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Adoption

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Original poster

Any advice re: surviving matching?

9 replies

MillyHall · 14/12/2021 21:02

Hello All,

We've had a potential match on the go since June and are really keen on the kids. The kids social worker seems keen on us too (we're the only prospective adopters being considered) but there has been delay after delay due to absence so things are happening but it's REALLY slow...

I'm at a point now where I think my frustration is getting the better of me and I certainly feel my emotions and mental health taking a bit of a hit.

Was anyone else's matching process painfully slow? If so, how did you manage the ups and downs of it all? Any top tips would be greatly appreciated (flowers)

OP posts:

Original poster

MillyHall · 14/12/2021 21:08

Ha! , not (flowers)... I'm still new to this!!

OP posts:

Notmenotme · 15/12/2021 07:57

Recently adopted DD who is biologically related to DS. There were sooooo many delays. We were consistently told she’d be with us in 3 months. Essentially she had several social workers and nobody took an interest and it took well over a year. I’m sure my story is not unusual. It was so hard being told it will be in 2 months, then 3, then 4.

Eventually I just stopped thinking about it totally… we continued with any and all plans and didn’t say well we might need to save that money for the baby or we might not make that holiday because of the baby. I know you end up in limbo because it all and it’s very hard to take you out of it. Personally I would make as many plans to see all my friends as possible and see loads of family and do all the things I want to do, without thinking oh I need to make sure we are free for x y or a linked with the baby.

Whilst ot does mean financially we are not well off at the moment and we will start to struggle soon… it did make it much easier.

Hang in there!!

Also I think beware of post adoption depression. The longer you wait the more it is built up to be amazing but parenting is bloody difficult and can be mind destroying at times. I have currently had 3 hours sleep and I know I’m about half an hour away from a tiredness meltdown…..,…!!!!!!

Good luck!!!

UnderTheNameOfSanders · 15/12/2021 08:51

How far along is the process now?
Are you being considered for other children still?

If they don't yet have a placement order I'd definitely say ask to still be considered for others.
If it is general slowness I'd be talking to our own social worker on best way to proceed. The child should really have been with you for a couple of months by now.

ifchocolatewerrcelery · 15/12/2021 09:36

Our first adoption was slowed by system delays. Panels were already full, there is a shortage of paediatricians in our area, social workers involved had sickness and holidays and the foster carers refused to alter a holiday they'd precooked as they'd given up working out when transitions would start. Our second adoption was put under a lot of pressure to be quick by our LO's IRO (independent reviewing officer).

Honeybee45 · 15/12/2021 09:57

Hi we were approved Nov 20 and were the only family being considered for our AS by then but because he needed several assessments as he’d been in foster care a very long time we didn’t get to matching panel until early June. He finally moved in with us mid July so it took 8/9 months in total which at the time seemed like forever. We focused on getting any jobs in the house done even just small things to keep us busy but it was a difficult time, hope it doesn’t take much longer for you good luck!!

Noimaginationforaun · 15/12/2021 14:01

Matching process was so slow for us too. I kept getting irrationally annoyed when people would tell me how they were matched before they’d even been approved.

We had a few matches fall through for various reason. Our LO who we did adopt had a lot of delays too because they didn’t have a placement order and court kept getting delayed and delayed and delayed. I honestly just gave up and thought it would never happen. Then we got the placement order and we went from that to LO living with us in 5-6 weeks!

I would say there is nothing anyone can say to make this process easier. My only advice would be to keep emailing your social worker asking for updates and maybe even have a difficult conversation about if this is going to happen or if you need to be looking at other profiles.

So sorry it’s so shit and I hope you get good news soon

Original poster

MillyHall · 15/12/2021 17:18

Thanks so much to everyone who has commented - think I just needed to vent last night! We'll wait as long as it takes for these two... It is happening but, of course, it ain't happening fast enough!!

Thanks again and I hope everyone is safe and well x

OP posts:

Yolande7 · 18/12/2021 20:04

Hi, we were matched many moons ago. We first heard about the kids in February, brought them home in August. That was way before COVID. This is not unusual.

Do you have a date for matching panel? After that it will be only 2 weeks until introductions start and another 2 (roughly) until they will move in with you, so suddenly things might start moving very quickly. Don't loose heart, adoption is a waiting game. Wishing you luck.

DeerMyDear · 01/01/2022 21:55

I had to check the name of OP, thinking maybe I wrote this is exhaustion last year… your situation sounds exactly like ours was. A long 12 month wait after match made but now we have two little ones sleeping up stairs.

It was a brutal wait. But I’ll never have to do that wait again, and it was worth every second. Big love x

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