Help preparing for introductions please

[Btbam]

Hello- can anyone who’s adopted an older baby in the last few years share their experiences of how you prepared? What photos, toys, videos etc were used? Even better if you have older children and involved them.

We have an 8 year old DC who came home to us through adoption at the age of 6 months and a 5 year old Birth DC. Our oldest has a half sibling who we hope to adopt- she’ll be 9-10 months at the time of introductions. I feel like I should know what to do but so much has changed over the last 8 years. Back then, we did a butterfly photo book ( 8 photos with us talking about who we were, our house etc), bought a cuddly toy and provided a few photos for the FC to show baby… this time social workers are talking about us sending video clips and watching baby eat over FaceTime (?!) .. one commented ‘you’re creative, I’m sure you’ll come up with something lovely’ which has me feeling rather pressured!

I have tracked down a butterfly book which we’ll get the kids involved with. It’s a shame they don’t make them anymore as it’s baby friendly enough to be handled, chewed and thrown. We have a teddy. What else can we be doing? Obviously with older children, Christmas and anticipated introductions just after Xmas I’d like to get as much prepared as possible.

For background- Our timeline is a bit upside down.. we’ve approval panel on Wednesday but have already met her sw and Family finder. We have our meeting with Medical advisor tomorrow morning and with foster carer and all social workers tomorrow afternoon. ‘Bump ins’ ( Another new thing that didn’t happen 8 years ago!!) may start next week with matching panel in 2-3 weeks.

We are thinking about preparing for introductions too, only thing I can add to add to your list is we plan to do videos of us reading some really good stories so her foster carer can play them alot and then those will be the stories we read her in early days.
Im keen for any ideas, so worried about how tough it is for them, such a huge change.

We got our older child to do a video tour of our house and chatted alongside it eg this is mum or this is my room. I like to play with…. We adopted a toddler

Have recently done intros with our LO who was 13 months old. It was all delayed unfortunately. I have to say our older child (also adopted - 3) struggled with all the bump into meetings we did (we did one every other day for two weeks and then it was daily contact). Ours was about an hours drive away so that added to the stress!

I would advise!

• batch cooking and freezing for dinners when you’re really tired!
• if you’re in a couple, take it in turns to do the bump into meetings (one stays at home with children and one goes) if this is appropriate (not always).
• inbetween bump into meetings make special time for your children already there (sure you would do this as you already have a child).
• take new (second hand) toys with you when you go - some babies are amazed by toys they don’t have… also most babies like bubbles. Ours doesn’t…….!!
• don’t try to force interaction with the baby and have really low expectations. You can form a relationship when they move in but it’s just exposure you’re looking for!
• be firm with social workers. They didn’t have a clue when it came to anything helpful and often excluded our older child from plans that could easily involve them.

Personally I don’t think the long introductions do anybody any favours but it’s what happened to us. We were told constantly that it needed to be longer and whilst I’m sure lots of research will tell you that it is helpful - our lived experience is that it made our new child more stressed than ever, us more stressed and our child more stressed. I would have spoken up more about what we needed to make it work for us rather than listen to social workers to be honest…hopefully it will have had some unseen benefits!

I’m probably going to be shut down because people like the long intros but it didn’t work for us!!

Also the videos - we read some stories which were well received. I also sang some songs with our child. I am a singer so that does help, but I’m not an actor and I found reading the stories really hard - as if I was a ceebeebies presenter!! Also did a tour of the house from outside and knocked on the door and my partner opened… very cringe worthy.

I adopted 10 years ago and since then I've been astonished at the lengths some peope go to with videos and books.
The photobook, cuddly toy and short video sound fine to me, she's a baby, not a film critic !
I think too much can be overwhelming.
I did do the tour of the house, starting with the cringe worthy opening of thr front door, ending with me sat on his bed reading a story, interrupted by the cat. A friend from work helped me with it during our lunch break, on a tiny camera and I bunged it on a USB. Apparently he loved it, but he was 7 !
Can't help with advice about babies and other children, but @Smellymoo sounds utterly sensible to me - and I agree about long intros.
Good luck and congratulations !

@Btbam, I’ve a soon-to-be 14-year-old, who came to me as a tiny baby and a five-year-old, who came to me at 12-hours-old. Honestly, in my experience, you cannot beat those Tomy butterfly books. I still have to keep batteries in mine as both of my girls treat it like a family heirloom. It’s a toy/memory aid which ticks a lot of boxes: babies get to press colourful and light-up buttons and hear voices and silly sounds, see photos of new people, chew on the primary coloured plastic, learn to turn pages (so important for later literacy). Far better than them watching things on screens! I did find a spare working Tomy book in a charity shop and I’m planning to use it as a spare once our original one gives up the ghost.

Also, don’t forget the importance of smells…

[quote SmaugMum]@Btbam, I’ve a soon-to-be 14-year-old, who came to me as a tiny baby and a five-year-old, who came to me at 12-hours-old. Honestly, in my experience, you cannot beat those Tomy butterfly books. I still have to keep batteries in mine as both of my girls treat it like a family heirloom. It’s a toy/memory aid which ticks a lot of boxes: babies get to press colourful and light-up buttons and hear voices and silly sounds, see photos of new people, chew on the primary coloured plastic, learn to turn pages (so important for later literacy). Far better than them watching things on screens! I did find a spare working Tomy book in a charity shop and I’m planning to use it as a spare once our original one gives up the ghost.

Also, don’t forget the importance of smells…[/quote]
I bought a Prince Lion Heart security blanket and slept with it in the lead up to the matching panel. During introductions I gave it to the FC to place in his cot.

I bought a few and slept with them do there was one in his cot at mine waiting for him. One for the buggy and one spare. Once he attendee nursery I left one with his nursery for his comfort box if he ever needed it.

He still sleeps with it 😊

Thanks all. We’ve bought a teddy but not a specific blanket- will definitely do that… thanks @GratitudeGoddess .@SmaugMum I agree with you about the butterfly book- I paid way over the odds on eBay but am sure it’ll be worth it. Great idea to record the stories and get kids to do the house tour.

I have no idea why there are gin bottle emoji"s connected to my post. I didn't use any emoji"s!!!

Dons hard hat (the oldies here will understand). Sorry, @GratitudeGoddess, totally not a joke at your expense. I will PM you…

@SmaugMum

Dons hard hat (the oldies here will understand). Sorry, *@GratitudeGoddess*, totally not a joke at your expense. I will PM you…

I don't understand either! Can you PM me too?!