, fun times too

ALL parents are unpaid carers.

Think about it.

@2bazookas

no we aren't. We are mums and dads

Mums and dads aren't paid for being parents.

But adoptive parents aren’t paid either.

Well, quite, nobody is paid for being a parent whether you give birth or adopt. If you want to have children, surely you work out beforehand if you will be able to manage financially.

@blyn72

I don't think that was the point of @2bazookas post

I think they were trying to imply that adopters are not really parents, just carers

Oh right, I doubt adopters would like to hear that. For all our ups and downs, I am sure my parents believed they were more than carers. Never mind though.

@blyn72 obviously I don't know you, your parents or anything about your relationship, but whatever it was or is, that is your experience.

I am far more than a carer to my son, I am his mother. Its not what I think, its what I know

I don't doubt it, Ted. As well as my parents I have friends who adopted and they are certainly parents.

[quote Ted27]@blyn72

I don't think that was the point of @2bazookas post

I think they were trying to imply that adopters are not really parents, just carers[/quote]
You got it wrong Ted. Of course adopters are parents.

It was a response to the OP's statement

"my husband are feeling like we are basically being used as potential unpaid carers."

She also said "Makes me feel the LA only adopt out children to save money"

another seriously warped mindset.

Sorry @2bazookas

I miss read your comment