Can I do this?

[inthefrontroe]

I'm just about to start Stage 2.
Stage 1 went fine, nothing major to overcome/work on.

I'm starting to get a bit anxious about the prospect of parenting a child who has had a terrible start in life, and that maybe even if I try my best to give them a loving stable home (which I can as it stands) they will be incredibly hard to parent and I could get destroyed in the process and still they could have an unhappy and unsuccessful life.

All these stories in the news about children being tortured and murdered in their own families will the knowledge of SS makes me wonder how badly abused the children available for adoption have been and reading up about attachment and formative years makes me wonder how the fuck can I turn that around?

I have a lovely home, career and life - am I going to destroy that in pursuit of the dream of having a child?
I am single and in my late 40s - so doing this alone, which I've done my whole life as my parents died fairly young. I have siblings, but they don't live near me and to be honest if I adopt a 'difficult' child that is unpleasant to be around then I suspect I'll be not supported much as they would think I was stupid to embark upon adoption if it all goes tits up.

I am adopting through my local LA - there's a professional relationship between myself and the social worker, but no real connection. They talk the talk about post adoptive support, but I know is BS (I am a member of AdoptionUK and have a friend who has adopted).

Am I just having a reasonable wobble?
Or is it just hitting home how reckless I am being?

On a personal level, I know adoptees and other people who had very difficult experiences in childhood who went on to do really well and live happy lives. I also know adoptees and other adults who didn't thrive, who suffer crippling anxiety, or massively underachieved, or are addicted to drugs. I think the defining factors for those that thrived were that there was someone or more than one person in their childhood who knew them well, put their needs first enough of the time, loved them, taught them emotional intelligence, helped them put their past and the world in context and helped them process and tolerate difficult feelings, taught other life skills such as study skills, etc etc. I am posting as an adoptee not as adopter, I have only really given this thought since have dc, and I do believe that parenting is a huge factor and that knowing what research based parenting says makes a lot of difference.

thanks so much sassy gromit
that has given me much food for thought and hope. i always read your posts so thanks for sharing on these boards so regularly - reading you and some other regulars on various issues has really helped me a lot