Would we be considered for adoption?

[Jujuwho]

Myself and my partner (been together for 8 years and living together for the last 5) would like to be considered as Adopters. We would ideally like to adopt 2 siblings of school or nursery age.

My main questions, are would any of the following be an automatic no?

Both of us are diagnosed as being on the Autistic Spectrum. My partner more severely than me.

I've had mental health issues in the past. I spent some time (9 years ago) in a psychiatric hospital after suffering a breakdown. I went through counselling after that and I am now stable on regular medication

I grew up in Foster Care from the age of 9. I still (even as an adult) struggle with attachments because of this. My own experience in foster care is part of the motivation for us wanting to Adopt

We rent our home (Landlord is a family friend and has no plans to sell up) but have two spare bedrooms and both work (my partner part time and I'm full time). I'd take 6 months off for Adoption leave if we were lucky enough to be accepted. We're not intending to apply until next year but looking to get everything in order beforehand

Any advice would be appreciated

I would have a look at the adoption uk website where you can join webinars for prospective adopters. They'll talk you through the process and give you contact details for someone to discuss any concerns with in more detail. I've personally found the webinars really useful. At the end there's always people asking questions. Often questions I hadn't even thought of which has helped provoke conversations between me and my partner.

DH and I were essentially rejected at stage 2 because I was too neat at home, and liked to be organised (so clearly couldn't cope with a child )

So quite honestly I don't think based on what you said it would be a good idea for you to adopt, nor would I think the agencies would want to take you forwards

It will be hard enough for a child to build an attachment to you, if you struggle on the reverse then it's very very unlikely.

It really depends on how autism manifests itself for you and your partner, how you cope with stress and uncertainty particularly. In terms of your mental health, again it depends on the nature of the issue, what “stability” means for you and the supports you have around you.

The attachment issue is a bit more complex, so you have stable, enduring relationships with others? What’s your social circle like, how does your attachment style impact you and your relationships?

Children coming to adoption really need very stable, calm, resilient parents and certainly the early months can be very, very challenging because the children have already experienced disruption in their attachments and don’t have a relationship with you, so you need to be very intentional in your interactions with them and actively seek to build attachment for them, which honestly can take years.

Have you had therapy to look at your attachment style and to work on this? Your background will give you so many qualities valuable in adoption, but it also creates significant vulnerabilities, which you’ll need to really think about and try to address. I don’t think it’s a definite “no”, depending on you thinking through the issues I’ve identified and working on areas where there are gaps.

None would automatically rule you out. All would need exploring and analysing to understand how it would impact you as parents.

I have reported @Christine2020's post