8 year old in group therapy in school without parents knowledge

[Muminabun]

Our adopted dd is 8. She is currently being assessed by asf for quite complex needs like depression, anxiety, hyperactivity, stealing, fabrication of illnesses, hyper vigilance, dysregulation, huge tantrums, lack of awareness of stranger danger, possibly ambivalent attachment disorder. She is back a year at school and still struggling but manages to attend full time most of the time.

For a while she has been coming home from school saying she is attending a group that talks about their feelings like adoption and foster care. I asked her about it yesterday and have spoken to my husband and it sounds like weekly group therapy. She seems to enjoy it and I am not against it but I feel like we really do need to be told about this and know who the therapist is what her qualifications are. The school Ed psych would not see her for the reason that she was not trauma trained yet she is now having this group therapy where it sounds like the children are talking about really private things.

My daughter is 8 so doesn’t get the confidentiality but. Should we as parents not be giving consent for this or at least know about it. I have a pep next week and I don’t want to fall out with the school I want to have a measured response but this doesn’t sit right for me. These children have some seriously traumatic issues.

Parents should be aware and involved ideally but there may be reasons why the school have decided to do it like this and so I wouldn't go in all guns blazing, and you are right to not want to fall out with school, but before giving a measured response or any response at all I would find out what is going on and why they didn't check with you first.

Thanks poppy. The other girls in her group are 8 and 9 years old and I am concerned about the content they are discussing and the training and approach of the therapist. I have no idea how long this has been going on either so because she enjoys it I feel like the school have put us in a tight spot. I have no idea why they would not have told parents. It seems so u ethical given the complex needs and ages of the children.

I think you're best approach is to send an email saying something along the lines of 'DD has mentioned a group that talked about feelings that she enjoys. I wonder if you can tell me more about it as it wasn't mentioned in the info the teacher sent out telling us what would be going on this term/year.'

A neutral request asking for more information is is I think the best way to find out exactly what's been going on as your description of your daughter means that what she's telling you might not actually fit the reality of what school are doing.

I think you need to ask to find out why. It could be anything, I have heard of it happening before, there may be specific reasons for it. I wouldn't like it but the school knows exactly what is what with us, there is an ongoing dialogue. Are they aware she is being assessed via asf? When you have found out their thinking and the qualifications and experience of the counsellor it will be easier to decide what to do.

It’s probably something like a nurture group (different schools have different names for this). If it is, it will just be run by a teacher, not a therapist. It’s normally targeted towards kids who need a s’more ‘nurturing’ e.g. very child, very emotional, experiencing a hard time for one reason or another. They normally do some mindfulness activities, might read books which have an underlying theme related to kindness etc, talk about strategies for managing feelings etc. if it is what I’m describing, it can be great for some kids, but it isn’t therapy and school do need to consider carefully the kind of information that is shared in these contexts.

Both our kids have been in similar groups at their respective schools. We were told about our daughters one and asked if we minded her attending. Our son who has an EHCP attends lots of extra sessions for various things and we were told after he'd had a couple and it came up as part of his SEN review.

With both schools, we have been very interactive with their teachers/Sendco and we have always been clear that we welcome any support so I guess they know our views already.

We are just glad they are looking out for them

Thankyou so much for your replies. It is definitely group therapy for children that have been adopted as the three girls were all adopted. The school know she is being assessed by the asf to receive an assessment from a specialist provider and one which we have researched and requested.

My issue is that we did not know about this therapy and if we had been asked I would have a lot of questions. My dd has said that the lady who runs it praised them all for being able to talk about their time in foster care without getting upset. I realise this is from an 8 year old but it does concern me. I would have expected to have met the therapist, known what her background was and known what the duration of the group and therapeutic outcomes. I would also have questions about how confidentiality is maintained with such young children. I now know about the other girls background because my dd has told me. That doesn’t sit that well with me.

If the school have said nothing to me about this then another question I have for them is what else don’t I know. What if my dd gets upset or something really difficult and traumatic is being discussed by the girls. I need to know if she then gets upset at home.

I think she is too young for her parents to be cut out of the loop as it were.

In our case, our kids are the only ones that are adopted. Their groups are more about social interactions, worries and such issues .

I would certainly be in discussion with the school over it. I am one one of "those" parents who keep a very open dialogue with the school. We have the added complication of our AD having FASD and our son who is dyspraxic and waiting for an ADHD assessment. In their case the classes are because of the additional needs

They really should speak to you before including your child in group therapy. Some schools have school counsellors who do 1:1 sessions that children can ask to access but group therapy is a different thing for all the reasons you state.

In saying that, some children are very disinhibited and will talk about their experiences without prompting in all kinds of settings. I remember a child coming to my child’s birthday outing and being very chatty about foster care and contact with her birth mum - I ended up knowing much more than I needed to despite being good at setting boundaries, moving conversation on etc. If that child was in a nurture group, I know she’s disclose lots of stuff just because she had the opportunity to talk and once it’s out there really all the facilitator can do is respond with something about being brave to talk about it etc. I say that because it may be an innocuous group where someone has over shared.

I’d ask the school what the group is and it’s purpose, and how my child came to be included - it’s not unusual for adopted and care experienced children to be grouped together for additional support, that doesn’t mean it’s a formal group therapy for adopted children.

I too keep a very open dialogue with the school, the HT and I talk regularly and I speak to class teachers weekly so if there’s anything involving my child there a natural point for the school to let me know. There may not be anything inappropriate going on but I’d ask the school rather than relying on what my 8 year old has said about something quite complex.

My son attended a weekly nurture group for students with autism, I was asked in advance, that's fine, no problem with that at all.

Personally though I think a school has no business talking about adoption to children either alone and particularly not in a group situation, without the parents permission, knowledge of the qualifications of the person involved, and the parameters of the group.

I was always very open about my son's adoption with his schools, in terms of how it impacted his behaviour and development, but they had very little information about his history. Like others have said, at that age my son would blab anywhere, usually in cafes or the swimming pool changing rooms about really personal stuff. I'd be really unhappy about my child potentially disclosing things in school and to be honest, the potential for children to be traumatising each other by disclosing information.
As jellycats says though, I wouldnt realy on an 8 year old for accurate information, find out exactly what it is and take it from there.

I would definitely find out the details of these sessions. If it turns out to be therapy or something like it by another name, I would make complaints to various bodies. That would be highly unethical.

You have parental responsiblity and neither the school nor the therapist know details of your child, so how can they provide therapy, never mind doing so safely? How do they guarantee confidentiality? How do they know about the impact these sessions might have, if they do not get in touch with you? This rings so many alarm bells for me.

Personally, I would not send my children to group therapy. Nobody needs to know details of my children's background (apart from their fully qualified therapist), certainly not a bunch of 8 year olds! How will your child make sense of you telling them their story is private, but in group therapy it is suddenly okay to share with other kids? Whatever information any of those children have told the others is out for good and might follow them into secondary. This sounds (potentially) wrong on so many different levels.

I’d be really surprised if it’s group therapy, with a qualified therapist, for 8 year olds at school. I work with children who have experienced trauma, many in foster care, from age 5 upwards. Consent has to be gained from parents for all under 13s at a minimum, as well as from the child obviously.

Lots of schools offer emotional support groups, run by teachers, pastoral support, or external providers - might it be that? I have to say I like the idea of adopted young people being given the opportunity to talk openly to others in the same situation - I’d have appreciated it as an adopted child.

Reading back through your posts, you just know it’s a group and the children involved are all adopted. You don’t know that it’s group therapy run by a therapist - you just know it’s a group and that the children have talked about foster care and their feelings. Many children would talk openly about their experiences - my DS is 8 and would talk openly because he sees his adoption as a positive thing, and is quite emotionally intelligent, he would see no reason not to talk about it because he’s not embarrassed, ashamed or upset by it. My DD is 10 and wouldn’t speak about it at all.

Schools don’t tend to have funding for therapists, it’s much more likely to be a nurture group, art group or something to support emotional development and self regulation. You’ve been given good advice about asking the school about the group without prejudgment that they’re doing something wrong. I would speak to them about your concerns about what the children might disclose and explore how the school will deal with issues that may arise as a result. It may be a wholly suitable group for your child but you won’t know if you don’t ask.

May thanks for your feedback and for sharing. My main issue is that we didn’t even know to ask and that is not ok. I will make a list and ask the school.