Children's ages

[Nel81]

Hi, I was wondering if anybody had changed the age range of children they'd been approved for? I've been approved for children aged 0-3 but have been drawn to a 5 year old on LinkMaker. Just wondering really what would happen if I expressed an interest in them?
Thanks

I think you'd have the go back to panel as you're not approved for them? We were asked about an older child and I must admit I really liked the idea but we also had caution from our SW for all the things we'd miss out on, and that 5 year olds have very developed feelings and thoughts on many things. Complications of schools etc. hence why the panel would want to approve you for an older child... worth asking your SW what would be involved.

If it feels right to you I would just go ahead and do it. The age range is not a hard and fast rule. A long time ago you'd have to go back to panel to get reapproved to change or extend your age range. That doesn't happen now. In fact 'approved for' is not quite the right terminology anymore. It's just a guide.

I stated 3-5 year-olds initially and that's what went through approval panel. I brought home a 12 month old. I did have to defend the change in age to the family finder, child's SW and at matching panel, but at the same time SWs do want to make matches so they are not trying to catch you out. In defending my decision I focussed on the needs of the child and the fact that I felt able to meet them, and of course they wanted to explore that as the needs of a baby are very different to those of a 3+ year old. I also talked about the matching process being a journey and that I wasn't in the same position as when I first started out. My 12-month old is now a big 6-year old so I did get my age range in the end. If you are looking to go upwards you would be ruling out parenting a baby/much smaller child, which was your first preference, so your social worker will most likely want to explore with you how you feel about that. Will you spend the rest of your life feeling like you have missed out? And since the age range is in your PAR it is likely to come up through matching and all the way to panel, if you get that far.

I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of people extend their age criteria upwards. Prospective adopters are often being told not to focus on babies and consider older children so the news you are considering an older child may prove to be a very welcome one.

I wanted to adopt a baby but was happy with an older (young child age range) too. I was matched with child of three and a half plus. I worried that I would miss out on the baby years and I do get that. I have a birth child so had had that experience. I also felt that if I didn't adopt this little boy, then I would miss out on parenting him altogether.

So, I would say go with your heart. Enquire and see where it leads.

We were approved for 0-3 and approached about a 4 year old. We didn’t have to go back to panel to adopt her. A couple of years later we adopted a one year old so the big gap is really good for us. Older children can ask questions and tell you how they are feeling which was positive for us.

We were approved for 0-7 so it didn't really apply. Ours were 2.5 and nearly 8 when placed together.

One thing I think you need to think very hard about though: why did you say 0-3 originally - why aren't those 'reasons' still valid with this child.

Best wishes

@Nel81 go for it, follow your gut instinct.

Thanks for all the messages. I've expressed an interest in the child but not expecting to hear anything until the new year. It was my social worker who first suggested an older child and put it in my mind so hopefully wouldn't have any objections to this.

I’d have a think about why this 5 year old - what is it about them you’re drawn to. It’s very easy to let your heart rule your head which doesn’t mean it’s the wrong thing for you with the 5 year old but do explore why that’s changed - I adopted a 4 and 6 year old, so know that older children can be absolutely joyous and I don’t feel I missed anything not having the younger years but the challenges are very different with older kids.

Best of luck with whatever you decide.