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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Advice for couple considering adoption

14 replies

Evamaisie · 28/11/2021 09:49

Hi everyone,
My wife and I are unable to have children of our own and are looking into adoption at the moment. I have done lots of research on different agencies and spoken to a family member who adopted through PACT.
We are doing a PACT information day soon and I just wondered if there is any further advice anyone can offer? Is there anything I should ask that I might not think of?
Thank you

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scully29 · 28/11/2021 18:42

I would defo recommend joining Adoption UK as they are really supportive and they have loads of really useful webinars. They do fab zoom meet ups for prospective adopters regularly which are really helpful too.

Noimaginationforaun · 28/11/2021 19:19

Definitely go to a couple of opening evenings. We went to a few local authority ones and there was a clear favourite for us. It’s really important to feel a right ‘fit’ as the process is long and not easy! You need to feel comfortable as you really do have to be so open and honest through the process.

We are now 6 months with our little one and could not be happier. It is difficult but it is so, so worth it!

Evamaisie · 28/11/2021 19:27

Thanks for your comments. I actually joined Adoption U.K. today and have watched a couple of webinars. We will look at a few different meetings too - thank you for the advice

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MummyJ12 · 28/11/2021 19:52

There’s a couple of books that I would recommend that you read and you’ll probably be expected to read before they progress an application.
The Connected Child, For Parents who have Welcomed Children (it’s like the bible to social workers who work in adoption)
and;
What to Expect When You’re Adopting (Ian Parker)
Actually any book from the BAAF but the above two are probably the most useful in my experience.
Good luck! Smile

Evamaisie · 28/11/2021 21:40

Thank you for these recommendations Smile

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Adoptodad · 30/11/2021 23:10

I can tell you this is the best thing my wife and I have ever done.

The only advice I can give is to be open with the social workers as they are on your side. (You may not feel it sometimes)

All the best.

Evamaisie · 01/12/2021 10:10

Thank you - I am worried about how the social workers may be so that is useful to know.

Does anyone have any experience of adopting with health conditions?

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ScottishBeth · 01/12/2021 11:40

@Evamaisie we haven't adopted yet but are preparing for panel. Between DP and I we have a few health issues.

As part of the process you'll have a medical, where you'll have to go to your GP and go through everything. This will then get sent to a medical advisor for the adoption agency who will raise any issues. This is for everyone, whether or not you've had any health problems.

So for example I have a history of depression, and am overweight. So the medical advisor said in their opinion I was likely to have further episodes of depression in the future, and they also flagged up my BMI.

Through the discussions with my social worker we have gone through this is great detail. So I've talked about how the depression affected me, what I did, what treatment I had, how I learned to manage it. I would say be honest about this.

My partner has a mobility issue, so we've talked about how we'll manage that. Eg, can't have a child with significant physical needs, as DP wouldn't be able to look after them without me. We'll consider how we can put the little one down for naps downstairs, for when I'm not around during the day. Again, there has been extensive discussion about the history of DP's medical needs, what affect it has, what could potentially go wrong, how will we manage that.

I currently have long covid, after I contracted covid after we'd finished stage 1, so the medical had already happened. Similar to the above we've talked to our social worker about what I'm able to do, how I manage my long covid, what adjustments I'll need to make when the little one comes home.

They decided they wanted me to have another medical, which involved me filling out a massive form. I was pretty daunted by the form, but thankfully our SW helped me do it. So in this I've given them a lot of detail about most of my symptoms, an honest picture of how ill I was, what interventions I've had, what strategies I've developed.

My instinct when I was doing this form would have been to focus on how I am now (which is well on the way to recovery, able to do most things, but I won't be aiming to do extended periods of cardio any time soon), but it would have looked like I was hiding something, so giving the full history was much better.

This has delayed panel a couple of times, but obviously my situation is pretty specific. My depression and my DP's mobility issues because we have both been stable for years were quite straightforward. But I hope that sort of explains how the assessment has gone in terms of health issues. I would say think about how your health problems will impact you, and what steps you can take to help. But be honest with your social worker and they will help you explore all these things as well.

Evamaisie · 01/12/2021 11:56

@ScottishBeth
Thank you for this really detailed response - it is very helpful and I hope you recover from long Covid soon (it sounds like you are much better than you were).

I think my concern is that I have a very rare illness that is not hugely understood by medical professionals at the moment. Despite having quite progressed illness, I am large symptomless and able to work etc. I think the concern is more not being able to predict if and when this could change and if that would be viewed too negatively.

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ScottishBeth · 01/12/2021 12:22

@Evamaisie is there a charity that you would be able to contact for advice? I'm sure they would have advice about the chances of your symptoms worsening and things like that. And potentially they will may have advice about strategies that you can use if that were to happen.

I would recommend mentioning this at the information day, just to see how receptive they are to it.

Also thank you! Yes I'm much better (though it doesn't feel like it at the moment, with a terrible cold!)

Evamaisie · 01/12/2021 13:38

@ScottishBeth thank you - I did speak to my related charity and they suggested that my consultant write a supporting report as they know a lot more than my GP about it so that might help.

Good luck with your panel when the time comes Smile

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ScottishBeth · 04/12/2021 09:41

@Evamaisie yeah, that sounds like a good idea. It might be worth mentioning this at the information evening - just checking they'd be accept something from the consultant? Thought I can't imagine they wouldn't.

And thank you Grin

Noimaginationforaun · 05/12/2021 12:14

I have a very colourful medical history. Lots of surgeries, have IV medication to control it, a stoma, have intense therapy for PTSD related to surgeries. I was so worried I wouldn’t be able to adopt but it was actually viewed as a positive! I got a supportive letter from my consultant and therapist. I have a good career, crack on with life and just showed that - although I’ve had major set backs - I manage and enjoy life thoroughly. They actually viewed it as a huge positive because children who are adopted will have their own trauma and we were in a good position to have experience on tough times in life but it all being ok. It really supported how strong they thought our relationship was too. In fact, that was the reason our son’s social worker chose our profile! She loved how we stuck together through some pretty uncertain and scary times and wanted that for our LO.

So all in all, don’t worry too much about your condition. Get a supporting letter, talk about it positively and I think you’ll be ok! In my experience, it is all about how you present it to the social workers!

Evamaisie · 06/12/2021 15:15

@Noimaginationforaun wow, thank you for this advice, it is very reassuring. Glad it worked out for you too

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